How an extended parental leave changed our lives

When Jon started his parental leave for 6 months we really had no idea what type of journey this would take us on as parents and as a couple. Would we hate sharing the same living space? Would we judge one another as parents? Would the house be a complete mess all of the time? Long story short, men taking parental leave for an extended period of time changes everything.

1. We've each walked a mile (or two) in each other's shoes

I'm not sure how to emphasize how important this is - we deeply understand each other now. Sure, we've always been aware of the other's daily life but we've never truly gotten it until now - and there is no way to know until you experience it yourself. 

La vie en rose - a weekend in Paris

After our amazing trip to Lyon for a few days, we headed to the city of lights, Paris, for a few days before heading back home. Being in full-on "travel mode," we were traveling pretty lightly and were fairly oblivious to the people around us. Paris in early August was fairly devoid of Parisians and we had the place to ourselves and a few other European tourists.

We had Jon's cousin, Melissa, on hand to speak all of the French for us and steer us towards the best cafes in the city. Not only is she an awesome travel partner but Calvin loved playing with her and they became fast friends. We joked and said that everyone should

Efficient packing tips for family travel

We have been traveling a lot recently and some people noticed that we travel light and asked us to share our tips. If you are a seasoned traveler, then these aren't really tips for you but rather no-brainers. However if you are undertaking your first trip with little children, some of these might help you reduce your stress a bit.

We generally never pack clothing for more than 5 days and plan on doing laundry along the way. We stay at airbnb apartments that usually have a washer on site and a kitchen. This has transformed our traveling experiences with children. 

We prefer to use backpacks to keep our hands free for wrangling and carrying our children. Roller bags are good but you lose a hand and dragging it through Europe can be extra difficult. They call it, "backpacking through Europe" instead of "roller-bagging through Europe" for a reason. 

Most of my time packing is spent during the pre-packing phase - taking the time to consider the types of events (fancy dinners - haha, these are family packing tips. Nobody's enjoying a fancy dinner for a while), modes of transportation (train, bus, car), city vs country landscape, number of days and the weather for the trip. 

We pack our clothing into our favorite Kelty backpack (large) and our immediate necessities into our medium backpack. We keep bribes/toys in a handy front pocket for the inevitable meltdown after a 17 hour travel day. I prefer the rolling method for packing clothing:

Tips for kids and babies

We also only pack enough diapers and snacks for the travel day and buy diapers and other large liquids (e.g., sunscreen and toothpaste) on site. 

Kids and babies look cute in everything and can get away with wearing the same thing day after day. Most days, my 3 year old demands to wear the same shirt day after day so there isn't a need to pack a gazillion different outfits. 

I wear our 10 mth old in a baby carrier, the Ergo, and she and our 3 year old swap out time in our travel stroller. It folds up easily and is super light. 

If your toddler will wear a backpack, put their light toys and books in that. Time to earn your keep, kid!

Tips for women

Pack colorful scarves to dress up plain tops and/or to cover your shoulders if visiting religious sites or fancy dinners 

Pack tops that can mix and match with all of your bottoms. Steer away from "outfits" that only match each other. Being able to recombine your clothing means you don't need as many separate items. 

Never pack one-off clothing or even worse, clothes you may never wear on your trip. Your goal should be to wear every article of clothing at least once. Space is wasted packing for events that are unlikely to happen. Do you need those bulky rain boots for one day of rain? Probably not. 

Go light on toiletries and makeup. My hair never looks the same as it does at home - the water and humidity are different so I don't worry about hair products. Hotels always provide those little soaps - just use those or pack a small bottle of conditioner. My hair can withstand any shampoo but the right conditioner helps to keep it tamed. 

Tips for men

Your clothes are probably the largest in the group so be strategic in your selections

Mix and match your tops and bottoms 

Pack only one pair of shoes 

General tips 

Wear your largest, bulkiest clothing and shoes on the plane

Baby cribs can be checked for free along with your travel stroller (on Norwegian anyway).  You can stuff some small things into the baby crib bag if you need. 

