Thursday, November 29, 2012

Then and Now...

He re-created this picture on his own (same blanket)!  Almost a year apart...


          
December 11, 2011
November 29, 2012

Sunday, November 25, 2012

Sidelined by loss


I've contemplated not publishing this post because words cannot adequately describe how I feel.  However, I decided to post this just in case it helps someone else deal with the loss of a loved one.  My words here will never be enough...

Last week, I lost my good friend, Melissa Dowd, to a pedestrian-car accident.  I've been at a complete loss for words to express the depth and range of my emotions during this past week and have spiraled into a dark depression that only surfaces itself during when I'm not actively doing, saying or thinking something.

The last time I saw Melissa was during a really hectic, stressful time in my life, and as usual, she brought her light playfulness to dinner and made me laugh and forget my troubles for the night.  We were getting ready to move to Sweden and Melissa emailed me saying she would be in Atlanta for a few days attending a conference.  She asked if we could get together and hang out.  Of course!  I was busy arranging all of the packing and selling of our stuff and told her that I'd be making our usual Wednesday Mexican dinners at home since Calvin was on a strict 7pm bed time.  She promised to come to the house around 5 or 6pm so she could play with Calvin and meet Darby.  Well, as it happens sometimes, life intervened and she was unable to make it to the house before Calvin had to go to sleep.  After dinner, we snuck up the stairs and peeked into his room to watch him sleep.  A poor substitute for playing with him, but sometimes timing just doesn't work out.  I don't have any pictures from that night because it was just a "regular" night -- just hanging out.

Remembering that night has become an obsession of mine because for the life of me, I can't recall much detail.  I've been searching my emails, Facebook messages, pictures, texts, and anything and everything to get a clue as to what we talked about, what we laughed about and what we did on that last night.  I just can't remember.

Melissa was not just a good person, she was a great person, who was constantly helping others.  One day we were making weekend plans to hang out and I asked her if she was available on Saturday.  She just said that she had other commitments and couldn't make it.  I later found out that she was volunteering her time to work with families in Atlanta who were displaced (for one reason or another) and were in transition to new homes.  I don't really know how she was volunteering her time because she was so humble about it.  She just helped out when she could.  This past summer she was in Sierra Leone, working with children with HIV and I'm sure she helped out hundreds of other families doing volunteer work over the years.  That's just the type of person she was.

I couldn't possibly capture her entire spirit in this one post and to attempt to do so would be an injustice to her very full and complex life.  But what I can do is challenge every person who reads this post to live your life as she lived hers and try to make the world a better place.  It is a challenge that I am taking myself because her death has taught me that life is too precious, too delicate and ultimately, too fleeting to waste any time or to waste any moments.  You never know what is around the next corner. When that dinner or coffee date may be your last moment to have a conversation with your friend.

Even though I don't remember many details of our last dinner together, I do know that I gave her the biggest, deepest hug goodbye since I knew our move to Sweden would separate us for a while.  I didn't think it would be forever, of course, but I knew it would be sometime before we could re-connect.  Melissa, my friend, you made the world a better place and I hope that all who knew you (and those who didn't) continue to do so in your memory.  May you rest in peace.


What Would Melissa Dowd Do? (WWMDD)

  • Pursue your dreams to the fullest 
  • Be open to all new experiences 
  • Travel the world - especially Africa
  • Make jokes frequently and laugh loudly 
  • Dance like you're really drunk or better yet, drink while you're dancing
  • Brighten every room with your smile
  • Connect with friends when you are randomly in their town
  • Snowboard in Breckenridge
  • Don't save anything for "later" -- money, candles, the "good" shampoo -- just use it
  • Help out others without expecting anything in return
  • When asking friends for help moving or packing, promise beer or delicious food as an incentive
  • Ask someone to take a picture of you with your friends rather than standing behind the camera
  • Work hard but play hard too
  • Don't take yourself too seriously






Here are some quotes that have helped me cope a little with this sudden loss.  The sun shines less brightly without her here.

