UPDATED: Calvin's first school picture

When Calvin's forskola said that they were having picture day on Wednesday, I remembered my own first school picture -- me with a red tear-stained face in front of a backdrop of evergreen trees.  I honest-to-goodness remember the day (probably because I cried and because I was 5), but I remember what had happened.  We were all standing in line, waiting to take our pictures and the girl ahead of me started to freak out because of the bright flash-pop from the camera whenever a picture was taken.  She started crying and even though I wasn't scared, it was infectious and I couldn't stop crying myself.  I wasn't scared of the camera but it was just enough that other kids were frightened so I figured they knew something I didn't.

Fortunately when I dropped Calvin off for his picture, I noticed that they had the kids playing in a room separate from the professional photographer.  The kids would play and then would go in, one at a time, to get their pictures taken.  They were standing, posing, laughing and having fun.  I left Calvin crossing my fingers that he wouldn't be too nervous.

We just received the pictures in the mail today and while he is not smiling, he is a super cutey-pie-pants with no tears!  No crying! It was great.  He looks a little bored, if not in the middle of doing something with his hands.  Maybe the itsy-bitsy spider?  I'll never know.  Best of all, we received these pictures for free/our taxes already paid for them and instructions on how to pay for them.  Perfect!

UPDATE:

So above I mentioned that the pictures were free.  I mean, who gives the product to the customer and then says, "Here's what you owe us and we know that you'll pay it."  Well, the Swedish school picture people do.  I mean, my friends at Lifetouch, is that a model that would work in the US?  Usually you have to put in your order and pay upfront, then the product is delivered.  Right?  Or at least, they send a watermarked proof copy and you can choose to buy based on the quality of the picture.  I guess Swedish parents don't really like this model since you have to return the pictures you don't want to buy so you feel obligated to buy them all -- it's just easier that way.  Fortunately for us, we love the pictures and were going to buy them anyway. (I'm pretty sure the grandparents wouldn't want us returning these pictures!) Bankgiro is processed and paid for!

Run Calvin! Run!

Calvin's förskola sent out a reminder to all parents that the kids would be running around the soccer field on Tuesday morning and that all parents were welcome to come and cheer them on/help out.  In my mind, this meant that the kids would head down to the field and run around like kids do.  In a haphazard manner. When Calvin and I got down to the field, we found not only his fellow classmates ready to run, but they all had race numbers pinned to their jackets.  Orange cones outlined the perimeter of two soccer fields and the teacher, Oliver, ran the entire course to show the kids where to go.  The course was a proper course and even featured a water table at the halfway mark.

Dagis - Is the 3rd time the charm?

Checking out the place before any kids start for the year

I have written past articles about our/my struggle to find an appropriate daycare/dagis/forskola for Calvin.  No place was good enough, clean enough, friendly enough, [insert your own values] enough for me to consider placing him there.  I even thought that child-friendly Sweden would be a cake-walk to find the right fit, but alas, the perfect dagis remained out of reach. I had to tell our first Swedish dagis

I broke up with dagis

(Dagis=preschool=daycare)

I was so excited for Calvin to start preschool (or dagis) here in Stockholm.  We had successfully navigated the application system and attended an open house.  I even blogged about (here) a comparison between my experience with the US daycare system and the Swedish system.  All systems were "go" we just needed to complete inskolning or in-take.

Now, to my credit, I was really sure, no positive, that this time around, we were going to do the daycare thing up right.  Calvin was 12 months old, able to toddle around and get himself from place to place.  We are struggling a little bit with his weight and getting him to eat any food that isn't a fruit, but we're working on it slowly but surely.  I figured that he would see the other kids eating chicken and think it was a good idea too.  The 4 days of in-take were supposed to show me how he was going to interact with the other kids and the teachers.  That was not how our experience went down.  I'm going to put this into bullets to keep myself on track but you'll be able to see the warning signs when I did.

Day 1 of in-take -- 9am-11am

• Hang out with Calvin and 2 other kids and sang some songs with the teacher
• I noticed that the doors between the classrooms were kept open and the kids were crawling or walking between rooms
• Numerous times, other teachers would pop in and ask if I had seen so-and-so
• Noticed one girl was sickish looking and was being rocked by a teacher
• Calvin loved playing with all of the toys but I was with him by myself with him for about 1 hour (where are the teachers?)

The only interaction I saw between a teacher and Calvin all day

Do you see the sick girl in the back? I do...

Food?