Print off all tickets, itineraries and receipts before your trip and place them in a folder. I print off our overall itinerary (day by day) and tape it to the front of the folder for easy referencing train coach numbers, seating arrangements, etc. I get very nerdy and label everything with sticky notes that are in chronological order for when we will need them. 

Remember, the less you pack, the less you need to keep track of and repack at the end of your trip. 

I know "pack less" is kind of a flippant tip but it really is an exercise in restraint. I used to pack "something for every occasion" or an extra "just in case" item but found that it was rarely ever used and just took up space. Most airlines charge for checked luggage so traveling lighter saves you money that you'd rather spend on dessert or wine. 

At the end of the day you aren't going to care about what clothes you wore on your trip. However, lugging less stuff means you are physically less tired, resulting in less stress during your travel. It will enable you to enjoy your trip while you are actually on it. 

Now, if only you could pack an extra pair of hands that would be great! Enjoy your trip!

Roman ruins, water fountains and incredible food - Lyon, France is perfect

Ahh, Lyon. Only Lyon.

I sigh every time I think back to our time in Lyon, France and can't help but smile as I reminisce about Calvin exploring the Roman ruins with boundless enthusiasm and squealing with delight as he splashed in the fountains with the other children - all running around in their underwear.

We were fortunate to have the most perfect weather imaginable - around 29C, sunny, no clouds and a light cool breeze. Lyon is one of the few European cities to have 2 rivers surrounding it, La Saône and La Rhône, so it has double the waterfront space, double the number of tree-lined walks and so many gorgeous bridges to cross. At night, the rivers reflect all of the beautiful lights and I wonder why Paris is called the City of Lights when Lyon is just as entitled to it. Lyon also boasts its own, though somewhat smaller, metal (Eiffel-like) tower, that is up next to the Fourviere basilica and is all lit up at night.

We wandered through the old town of Lyon. So charming with it's quaint street, cobble stones and boutique shops. Some might call it a tourist trap but it is so beautiful that you can forgive it a bit and still enjoy your delicious ice cream while watching the street musicians play in the shade, slowly dragging on their lit cigarettes in their mouths. Lyon also boasts a strikingly high number of playgrounds sprinkled throughout the city. We had no issues finding playgrounds for Calvin as it seemed there was one around every corner. There were two large playgrounds (one for older children and one for smaller children) that preceded a string of fountains and wading pools. It felt so warm and welcoming, that we couldn't resist taking off our shoes and wading in. While perhaps very un-French of us to do so, we really didn't care. After a day of lazily wandering the city, we felt so relaxed that standing in the water and letting Calvin splash on a hot day seemed like the best idea of all.

Running through the old town

Lyon is most known for its delicious food and a Lyonnaise special is the quenelle. I can't describe it well and the Wikipedia link doesn't do it justice. Basically it is delicious and worth a try. I had the poultry quenelle and it was so rich and creamy. Lyon specializes in offal (organ meats) and while I was a bit put off, Jon was brave and tried and LOVED pressed pig's head tureen (head cheese). If you are going to ever try it, Lyon is the place to do so.

The Roman theatre that sits atop Fourviere is also a must-see if you are in Lyon. Anytime I see Roman ruins, my mind is just completely blown by the mastery of their construction. The site is still used for cultural events and the stage crew was working busily while we were there, adjusting the lighting and stage platforms for an upcoming performance.

Only a 2 hour train ride away from Paris, I would return to Lyon in a heartbeat to spend more time. The weather was consistently beautiful for our entire stay, the people were extremely friendly and helpful and it was the perfect place to roam for a family with young children.

Happy to take part in:

Fjording in Bergen, Norway

Bergen, Norway is known for being extremely beautiful, extremely rainy and extremely expensive. Somehow, we didn't let reasons 2 and 3 scare us off from experiencing Bergen's natural beauty and we booked a quick (4 day) trip with the plan to picnic our way through Bergen to save some pennies.