“No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.” 
― C.S. LewisA Grief Observed

“To weep is to make less the depth of grief.” 
― William Shakespeare

“It's so curious: one can resist tears and 'behave' very well in the hardest hours of grief. But then someone makes you a friendly sign behind a window, or one notices that a flower that was in bud only yesterday has suddenly blossomed, or a letter slips from a drawer... and everything collapses. ” 
― Colette

“And when your sorrow is comforted (time soothes all sorrows) you will be content that you have known me. You will always be my friend. You will want to laugh with me. And you will sometimes open your window, so, for that pleasure . . . And your friends will be properly astonished to see you laughing as you look up at the sky! Then you will say to them, 'Yes, the stars always make me laugh!' And they will think you are crazy. It will be a very shabby trick that I shall have played on you...” 
― Antoine de Saint-ExupéryThe Little Prince

“The tears I feel today
I'll wait to shed tomorrow.
Though I'll not sleep this night
Nor find surcease from sorrow.
My eyes must keep their sight:
I dare not be tear-blinded.
I must be free to talk
Not choked with grief, clear-minded.
My mouth cannot betray
The anguish that I know.
Yes, I'll keep my tears til later:
But my grief will never go.” 
― Anne McCaffreyDragonsinger

“Grief is a most peculiar thing; we’re so helpless in the face of it. It’s like a window that will simply open of its own accord. The room grows cold, and we can do nothing but shiver. But it opens a little less each time, and a little less; and one day we wonder what has become of it.” 
― Arthur GoldenMemoirs of a Geisha

“Relationships take up energy; letting go of them, psychiatrists theorize, entails mental work. When you lose someone you were close to, you have to reassess your picture of the world and your place in it. The more your identity was wrapped up with the deceased, the more difficult the loss.” 
― Meghan O'Rourke

“Life Lesson 3: You can't rush grief. It has its own timetable. All you can do is make sure there are lots of soft places around -- beds, pillows, arms, laps.” 
― Patti DavisTwo Cats and the Woman They Own: or Lessons I Learned from My Cats

“She heard him mutter, 'Can you take away this grief?'
'I'm sorry,' she replied. 'Everyone asks me. And I would not do so even if I knew how. It belongs to you. Only time and tears take away grief; that is what they are for.” 
― Terry PratchettI Shall Wear Midnight (Discworld, #38)

Thursday, November 22, 2012

Grattis på kalkondagen


This year is definitely the weirdest Thanksgiving we’ve ever had.  We didn’t get the day off of work, we didn’t get stuck in traffic and we didn’t eat two days of food at one mid-day meal.

But that doesn’t mean we should forget the point of Thanksgiving, so what follows is my list of specific things that we are thankful for today  (to keep the blog short, only putting up the things that are significantly different than previous years):

I am thankful…

1) …that we were presented with a once in a lifetime opportunity to move internationally
2) …that Lisa and I are so aligned in our life goals that we were able to pursue this opportunity even with the numerous reasons we had not to move.
I'm also thankful for birthday cakes baked for "practice" a month before the big event
3) …that Lisa is able to spend each day with Calvin.  This is easily the best part of us coming out here. I love seeing the pictures that she takes each day and the little stories she has of Calvin being silly (or angry, or funny, or smart, or whatever), that she wouldn’t be able to share if we had stayed in the states
She captures Calvin's crazy faces to send in daily emails to our parents

Monday, November 19, 2012

Thanksgiving Dinner -- American style with Swedish Ingredients...


Living here has required that we adjust almost everything we do in our daily lives.  While we have adjusted to those things, like not owning a car, relying on public transportation, barely understanding the language, and working with new currencies and METRIC conversions all of the time, we haven't yet tackled the major food-related holidays.

Thanksgiving is coming up very quickly (it snuck up on us) and we are celebrating on Thursday with a few Skype sessions with our family back home and preparing for our own feast on Saturday.  We know that some ingredients will be difficult, if not impossible, to find, but we are determined to make this Thanksgiving just as special as the others.