Day 2 of in-take -- 9am - 12pm

• Met some other moms and kids -- Calvin played with them and got ran over a few times by the older kids (no big deal)
• Spoke with the Director of the preschool who was holding sick girl from Day 1 and as she told me that she had a recurring fever proceeded to say that "I would never enroll my child here unless they were 18 months old.  They will just get too sick because it is up to the parent to get their child if they have a fever.  One girl has had an eye infection for 4 days now and she keeps getting dropped off."
• Spent more time playing with other moms and kids (again, where are the teachers)
• Had 20 minutes of singing in a play room with a slide.  Calvin started climbing the slide and nearly fell off.  If I hadn't been there, he would have fallen on his head as the teacher was distracted with the other kids
• Lunch time -- kids are served pasta and chicken and food is placed in front of them.  To entice them to eat, the teachers squirted ketchup on their pasta.  
• Calvin sat there and cried.
• We left...

So, I was mulling the above information over in my head and combined it with some other things that we had to take into account.

1. The school was going to close in July (as most of Sweden does) and we are moving out of the area mid-July so Calvin would be changing schools.
2. Calvin would really only attend the school for a total of 30 hours for the entire month with upcoming visitors and trips in June.
3. The director of the school said in no uncertain terms that their school isn't designed for 12 month olds.  He should really be older before attending dagis.

Between the safety, health and nutrition factors listed above, I didn't think that enrolling him for 1 month was really worth the stress, worry and affect on his schedule.  The school enforces 1 nap a day (12-2pm) and getting him adjusted during in-take was a real struggle.  It was clear, I had to break up with dagis. This relationship just wasn't going to work out.

When I went to the school on our 3rd day of in-take to break off our agreement, Calvin took the longest nap ever -- a total of 4 hours for his morning nap.  RECORD BREAKING!  He was so exhausted from only getting 1 nap a day that his body was trying to catch up.  I think that we will need to transition to 1 nap eventually, but right now, he is too young for it.  The school is really designed for older kids and their schedule, lunch menu, and fever protocols (or lack thereof) really reflect that.

Jon jokingly said, "So, when are you going to send Calvin to school?  Will he be home schooled until he is 10 years old?"  I hope not!  I really wanted this to work out for all of us.  My consulting work is really taking off and my projects are getting busier and busier. I need time away from Calvin (at least a few hours each day) to be productive at work.  He really loves interacting with the other children and being outside playing.  I just didn't think that his safety was going to be looked after appropriately and that is really my main concern.  I know he'll get fevers and that he won't eat their food at first, but he would adjust eventually.

Sigh...oh well.  I may be on the way to being an overbearing mom but at least I'm honest about it.

Calvin's new preschool -- a comparison between US and Swedish daycares

New preschool!

I blogged previously about the nightmare that is the Swedish daycare/preschool application system in Stockholm but in case you forgot about it, you can read all about it here and here.  Aside from the website stockholmstad.se  being almost completely useless and user-hostile, I managed to submit Calvin's application to preschool for August 2012.  With this system, there is no guarantee that you will be placed in a preschool near where you live, just "somewhere in Stockholm."  OK -- well that could easily be 45 minutes away by public transit.  Naturally, we would all prefer one within walking distance of our house so we can just walk the little guy back after a long day.  Since we are only enrolling Calvin part time, I would prefer not to have to commute an hour each way so I can go back to the house to work on my consulting projects.

Needless to say, we were thrilled (or hesitatingly optimistic) when we received a large packet of information in the mail.  ALL of it was in Swedish (of course), so with the help of Google Translate and a Swedish friend, we figured out that we were accepted to a brand new private preschool on our island -- about a 10 minute walk from our place.  PERFECT!  We were invited to an open house so we could meet the teachers and find out what is expected of us as parents.

Joann and Dave were in town for Calvin's first birthday, so I brought Joann with me since Jon had to work late.  I wanted to have her perspective on the place and she witnessed firsthand what we went through with the nannies back in Atlanta, so I knew she would have good advice.

When we arrived, I was surprised by how "under construction" the place was considering they were going to start taking kids in two weeks.  Other than that, it was sparkling new.  Nothing like new toys and carpet to make you feel all warm and fuzzy.  The toys were all perfectly lined up in rows just ready for the little baby hands to snag them.  Everything was orderly and pristine.  They gave an informational session and even though the teachers knew that 45% of us only spoke English, the entire presentation was in Swedish with the promise to pause and translate the important parts --- only they didn't.  They had PowerPoint slides with words on them that I have never seen before in my life.  I couldn't even begin to break them down and I feel like my understanding of basic Swedish vocabulary is fairly solid.  One woman raised her hand and was like, "can I get a hint here?"  Basically they talked in length about their approach to teaching (or I think that's what they were saying).  They would speak for about 20 minutes, laugh, gesture, and then give us English-only folk a 1 minute recap.  I don't think I missed anything too essential or at least I hope I didn't.