Bergen is right on the water and for the weekend we were there,  its harbor held beautiful tall ships in addition to some old WWII ships. Calvin felt like a salty sea captain when he was allowed to man the wheel and "steer" the docked ship in the high seas.

Though we didn't have much time, we managed to squeezed it all in - a trip to beautiful Flåm on the Flåmsbanan, 5 hour fjording boat ride, the touristy fish market, funicular to a spectacular view of Bergen, a troll forest and a few requisite playground stops. We were very fortunate and managed to have 3 sunny days out of 4 - quite remarkable, actually. There is a joke that it rains 275 days a year in Bergen. The locals don't laugh but they make a ton of money selling ponchos to the tourists.

If you want any tips on how to do the Bergen-Flåm-Bergen trip, let me know. There are about a gazillion different ways and TripAdvisor reviews were only partially helpful and mostly confusing.

In short, Bergen is extremely kid friendly (though the cobblestones were rough on the stroller) and can be done on a budget (kind of) if you buy local groceries and bring your own picnics everywhere. It is a small enough place to explore in a few days and is well worth the natural beauty - just don't forget your umbrella. We rented an Airbnb apartment which was very centrally located and on one of the stops of a walking tour. It doesn't get much better than that!

We happened to be on the Flåmsbanan at the same time as the professional photographers who were updating their new catalog. They took a picture of me and the children sitting on the bench under the Flåm sign so we may be the new poster family for Flåm in 2015!

The fjords we saw during our 5 hour boat ride back to Bergen were absolutely breathtaking. I love being on the water and there is no feeling like the wind rushing through your hair, sun on your face and breathing the cleanest air Norway has to offer while looking out onto the bluest sky and water. If we had more time, we could've explored a World Heritage Site fjord Nærøfjord but our boat only drove past the opening. I managed to get a picture of it (see below) and it is probably as close as we will ever get. In short, Norway is majestic, impressive and breathtaking.

Parental Leave - three week update!

Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.

These have been the fastest three weeks of my life.  It seems like only yesterday that I was saying “hej då!” to work and it’s already been almost a month!  So to make sure that I don’t end up on January 4^th looking back at a blur of time, I wanted to jot down a few top  lists from the time so far.

• Favorite Moments –
• Walking in the Forest:  At the end of a rainy, nap-filled day, Calvin had a full battery after dinner.  We decided that it would be a good idea for me to take him out to the forest right behind our house for a quick walk.  It might have actually been the best idea we ever had.  He was so fired up, he talked a mile a minute for half an hour straight.  I was DYING.  It was so much fun to see how much of a little boy he is now, and I was able to piece together about 10 minutes of video from the walk too. 

Calvin walking through the forest

• Don’t wake the trolls!:  The four of us went for a fun walk through the big forest one day.  We made sure to stop and have calvin check for trolls under every bridge we found.  On one, he found a troll, but luckily it was asleep.  For fun when I walked over the bridge my last step was LOUD.  Loud enough to wake the troll!  Hours later after bath time, he grabs my face with both of his hands, stares deep into my eyes and says “ DADDY – do NOT do that again.  DO NOT wake up the trolls!!”. 

• Seeing Lucy crawl for the first time:  Lucy and I have had a lot of fun over the last few weeks.  She loves playing a game where she just hands you stuff, then you give it back and the cycle repeats.  We’ve played this for hours, in addition to reading tons of books, building blocks and eating grass (tastier than you would think).  But the best part is that she has been teasing us with crawling for SO LONG.  One week BEFORE my leave started, Lis said it was a shame that I would  likely miss her first crawl because it would be happening any day.  THREE WEEKS after that we were still waiting.  She would get really, really close to doing it but then change her mind at the last minute.  It was only because we were both around her constantly that eventually we were both able to see her crawl for the first time in person.  Now we wait a few months and then start the 1^st step countdown. 

Lucy crawling!

• Car Show – Lisa found out about an American Car show in the newspaper a few weeks before it happened.  Plopped it up on the fridge and Calvin stared at it every day.  When we were there it was insane – Calvin was just running up and down the aisle and couldn’t stop chattering about each and every car.