Thanksgiving isn't so much of a culinary challenge as it is like choreographing a large dance with potatoes, breads and meats.  The challenge lies in budgeting your freezer space, then oven space efficiently and putting in the right dishes at the right time so that the food hits the table simultaneously with all the right temperatures and textures.  My first Thanksgiving on my "own" was right after Jon and I got married and we had Dustin and cousin Mikey over to celebrate.  I slaved away in the kitchen from 5:30am until 2pm and thought I did a fantastic job.  After working my fingers to the bone, the table ended up looking fairly sparse with only a few side dishes and a dry turkey.  Wahh waaaah...
First Thanksgiving -- not quite the feast I had in my mind but decent for a first attempt
Oh how I wish my most difficult issue was a "food processor setting."  Now I realize that I was a grocery store-spoiled brat with half of my dishes already pre-made requiring "assembly" on the big Turkey-day.  Some women are awesome and make everything homemade.  They always make me feel slightly guilty on the inside for taking shortcuts whenever possible but not enough to make me stop.  I just acknowledge that they are more ambitious, talented and patient than I.

Sweden's grocery stores are like America's in the 1950s.  There are no pre-made products really.  Preparing a huge Thanksgiving meal and Christmas dinner within 5 weeks of one another is exhausting and something Swedes don't have to deal with on an annual basis. Stouffer's stuffing wouldn't be so popular if women everywhere in kitchens hadn't asked, "can't I just get a little break here?" during their Thanksgiving cooking, baking/slaving in the kitchen for 9 hours.  After scouring the grocery stores here, even the big behemoths down the street, I have resigned to make EVERYTHING from scratch and to forgo some Thanksgiving classics because they simply do not exist here.  This will be a new approach to Thanksgiving since I always utilized shortcuts in the past.  This new approach has the greatest potential for either complete failure or the most delicious Thanksgiving dinner I've ever created.


Here's what I need to make from scratch, which I've never done before:

  • Pie crusts -- crusts for apple, pumpkin and mud pies
    • Oreo pie crust -- will be crushing Ballerinakaka instead of Oreos -- hopefully a minor substitution
    • Apple and pumpkin crusts -- no lard or Crisco available so I will be using straight butter - yum!
  • Coffee ice cream -- WITHOUT an ice cream maker -- going old school.  (Oh and I'm sorry, but Sweden, what is wrong with this picture? Your population consumes 4 cups of coffee per person per day and you don't have coffee-flavored ice cream??  That's like Switzerland not having chocolate. Come on now!)
  • Hot fudge topping -- Move over Smuckers cause the Ferland recipe is going to be hot competition!
  • Whipped cream -- ok, I've made this before but even still.  It requires a lot of arm strength to whip by hand
  • Gravy -- since we can't find a turkey ANYWHERE, we are roasting 2 chickens and we have to make gravy on our own.  I found something called Naturligt smakrik, Brunsås (translated: naturally tasty gravy/brown sauce) is the closest thing to gravy that I can find.  No idea how it is going to taste though.
  • Pumpkin pie filling -- the cans of pumpkin pie filling are probably the most convenient thing ever. I know that some people hate them but honestly, I can't tell the difference between homemade and the ones from the can.  This year I'm going to cut a real pumpkin in half and bake it and puree it with the Magic Bullet our landlords left for us to use.  It's my only hope for pumpkin pie this Thanksgiving so fingers are crossed tightly!

Not buying you...
Not buying you either

This would save so much time
Here are the links to the recipes for our menu this year  -- we had to omit turkey and cranberry sauce because Sweden doesn't know that Americans in their country are dying for those two things this week:
And just in case it all falls to pieces, I'm putting 2 frozen pizzas in the freezer downstairs...

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

I'm the Swedish Peter Forsberg

Last month, my neighbor asked if I had any interest in playing innebandy (http://www.innebandy.se/).  Without knowing exactly what it was, I said yes and started asking my coworkers once I got in to the office.  Turns out it is indoor floor hockey, Swedish style.  This is evidently a huge deal here, and they actually have a semi-pro league that runs in the winter.  Also, every swede I told about my invitation just said to be careful, that innebandy gets pretty physical and to make sure I “bring my elbows”.  So I was a little nervous, but got myself mentally ready to rough up some Viking if need be…. 