Having gone through this daycare song and dance with Calvin back in the US, I found this experience to be completely different.  For one thing, he is a lot older now and my questions are really different than they were when he was a baby-baby.  Back then, when he was 3 months old, all I really cared about was how they were going to feed him, pay attention to his naps, and pick him up when he was crying.  Now, my only questions were centered around how much outside play time he was going to have and the age of the other kids around him.  I felt much more calm, centered and like we were both ready for this transition.

While my mind was spinning trying to listen to Swedish for 45 minutes, Calvin and Joann played with all of the new toys in the other rooms.  He was busy putting objects away and driving on their fancy fun car mats.  He loves opening and closing doors and had a fun time in the kitchen, banging all of those mini pots and pans.  It was familiar to him because we have been going to the open preschools together for 3 months.  He knows the design, toys and he seemed really comfortable.  He didn't even notice me when I came back in the room because he was too busy playing and exploring.  I couldn't help but think back to what a wreck I was back in Atlanta when I decided that we couldn't do daycare because their shoe removal policy was atrocious (they wore those shoe covers outside which kind of defeats the entire point).  Now I just looked at him with a big smile -- he's going to be 110% ok with this.  He is going to have so much fun every day.  He loves interacting with other kids and he is really becoming a social guy -- he must get that from his dad.

Fun car mat!

A few notables on the differences I experienced between the two systems.  This is not to say that ALL US daycares are like this but this is what we were looking at in Atlanta:

Price
Atlanta: $1,500/month -- full time, no part time option
Stockholm: max $175/month -- full time or part time (30 hrs, which is slightly less)

Essentials to bring from home
Atlanta: diapers, wipes, change of clothes, bottles with milk, pacifier
Stockholm: change of clothes, pictures of loved ones, 1 stuffed animal for nap time, pacifier (diapers and wipes are provided)

Teacher to baby ratio
Atlanta: 1:3 (though one teacher "floated" amongst the classrooms, so I observed 1:4 and often 1:5, which is ridiculous)
Stockholm: 1:3

Intake/Adjustment*
Atlanta: 3 days: Day 1: you spend 1 hour getting to know the teacher and letting your kid "play"; Day 2: you leave your child for 3-4 hours and come back every once in a while to check on them; Day 3: leave your child
Stockholm: 3 days: Day 1: spend a half day getting to see the routine and schedule; Day 2: stay until after lunch; Day 3: if you and your child are ready, you leave at some point during the day

*The biggest difference I saw between the two intake systems was that the US daycare was fairly flippant about the process.  It was almost like they were going through the motions of trying to make the parents feel at ease about leaving their 3 month old with a complete set of strangers.  They kept telling me, "yeah yeah, we do this with babies all of the time."  In Stockholm, they emphasized in both languages, that it was very important that both parents and children feel safe and comfortable in the school.  They stressed that on Day 3, you can choose to leave your child or choose to stay longer and continue sitting in until you feel comfortable enough to leave.  You have to "say goodbye" to your child and hand them over to their care provider so that your child knows that you are leaving.  No sneaking off while they are distracted playing!

Sorry mom, I'm busy playing!

I feel more comfortable with our current situation for numerous reasons.

1. Calvin is older -- plain and simple.  He cries a whole lot less so there isn't the worry that someone won't address his every whimper like I had before.
2. Open preschools have set us both up for success.  He knows what is expected of him in these social situations and I know how he will behave and act.  It is reassuring to know that he enjoys all of the playtime and singing.
3. I've done this before.  I've already "left" my baby with another person for care taking during the day.  Albeit we chose a nanny instead of a daycare, but I still left him for 9 hours each day.  I feel like it was much harder when he was younger and I survived it just fine. This doesn't feel nearly as heart wrenching.

I looked at the room of parents and saw the looks of terror, fear and anxiety on some of the moms' faces.  Nobody looked happy and I started wondering if I was crazy for being so calm.  One mom looked at her child's name posted on the cubby and said, "my baby!"  It doesn't matter how old your baby is when you "leave" them, the first time is always the worst.  I absolutely love all of my time with Calvin but I see it as super special "extra" time.  If we still lived in Atlanta, I would still be working and wouldn't have had all of these great experiences at home with him.  His attendance to daycare/preschool isn't the ending of our time together but a chance for him to develop further independence.  I remain lucky in that I'll still be able to go pick him up whenever I want to and it is just a quick walk around the corner.  But I'm not going to lie as I'm also looking forward to speaking on conference calls without a shouty baby banging toys in the background. Professionally, I need some quiet time to get my work done.  Chasing after Calvin to make sure he doesn't poke the dogs' eyes out while I'm writing a paper has been exhausting!