Calvin loves the car show!

• Biggest Surprises –
• How early dinner prep needs to get started for us to stay on schedule.  Working backwards, we want to have both kids in bed by 7.  That means we need to start bathtime by at least 630.  Which means that dinner needs to be ready by 545-600.  Everything takes about 20-30 minutes of cooking time, plus 20 minutes of prep (we are heavily veggie now, so a lot of cutting), so that’s a 5pm start at the latest? Just so that we can all have dinner together?  How are any families able to do this with both parents working at an office?? 

• How much laundry we have.  Dinner prep and cleanup is a never ending cycle too, but at least food is TASTY and eating is FUN.  Clothes are not fun.  I don’t even know why we insist on putting Calvin in clean clothes every day – they only last that way for 5 minutes!!
• How much our Swedish has improved.  Lisa mentioned this in a former blog, but we are doing our best to spend 30 minutes each a day using Memrise and I think it’s really working out well.  I’m actually having fun learning now and am able to pre-plan a few sentences of any conversation I anticipate having.  It’s something we work together on and I’m excited about seeing how far we get with this. 
• Biggest Challenges –
• Not calling in the electronic babysitter from the bullpen all the time.  Calvin loves watching 10-20 minute youtube movies.  I love having 10-20 minutes to play with Lucy, shower, find out what is happening in the world, etc.  It would be SO EASY to just rely on movies all the time.  But that’s not best for anyone. Not as big of a deal right now when the weather is GORGEOUS, but I see you Swedish weather and I know what we in store for ourselves starting mid-September.  Hopefully I can stay strong….
• Getting good Lucy time.  I love playing with Calvin.  Love it.  We spent hours the other day just playing wiffle-ball pepper, where I just hit the ball and he runs, gets it and brings it back to me. Then we built a T-ball set the other day (#expatsolutions!).  There is nothing better.  BUT I also know that Lucy is also at a really fun stage.  The hard part is that Calvin requires 100% attention from at least one of us the vast majority of the time.  I remember when we first moved to Stockholm and Calvin was the same age that Lucy is now – we would spend hours together then just playing every day.  It’s a challenge to make sure that I get that quality play time with Lucy as well, even though I’m here all the time.  But it’s so important and fun, I’m going to make sure that it is a constant priority for us. 

Lucy playing peek a boo

Calvin playing t-ball

• Anytime that Lisa isn’t around to help.  The biggest “cheat” that we have right now is that, for traditional Swedes, only one parent can be on leave at any one time.  So once the father takes the leave, the mother goes back to work.  For us though, Lisa’s work is project based from home through the internet.  So she is still around for the majority of our time every day.  The times that she isn’t, everything changes.  It is such a different game with just me and two kids – I have no idea how she (or any other stay at home parent) manages it effectively.  I’m sure I’ll continue to get more comfortable with it as time goes on, but it’s no joke!

• 

  Parental leave is NOT a vacation.  Until it is

So as I said up top, this has been an action packed 3 weeks.  We are entering into our “travel season” soon, so I’m just really grateful that this first phase of the parental leave has gone as well.  As I told Calvin this morning when we were playing at the beach – this is the very definition of “living the dream”, and I still can’t believe how lucky we are and how much more fun we will have in the coming weeks and months. 

Now I just need time to slow down a bit!

My new job starts tomorrow

Bessie HATES it when I leave for work in the morning.  As soon as I start packing my bag she starts barking her little head off.  If the coffee hasn’t woken us up yet, she definitely will. 

Luckily for all of us though, she won’t need to bark like that again for a long, long time.

The true cost of potty training

If you've already done potty training then you know what is involved but it seems like nobody will tell you these things.  It's a horror show. In fact, it is so painful that it has inspired me to try to get Lucy on one of the gazillion potties we have lying around the house just in an effort to reduce this pain in a few more years.

