By the Baltic—an Insider's Tour of Åkersberga, Sweden

Upon first glance, Åkersberga (pronounced like "oakers-bear-ya") is a rather unremarkable—some may even say ugly (wasn't me!)—suburb of Stockholm, Sweden. But if you spend some time here, like an onion, Åkersberga reveals its beautiful layers to you over time. We have lived in Åkersberga for 2+ years and continue to discover new hidden treasures.

Åkersberga is a 48-minute tram ride away from central Stockholm. The tram ride is scenic with wooded forests flanking the tram line, a few scenic lakes, and quick stops every two minutes at various quaint suburbs. There is even a prison along the tram line (the tram doesn't stop there, though), which would normally be considered an eyesore, but instead, it has a beautiful view of a lake. How rehabilitating it must be to have nature at your doorstep even though you are serving time in jail.

The Beach

Osterakers havsbad in summer—go windsurfing!

The tram will take you all the way to the Baltic Sea if you don't hop off at the specific Åkersberga stop. Our favorite beach, Österskärs havsbad, is located at the terminal station. There is a nude beach a few minutes down the road, but we were greatly disappointed to learn that only old wrinkly seniors sunbathe nude—even in Sweden—the land of everyone-is-so-beautiful-it-has-forever-warped-my-standards-for-beauty. Our beach—not the nude one—has a very nice restaurant, Solbrannan, overlooking the water sporting amazing views and delicious food. For Jon's birthday last year, I bought him a 2-hour windsurfing lesson. He absolutely loved it! The beach is enjoyed year-round with families eating their weight in ice cream in the summer and cozying up around their warm cups of coffee in the winter—soaking in a view of the Baltic frozen under a blanket of snow.

Osterskars havsbad in winter

Forests and Lakes

If the beach isn't your thing, Åkersberga has plenty of nature reserves and wooded areas for exploration—we have stumbled upon many new lakes this way. Due to Sweden's Right of Public Access, you can pick all of the blueberries or mushrooms you want in any of the nearby woods. During our summers, we usually alternate beach days with forest/blueberry picking days, and it is perfect. Nobody gets too sun-bleached, and we get to have wild-blueberry pancakes and pies all summer long.

Ahh, the lake

One of nature's best playgrounds, Domarudden, is a hiker, biker, walker, skier, runner, and swimmer's paradise. There are trails that criss-cross through the beautiful forests and a sparkling blue lake that warms up as a perfect swimming spot in the summer. There are cute red cabins for rent to plan a family getaway, business retreat, or mini vacation. The playground will challenge your child's balance, climbing ability, and imagination. It is a great place to feel like you are "away" from it all.

Another beautiful natural playground (I don't even know its name) is very difficult to find for the uninitiated. Neither Apple Maps nor Google Maps could accurately locate the GPS pin from my friend. She pinned her exact location while she was standing in the playground and yet we were still off the map! Eventually, we stumbled across it after blindly biking in the opposite direction and keeping our fingers crossed. It was worth the trouble because this playground is amazing! Our four-year-old loved navigating across the wooden balance beams, climbing on the ropes, and hiding in the teepees. I enjoyed relaxing in the recycled rubber hammock under the yellow and orange falling leaves. My two-year-old kissed every woodland creature—or rather, carved wooden statues of bears, rabbits, foxes, and cats.

Much balancing happening here

So many carved cow kisses

Gotta hold the princess dress high so you can see your feet!

While Åkersberga may not have the immediate "wow!" impact of Stockholm, it does have numerous redeeming factors. Children can safely ride their bikes or walk to school on the numerous pedestrian paths that run alongside the road, and the neighborhoods are friendly. Just drive 10 minutes from the Baltic and you're in beautiful green pastures with horses chewing on grass, manicured golf clubs, and picturesque farms. Yeah, life is pretty good in Åkersberga.

Horses, green grass, and blue sky

Buying a Swedish house - eBay style!

We did not want to purchase any property in Sweden until we thought we "understood" the market a bit better. I placed understood in quotation marks because I don't think anyone truly understands the Swedish housing market. After speaking with numerous real estate agents, they all shake their heads and say, "I don't know. It's just crazy." I guess that's the easiest way to describe it: it's just crazy.

After doing some quick calculus, it dawned on us that we have moved 3 times in the past 3.5 years - Atlanta to Stockholm, Stockholm to Lidingo, and Lidingo to Akersberga. Moving so frequently is not only an expensive logistical nightmare but it is also difficult on the children. Now that our children are old enough to create friendships, uprooting them to the next rental for another year seems irresponsible. Living the gypsy lifestyle seems somewhat pointless when we have no intentions to leave Sweden any time soon. No, we had to purchase a house. It was time to figure out how to do so.