We are going to have to work on their pronunciation of his name though.  One teacher announced his name and I didn't even recognize it.  It took me a second because no other parent moved and then I was like, "Oh yeah, I'm Kelvin Yammies' mom" or at least that was what it sounded like.  Kelvin Yammies...

Some Swedish names and one American name

Ergonomic high chairs

tea time?

I call it a "pillow jacuzzi" and that is a rubber hedgehog in the pic

Update: More information about Swedish Daycare

A few weeks ago I blogged about the Swedish daycare system.  Since then, we have successfully put Calvin's name on the list of 5 government run daycares that are within walking distance from our house and 1 private school.  There are some limitations to enrollment if one parent isn't working/stay-at-home mom.  Given that I have contract work on the side, I am technically not employed in the Swedish system and this does not move Calvin's name to the top of the waiting list.  The system favors both parents who are working or those who are studying at the university.

There are a bunch of other details available here that are very helpful.  I find it fascinating that the government daycares cannot turn a profit. Here is a copy/paste of some of the more relevant facts:

The state recommendations for public childcare charges are as follows:
Child no 1 - 3% of the family income to a maximum 1 260 SEK/month.
Child no 2 - 2% of the family income to a maximum 840 SEK/month.
Child no 3 -1% of the family income to a maximum 420 SEK/month.
Child no 4 - no fee.

While it is up to the individual municipality to decide whether these fees apply, most do follow this system. However, a municipality is not allowed by law to make a profit from child-care.

Private childcare facilities are less regulated with the recommendation that charges are not ‘unreasonably high’. Even for private childcare, the municipality is responsible for policing the standards.

The hours you are entitled to have your child in daycare depend on how old the child is and whether both parents are working (in which case you can have a full time position) or whether one on maternity/paternity leave or job-seeking. If one of the latter, you are entitled to part-time hours of three hours a day or fifteen hours a week. If you are job-seeking, you may need to prove that you are actively looking – the state will not allow you to just put your child into child-care to free up some hours for yourself each week.

The exception to this rule is Stockholm county residents who are entitled to have a place for up to 30 hours a week even if one parent is on maternity/paternity leave or job-seeking.

However, all children who are four, or turn four during the coming school year (August-June), are entitled to a place offering at least 525 hours per year.

Opening hours will vary from place to place. Some are willing to serve breakfast, others even provide night-time care (nattdagis) for those who work nightshift. 

Daycares

Daycares, known is Swedish as dagis or förskola, are run or overseen by each municipality, are available once your child has turned one and your municipality is obliged to offer you a place within 3-4 months of you notifying them that you want a position (although not always the case in reality). They are also obliged to offer you a place in a daycare as close to your home as possible.

You may find the Swedish childcare system quite different to what you are used to. The foundation was laid in the early 70s aiming to make it possible for parents to continue working (or studying) and to encourage the child’s development and learning. By providing affordable childcare the government are assuring that women do not fall in to the “woman’s trap” (kvinnofällan). Typically the woman’s trap is being at home due to the high cost of childcare and their low income relative to the father’s, and thus not fulfilling their right to be an individual outside the home, to work and earn money, and to have a career and earn a pension.

Day-cares do have a curriculum but the emphasis is more a guide and general reference for the day-care themselves than a rigid outline of education they must follow. Play is viewed as very important at this age and is encouraged for much of the day in those following the national curriculum. Learning is not considered so much in the academic sense, but more in terms of socialising and the establishment of routines.

A rough outline, by age, of the school system is:
< 12 months             playschools or open preschools (öppna förskolor)
1 – 6 years               day-care (förskola, daghem or dagis)
6 – 7 years               pre-school and after-school program (6 års verksamhet & fritids)
7 – 16 years             compulsory education (afterschool program until age 10) (grundskolan)
16 – 19 years           post-compulsory education (gymnasium)
19 years -                 higher education/adult education

The School Year 
Generally it starts around mid August (exact dates are decided by the municipality) and the first term runs through to December/January with a one week half-term break, giving a total of two weeks break with the Christmas holidays. A second term starts in January and the school year finishes in June.

This spring has two breaks in it - a sports week (sportslov) and Easter. The sports week is during the snow season and allows families to go away for skiing holidays. It is managed so that different regions of the country have different sports weeks to try and minimize overcrowding in the resorts. There are also a couple of long weekends based on Whitsunday and Ascension Day.

The autumn/fall term has just one mid-term break at the end of October.