1. You need to buy at least 3 different kinds of potty (maybe more if you have multiple bathrooms in your house) and they are all way more money than you want to spend. For some reason, Sweden's cheapest potty starts at $46. Total for the 3 various potties we own, $150 and NONE of them even flush!
1. A potty that fits on the big toilet with a stool for climbing up
2. A small potty that sits on the floor that they can get to on their own
3. A travel potty 
2. Incentives, bribes, whatever - don't skimp - you need them. Calvin needed BIG rewards - Disney Planes characters. Find the motivation and buy it in bulk. Stock up on stickers too.
1. 3 Disney Planes/Rewards, stickers, bubbles, etc - $60
3. 20 sets of underwear. It's gonna get messy - $75
4. Extra laundry soap - $25
5. Patience, love and compassion - priceless

Total damage: ~ $310

If you buy one of those gimmicky, "Potty train your child in 1-3 days" books or online resources, that's another $40 or so. They prey on desperate parents who will sell their souls to end the horror show and $40 seems like a really good deal but don't do it! There are free guides everywhere and believe me, nobody can guarantee you anything. It just takes time. Good luck!

Raising the stakes to learn Swedish

The Background
After living in Sweden for 2.5 years, we've attended classes, had a private tutor and bought Rosetta Stone and yet we still haven't greatly improved in our understanding of the Swedish language. It is not so much of an inability to learn as it is a lack of proper motivation. My job is entirely in English and I work from home, so I'm somewhat isolated. Jon works entirely in English and has some coworkers who are willing to have fika time in Swedish, but it isn't helping nearly enough. Jon's parental leave is beginning at the end of this week and we both decided that it was time to set aside dedicated language time each day. This is Jon's greatest opportunity to learn the language and if we don't commit, we will only continue to slowly struggle.

The Issue
One of the biggest motivating factors is Calvin. He is truly bilingual and can consciously switch between Swedish and English if we ask him. I wouldn't say we can count on him as our main translator as he has led us astray in the past - he's a practical jokester already - and also because he is 3 years old. We are responsible for our own integration. Our neighbors have told us that he speaks perfect Swedish when we aren't around but when we are present, his Swedish declines and he speaks in English. We don't want to be in a position where we are negatively affecting his social skills with his peers. We want him to be able to play and invite friends over to our house. It is a major issue if we can't communicate with his friends. We don't want to be the limiting factor here. That's not fair to Calvin.

Raising the stakes
So, to really buckle down, Jon set a bet. We will be using the free online program, Memrise, and their handy iPhone app, to set daily competitions. The program awards points depending on how accurately and quickly you respond to reading and writing comprehension of a vocabulary set. Whoever has the least number of points awarded during their 30 min study session will have to do the laundry that day. We can practice in addition to those 30 minutes but only that session will be scored and will determine the winner and loser. Believe me, our house has a lot of laundry so this is truly a motivating factor.

So when you see us using a lot more Swedish on Facebook and in emails and texts, it is because I really don't want to do the laundry anymore and Jon is trying his best to beat me. BRING IT ON!

Reader's Digest Update - February - May 2014

I really don't know why I continue to think I will get less busy as time goes on. It never seems to be the case but I will think, "Oh, in a few more weeks things will die down and I'll write another blog post." NOPE.

So here is a super condensed version of the past 5 months:

February 

• Calvin contracted chickenpox and I learned that combating the itching throughout the night is nearly impossible - midnight cuddles work well but nobody sleeps.
• Lucy ALSO contracted the chickenpox thanks to the generous kisses, sneezes and snots from her big brother. I was concerned because she was only 4 months old but she only manifested 6 spots total and earned some pox scars on her belly as proof that she endured a mild case. She'll be at greater risk for shingles as an adult so she will get the vaccine for that eventually.
• THAT TOOK UP MY ENTIRE MONTH

March

• Calvin started a new school right across the street from us, so Jon did the inskolning while I tended to chicken poxed Lucy at home
• He LOVES his new school - the teachers are old school Swedish marms and have been doing this for 30 years. He'll be a proper little Swedish boy in another year or so. 
• His English and Swedish language skills are skyrocketing and he is speaking in full sentences and using the word "either" properly, which I found to be impressive. His manners are very proper and I find it hard to resist him when he asks in his little chirpy voice, "I would like x, y and z, please, Momma?"
• Jon left for the Dominican Republic for a week for cousin Mikey and Megan's wedding - I was wishing I could go too and enjoy an open bar, warm weather and family fun.