The first Wednesday, they only had 5 people able to play, so it was cancelled last minute (minimum of 6). 

The second Wednesday, I decided to go to drink beers and watch fotbol with work buddies.

Today was the third Wednesday, and it was GAME ON

A few random observations from the hour long game:

Learning Swedish - continued


Considering we have lived here nearly a year, we have been average-poor students in the Swedish language.  We have found that Swedes are very eager to speak English because they speak it so well and enjoy practicing.  The temptation to revert to your native language is so strong, that we haven't really been "forced" to even try.  The only real places where we have hit a brick wall with communications is at the playground with kids under school age.  Many times I'll be at the playground with Calvin and children will come up to me and blather in Swedish about a long story.  I'm left just nodding and agreeing with whatever they are saying with an "okej" and "jaha."

Not knowing the language is isolating and disorienting.  The tendency to just tune out our surroundings is in direct conflict with our desire to experience this new country and all it has to offer. Learning the language has become a high priority since it is clear that we aren't simply going to "absorb" it on our own.

Last night we started in earnest with

Monday, November 12, 2012

Where's the snow?

I know that as soon as I post this, tonight's night air will freeze and we'll be greeted in the morning with 2-3" of snow.  But...I'm taking that chance and defying the weather gods with this post - notably dangerous ground to tread here in Sweden.  Today was beautiful - BEAUTIFUL.  Sunny, no precipitation, a little wind with some bite, but not bad at all.  Last night, I took Bessie out for her night walk without a jacket on and wasn't freezing.

Is this abnormal? Is this Sweden's way of welcoming my southern blood and allowing me time to adapt to the new darkness and frost cycles?  Uhh...no.  Upon googling, "average temperature by month, Stockholm, Sweden" this is what I found:


Ok, nevermind.  The average highs are exactly what we have been seeing for November and our actual lows are much lower than average.  This graph also revealed that our average lows in September and October were much colder than what is reflected by this graph.  So, instead of lamenting months that could've been much warmer than they were (oh June, July, August, and September!) I will be grateful for the sunny day today, high of 43 and fun run on the country trails I took with Bessie this morning.  

As someone said to us the otherday, "Don't ask if the snow is coming but when.  It will be here for a while, don't you worry."
Running with the sun on his face

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

House Hunters International - Stockholm, Sweden and us


We were on tv last night!  Thanks to my parents and some extra large cups of coffee, we were able to wake up early (4am) and FaceTime to watch our episode of House Hunters International live on their television in NY.  Fortunately they were recording it as well, so we could rewind and catch some of the parts we missed due to our screams and sidebar commentary.

Prior to watching the show,  I think Jon and I were both worried about how we would be portrayed.  Over the course of filming 4 days we said so many things that we had no idea how they would piece it together.  Being 4 months ago, we don't even remember a fraction of what we said or did.  At the heart of it, my worst fears were actually being accurately portrayed and just not liking what I saw.  You know how when you hear your own voice on a voicemail or tape recorder that you are absolutely shocked by what you hear?  I was afraid of that but in video form...for 18 minutes straight...seen nationally.

My parents set up their ipad to face the tv so we could watch it like we were in their living room.
I love technology!

When we began FaceTiming with my parents (thank goodness for iPads), our hearts were racing and we were freaking out (internally).  Hiding behind our first mugs of coffee, we watched the first clip.  It was really interesting to see how they pieced together all of our scenes. For instance, they show us at a coffee shop ordering food -- it was a French coffee shop and they asked him to speak Swedish.  Poor guy has the most French-accented Swedish diction ever.  Perhaps not a Swedish cafe representation but it gives off the right impression -- that we are overwhelmed by the new language.

Throughout the episode, I think that the entire experience is pretty positive.  I come across as a penny-pinching tightwad but then again, that's not that far off from the truth.  Jon was told to be a little more "loose" with the budget, which of course he was not. Other than that, they recreated our house hunting experience pretty well.  The realtor was fantastic.  She was very positive and helpful. I wish we had her help during our own experience looking for a place.  She earned our future business though as I'm sure we will be looking for a new place in the upcoming 1-2 years.