April

• VISITORS and Jon worked nonstop
• Dave visited for a few days and then he and Jon went to London for the London Marathon. Dave did a great job and finished all 26.2 miles despite being incredibly sick the day prior. Jon played the part of tourist very well and sampled all of the nearby London pubs.
• My mom came to visit and we had beautifully warm weather. We enjoyed a fun filled day at Skansen and other adventures.
• Calvin had his 3 year old dental appointment and they scolded me for not having him brush his teeth twice a day for 2 minutes at a time (all in Swedish). I laughed in their faces - pretty sure that crossed the language barrier clearly. 
• Joann came at the end of April and we created a plane cake for Calvin. Making elaborate cakes are my version of a marathon - I enjoy the beginning, abhor the middle, and can't wait to finish but am always glad I did it in the end.
• We finished April with our favorite Swedish celebration of spring - Calvin's birthday and Walpurgis Natt. He believes the huge bonfire is solely for his birthday.

May

• May 1st we woke up to snow. Apparently the warm weather was just a tease and spring once again, a cruel temptress.
• Potty training Calvin = nonstop laundry and having to tap into a bottomless pit of patience. Nobody really tells you what's involved - not the whole truth anyway.
• Proof that I have no green thumb - the tulips our landlord planted years ago all bloomed beautifully despite the morning frosts and the two flowers I planted in April are as dead as a doornail.

gorgeous tulips

what i planted - they didn't even survive a week!

So there ya go - a condensed version of the past few months - all typed one handed while holding Lucy

Getting into the swing of things...maybe?

Lucy is now 6 months old and I'm finally, finally, finally, starting to feel like we have a somewhat predictable rhythm. How come nobody told me that it would take 6 months to adjust to having 2 kids? Where was the warning? Come on, experienced moms, give a lady a heads up or something!

Within those 6 months, Jon was gone for a full 13 days and I was on my own - juggling both kids solo. It was actually quite nice, believe it or not. It turns out that I mostly do all of it on my own anyway as Jon gets home after their bedtime. There was also less laundry to do since I didn't really change my outfits all that often and there wasn't another adult generating a mess (or expecting a real meal).

Some things I learned while on my own:

• Nobody judges you for eating a dinner of chicken nuggets and french fries - seriously, why make 2 separate dinners?
• You can go to bed at 8:30pm or as soon as the kids are down
• Going to the bathroom with the door open is a requirement
• You really can balance two kids on your lap in the rocking chair

The only thing I really missed was a truly reciprocal adult conversation in the evenings and an extra hand in the mornings. Calvin is famous for leaving my questions unanswered or if he does respond, it is often nonsensical or just "good" to every question.

Me: Calvin, are you hungry?
Calvin: Good
Me: Do you want a peanut butter sandwich?
Calvin: Good

I only ran into a few snags where I seriously wish I could clone myself. For instance, Lucy would be nursing herself back down to sleep around 5:30am and I would hear Calvin shouting, "Mama, can you hear me? Mama, can you HEAR ME?!?" with increasing intensity and volume. This happened almost every morning. So, I'd get Lucy back asleep and slowly sneak out of bed to go in and cuddle Calvin for another hour.

Before Jon left, he hypothesized that I would finish the wine we had in the fridge. Uhh, I didn't need to touch the stuff but I did drink ALL of the COFFEE. I drank a coffee press pot (4 cups) a day and zero glasses of wine. No bedtime was "too early" for me and I frequently crashed out at 9pm.

In honor of all of the single moms and married moms with partners who travel, I raise my 3x reheated mug of coffee to you in honor of your hard work. It's not easy doing it solo but you do get 100% of the cuddles in return.

Top 10 Technologies for ex-pats

We have a lot of folks moving abroad for short or long stints, so I figured I would finally put up this blog that I had written 90% of 2 years ago…..

1)      VPN – ESSENTIAL to pretend you are still in the states – really enables a lot of the other things on this list (google voice, Netflix, hulu, SEC football game of the week, etc)

2)      Skype – One of the hardest part of this move was taking Calvin away from all of his family.  While it hasn’t been a perfect replacement obviously, we have been able to have regularly scheduled video calls with both of our parents, and have also had video calls with a number of friends, aunts/uncles, siblings and all four sets of our grandparents.  Being able to see folks regularly (and have them see Calvin and us) is great – both for us and for them (if I may make some assumptions)

3)      Google Voice – When we aren’t able to set up a full skype-date, we can randomly call our ‘merican peoples.  When I was working on a project a year ago, I had put $10 on my Gmail calling account.  Once we got out here, we realized that it was only $0.01 per minute for calling home.  So whether its surprising our grandparents with a call to their cell phone, or calling some buddies after I’ve had my drink on for a bit (and they are having a late lunch), its nice to be able to make an improvised phone call.

4)      Google Maps – We still use maps – but street signs aren’t always the most visible things in the world, and there isn’t a big blue arrow constantly updating itself like it is on my phone.   We had an off-site the other week and afterwards my boss tried to give me directions on how to get home – instead of listening to him, I just pulled up my map and started telling him what my options were.  And then when Lis and I start exploring and get completely lost – we can always find ourselves pretty quickly.

5)      Google Translate – I get forwarded a lot of emails, receive a lot of mail and look at a lot of forms – all in Swedish. 

6)      Google Chrome – translates things automatically for you!

7)      Hulu/Netflix/amazon video/HBO to go – especially with the vpn, its like you never left

8)      Viber  – once you convince folks to download it, you text like you would if you lived 5 minutes away from each other.  Just turn it to silent at night….

9)      Twitter – keeps me up to date on basic US news

10)  NFL Gamepass / MLB package / SEC game of the week – most if not all major sports have ex-pat packages now that you can ONLY access if you are out of the country.  Not exactly going to the sports bar down the street, but you don’t NEED to miss a game if you plan a head a bit

An Extremely Difficult Task: Letting Go

We all have something we should let go of, don't we? Some thing or activity that just adds one extra thing to our plate. It could be letting go of the clutter, the waste, the schtuff. Whatever it is, it has this death grip on you and you just can't...let...go. It causes undue stress in the background of your life and you don't even realize how much it weighs you down until you release it and feel yourself immensely relieved.

I let something go yesterday. Even though it wasn't huge, it had reduced me to a scary mascara teary mess at 9pm last night. It was a work project that had been requiring 2+ hours of my time everyday for the past 6 weeks. I rejoined the project when Lucy was 3 months old after returning from my maternity leave thinking I could balance it all.

I CAN DO IT ALL! I AM WONDER WOMAN! And I did do it all at first, but then work was really starting to impact my quality time with Lucy. I am a Mom who Works from Home and I put those words in that order specifically. I am not a Working at Home Mother (mother being last). My children come before my work. That was a decision I made back in October 2011 when we decided to move to Sweden to accomplish just this.

I don't like not being focused on my work or my children and I felt as if I couldn't focus on either. If I'm in my kids' world, I want to play with them and breathe them in. They change so quickly that it's impossible to hold onto anything they do for very long.

At work I want to be a professional and provide high quality work - which I felt was suffering greatly due to my divided and diluted attention. So I didn't quit my job entirely, but I removed an unnecessary chunk off my plate. I let it go. I allowed myself to admit that not being a part of this phase of this particular project wasn't the end of the world. I don't have to do it ALL. Life was getting too hectic. I needed to simplify. 

Letting go was difficult for me because I had to admit that I was afraid of not being included and not being relevant to the team. I felt I had to prove my value and my worth immediately upon returning from maternity leave. But it wasn't the right move at the right time. I was the square peg jamming myself into the round hole and it just wasn't working.