I wish they had shown less of the houses and more of Calvin.  It was so nice to revisit him at his age during the taping -- 14 months. He has changed so much so quickly.  It was also nice to revisit Stockholm in the summer time.  We'll be replaying our dvd during these dark winter days as a reminder of just how beautiful the summer can be in Stockholm.

We couldn't share these pictures with you before the airing of the episode but here are a few "behind-the-scenes" pictures of our episode.  Look for our full episode on hgtv.com or hulu.com whenever they update their episodes.

Thanks to everyone for watching and posting screenshots of us on their televisions to Facebook.  It was a surreal experience for us and we had a lot of fun!  We hope that our episode entices some of you to book a trip to come visit us, in the summer of course!


Behind the scenes pictures!
Calvin loved Christian -- the sound guy


Don't look at the camera, don't look at the camera

Ase, our awesome realtor


Our producer, keeping us on task


Butterfly house - carp tank


Swings!


What a great crew!

Sometimes you just need to dance

Dance break!!

Calvin and I have at least one ridiculous dance break every day where we both just go a little crazy to the music, bouncing around the house.  Some days you just feel like dancing, you know?  I've also never seen someone angry or upset while they are dancing. It is an instant mood lifter.

Thanks to being exposed to Swedish pop music - which is fantastic - I've discovered some new favorite songs by Swedish artists.  They are all in Swedish but what they are saying doesn't really matter since your feet can find the beat in any language.

So here is a guilty-free dance break for you.  If you are like Calvin, you'll find a nearby full length mirror and bounce around a little bit, spin around a few times, and pretend to jump by wildly throwing your arms in the air.

Enjoy!

Dansa Pausa by Panetoz


Flytta på dej by Alina Devecerski





Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Updated: Get out and vote! 2012 Presidential Election


Sweden is HYPED up about the election in the US.  My neighbor pulled me aside and asked if I had voted for "the good guy" and Jon is being cornered at work with his co-workers' own opinions about who should win the election.

We sent in our absentee ballots a month ago, so we already voted but we are still ready to watch the excitement and chaos on tv.  Apparently Sweden's Channel 1 will cover the event so we don't have to worry about missing any of the action.  We are headed to bed early tonight so we can wake up at 3am to catch our episode of House Hunter's International.  It should be an interesting night!!

Update:
The election coverage on Sweden's Channel 1, naturally,  is all in Swedish...not much help.  I'll be tuning into CNN international and Al Jazeera English.


Friday, November 2, 2012

UPDATED: Calvin's first school picture

When Calvin's forskola said that they were having picture day on Wednesday, I remembered my own first school picture -- me with a red tear-stained face in front of a backdrop of evergreen trees.  I honest-to-goodness remember the day (probably because I cried and because I was 5), but I remember what had happened.  We were all standing in line, waiting to take our pictures and the girl ahead of me started to freak out because of the bright flash-pop from the camera whenever a picture was taken.  She started crying and even though I wasn't scared, it was infectious and I couldn't stop crying myself.  I wasn't scared of the camera but it was just enough that other kids were frightened so I figured they knew something I didn't.

Fortunately when I dropped Calvin off for his picture, I noticed that they had the kids playing in a room separate from the professional photographer.  The kids would play and then would go in, one at a time, to get their pictures taken.  They were standing, posing, laughing and having fun.  I left Calvin crossing my fingers that he wouldn't be too nervous.

We just received the pictures in the mail today and while he is not smiling, he is a super cutey-pie-pants with no tears!  No crying! It was great.  He looks a little bored, if not in the middle of doing something with his hands.  Maybe the itsy-bitsy spider?  I'll never know.  Best of all, we received these pictures for free/our taxes already paid for them and instructions on how to pay for them.  Perfect!

UPDATE:
So above I mentioned that the pictures were free.  I mean, who gives the product to the customer and then says, "Here's what you owe us and we know that you'll pay it."  Well, the Swedish school picture people do.  I mean, my friends at Lifetouch, is that a model that would work in the US?  Usually you have to put in your order and pay upfront, then the product is delivered.  Right?  Or at least, they send a watermarked proof copy and you can choose to buy based on the quality of the picture.  I guess Swedish parents don't really like this model since you have to return the pictures you don't want to buy so you feel obligated to buy them all -- it's just easier that way.  Fortunately for us, we love the pictures and were going to buy them anyway. (I'm pretty sure the grandparents wouldn't want us returning these pictures!) Bankgiro is processed and paid for!

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Lyckliga Halloween!


Sweden has its own holidays like "Kanelbulle Day" (cinnamon bun day) and other pastry holidays but we don't want to lose sight of our own fun American days, like Halloween.  Calvin can have the best of both worlds -- American traditions AND Swedish traditions, but it means that we have to work hard(er) at ensuring it is celebrated properly.  Halloween is still gaining popularity here in Sweden and it was difficult to find adult costumes, so we just dressed with what we had lying around the house.

Since we don't really entertain much anymore, we kind of went decoration-crazy and bought skeleton garlands, spider webs, ghosts, and skulls to really spook-it-up!  I spent an inordinate amount of time scouring Spotify for proper kid-friendly Halloween songs to create a monster mashup for our 2 hour party on Saturday.

Spider webs everywhere


We invited our friends and neighbors to join us and I had envisioned deliciously spooky spider cake balls, ghostly shaped pizzas and a punch drink that would slake any thirst.  Things started to go wrong when all of my American Halloween treat recipes required dire substitutes from our Swedish grocery stores.

First off -- cake pops/balls require lollipop sticks.  These are relatively easy to find at craft stores in Atlanta but I had no hopes of finding them in my neighborhood stores.  Fine, no problem.  Let's substitute pretzel sticks instead of lollipop sticks.  Great, right? Wrong!
Pretzel sticks snapped under the weight of the giant cake balls
The tiny pretzel sticks were no match for the weight of the dense cake balls.  Rather than continue down this path, Jon gently suggested that I just flick the chocolate over the cake balls instead of dipping them into the chocolate and just leave them in "ball"form rather than use the pretzel sticks.  The end result was more attractive and still delicious.
New cake balls -- less spooky, more edible
Jon's pizza dough came out great, so instead of creating pizzas for the party, we put out all of the toppings and had each person make their own ghostly pizza.  Some kids just ate the toppings, so it worked out for everyone.  Swedish grocery stores are lacking cranberry juice, so instead of a blood red punch, we had to settle for a blueberry base with orange and apple juice.  Thankfully the SodaStream came in handy in making it all sparkly.

We ended up with 7 kids and 12 adults so we had a full house.  Luckily, the couch was wide open for jumping!

Couch jumpers!

                                                                            


 Most of the kids were too young for any official "games" so we kind of went freestyle with it and let them just play with all of the toys and balloons.  The older kids found the castle tent downstairs and played with Jon for a while.  I enjoyed seeing the shock on Jon's face when he realized he was the only adult with 4 children -- none of whom were his own.  The adults enjoyed some Hell beer and Pistonhead (complete with glow in the dark skulls) and we all rocked out to some Thriller.
            


On our actual Halloween night (Wednesday) we ended up with 7 trick or treaters -- all of whom were very scary looking.  They were dressed in elaborate makeup and black costumes.  I didn't know what they were supposed to be but they achieved the effect of scaring me into giving them candy so they didn't egg my house (not an empty threat as it happened to one of Jon's coworkers).  They banged on our door using our creepy door knocker and just stood there with a basket.  No "trick or treat" just a blank stare that said, "give me caaaandyyy" or however you say it in Swedish.  There were no cutesy butterflies or fluffy monsters -- all of these kids (aged 5-9) looked like they had come straight from a horror movie set.
Not Swedish children but you get the idea
Now, that's the way to do it.  The few kids who went trick or treating made out like bandits.  One kid even tipped - and thereby emptying - the candy bowl into his basket for him and his 3 friends.  Well played kid, well played.