After conversations with my colleagues and my boss, they were all extremely supportive and understanding. It made me wonder why I hadn't come to this realization sooner. Why was I willingly allowing myself to become so stressed by this?

The answer: I feel privileged to be able to work from home and had accepted that I have to work long hours at night to compensate for such flexibility. I was thinking, "Well, at least I get to see her during the day," instead of, "This really isn't what I want for my life right now. This isn't working."

I'm not perfect and I'm open to self-improvement. I will take this as a lesson learned to evaluate my work-life balance regularly and make decisions based on reality instead of some made-up compromise that I MUST endure. I know that I will continue to struggle with letting go but I'm on my way towards making better decisions with my family in mind.

Basically, more of this:

Been there, done that - the joy of experienced parenting

When Calvin was born, I experienced all of the typical first time mom worries.  I was concerned with leaving him with someone else whenever I had to go to work. I tracked his physical and mental development and stressed about reaching milestones.  I wasn't particularly high strung - I'm still a fairly laid back parent - but that nagging sense of "am I doing it right?" was always on my mind.

Now that I've "been there and done that," my experience with Lucy is completely different.  I am even more relaxed with her than I was with Calvin.  Lucy isn't rolling over? That's ok. She will eventually.  "Is she eating enough?"  That question has actually NEVER even crossed my mind.  The absolute freedom from all of the worry I had with Calvin is extremely liberating. I learned that whatever I did with Calvin didn't damage him in the slightest, so I'm OK. Kids are plastic and resilient. It is difficult to do anything too wrong at this point. This is the warm fuzzy time when they can just be babies.

It is an absolute joy experiencing parenthood the first time around. Everything is new and fascinating and even though things aren't "new" with Lucy, it is almost even more enjoyable because I can relax and let her set the pace for her own development.  I know she will eventually sleep through the night just like Calvin did and she will discover the world in her own way.  I know what is coming - the belly laughs, crawling and walking. The nonstop movement that keeps me on my toes and on high alert for falling books and toys.  There is no need to rush into all of that because it'll all be here in two blinks.

Part of the great part about having multiple children is that I am still experiencing the "newness" with Calvin while simultaneously relaxing in my experienced parenting bliss with Lucy.  I am still learning how to coax him into eating more protein and begging him to sit on the potty.  I am still blindly figuring it all out with him as he paves the way into unexplored toddlerhood territory.

Most surprising of all, is that I get to watch them experience life together as siblings. Calvin adores Lucy.  He must kiss and hug her goodnight as part of his bedtime routine. It warms my heart to see them together and to watch them bond so early on.

So for now, I'm going to take a lesson from what Lucy has taught me and I won't stress anymore about whether he will be potty trained this summer or next. It'll happen eventually, just like everything always does. I'm just going to relax with my cup of coffee and watch Lucy sleep.

The Snow Globe Effect

Last Christmas, Mother Sweden pulled out all of the stops and gave us a lot of snow that created the perfect magic to get everyone into the Christmas spirit.  It was lucky that my parents were there to experience the beauty themselves.  The snow hanging on the branches of the trees made it feel like we were walking in a snow globe that had just been lightly shaken and all of the glittery snowflakes had just settled down again.  The woods were quiet except for the crunching of our boots. We kept marveling at how beautiful it was and I called it the "Snow Globe Effect."

This Christmas we had weather that was rainy and consistently in the 40s and gave us the overall blah feeling.  Though the weather didn't help put us in the Christmas spirit, Stockholm still dresses up for the occasion and we hit up the Christmas markets and the NK store windows.

So, here we are in January and we finally, finally, have snow in Stockholm that is suitable for sledding.  Yesterday as I was walking Calvin to school, these huge flakes started falling and I just sighed and thought, "here's the snow globe feeling I've been waiting for!"  Calvin looked at me and says confusedly, "It's Christmas? It's not Christmas..."  No, it's not Christmas but it finally feels like it.  Hope you can enjoy the snow globe effect where you are this winter!