The Swedish real estate market (it's just crazy) is fairly streamlined on two websites - blocket.se and hemnet.se. After monitoring both, we found it easier just to focus on hemnet as there were mostly duplicate listings on blocket.

Jon spent every Saturday for a month driving around to the 4 quadrant neighborhoods outside of Stockholm to see if there were more affordable, livable options for us besides our current neighborhood. We didn't feel good about any of the other options for various reasons so we lasered our focus to the homes posted just in our town.

Here's how the process works for 99% of the houses in our neighborhood - a north eastern suburb of Stockholm:

• House is posted on hemnet.se with beautiful pictures, description and asking price
• Within 10-14 days of posting, there is one viewing on Sunday for 45 mins and possibly another on Monday for 45 mins in the evening
• Bidding (bids accepted anytime after the house is posted) generally begins on Monday
• Bids are placed via SMS to the realtor
• Once you enter a bid, you receive an SMS update every time there is another bid. Never has hearing your phone's text message BING been so stressful!
• After the bidding stops, the realtor calls every single person who attended the viewing(s) and/or placed a bid to see if they want to place another bid
• Highest bid (usually) receives the house 
• Home is removed from public listing after contract is signed
• The end!

There are different bidding styles, not unlike eBay, that we encountered:

• The Big Spender - places a first bid high above asking price to scare off competitors
• The Smidgen Upper - stabs your soul in small tiny bid increments within 5 mins of your own bid placement
• The Sniper - comes in at the last minute to outbid the highest bidder before the contract is signed

Example bidding - note the time stamps
All of these bids were received within 4 days of the house going on the market. It was sold before it's first viewing

The eBay-like bidding process is what makes the entire market unpredictable. We have watched houses that need serious renovation increase 37% in price due to the bidding. 37%! Also, sellers moving from pricier Stockholm are willing to bid up the price in the suburbs to secure whatever neighborhood they want and consequently, the prices are rising 14%-20% every 4 months. 

Jon and I observed this absolutely absurd housing market activity and said, "We may not be able to afford a house in this neighborhood if we wait any longer!" What a scary thought considering just 2 years ago, when we moved, this was a little suburb with a big commute.

What throws yet another wrench into this horrible process is that bids from the buyers are not binding and the seller does not have to sell to the highest bidder. Nope - if you are the highest bidder but bidder 2 is a friend of the seller's then you're out of luck. Also, someone can place a bid that raises the price, you counter, they remove their bid (it's not binding after all) and you are now stuck paying an inflated bid price. Too bad, so sad. 

You can see why we approached this housing market like a roaming lion out on the savannah. We hid, cowering behind a wall for many years so we wouldn't have to deal with it. Now the lion is moving much faster and is much stronger and we have to enter its domain. 

We possibly chose the most stressful way to buy a house and we placed a bid on a house that we had never seen before. We had missed the Sunday viewing and had only seen the pictures on hemnet. After going to enough viewings, we knew how realtors hide very big flaws in pictures so we negotiated for a private viewing. Jon was at work so I took him on a tour of the house via FaceTime. The house buying decision was based on how I felt while in the house. Is this somewhere we can make a home? Yes.

We were the top winners of a long and drawn out bidding war (so many SMS bings!) with our ultimate $605 bid (we had to be a Smidgen Upper at the end). With such a narrow margin of victory and the acknowledgement that at any point someone could outbid us, we raced into the realtor's office the next morning and signed the contract. Phew! 

We will officially move into the new house mid-December and instead of opening brightly wrapped Christmas presents, we will be unpacking boxes! 

The new digs

And back

Physical and emotional closure

Ten days ago, we sold our house in Atlanta. Maintaining the house for the past 3.5 years was an expensive and logistical headache. Coordinating home repairs and finding renters while living abroad was a constant burden. Fortunately for us, our current tenants enjoyed the house so much that they emailed us an offer to buy it. Unfortunately for us, negotiating all of the closing processes while living abroad was more challenging than usual. 

To coordinate a timely closing, the US lawyers emailed us the legal documents to print on our side, sign, notarize and ship back. Easy, right? WRONG.

For one thing, US Legal paper, the size of paper required for printing out all of those affidavits and seller's documents, was not available in Sweden. A frantic search of local office supply stores resulted in the realization that I was going to have to be creative. 

Resourcefully, I spied my children's drawing pad of paper - it looked long enough but would it do the trick? I'm not one for DIY but after much measuring and cutting, I finally had 28 sheets of US Legal paper ready for the printer. Since it was much thicker than normal printer paper - as it was intended to absorb markers and crayons, not printer ink - I had to individually feed it each one into the printer, reset the printer settings and hit print - 28 different times. This was extremely time consuming to say the least!

Then came the little issue of finding a notary to witness and notarize our signatures. All of Sweden was on vacation when we did our preliminary search. Luckily for us, the only notary (publicus notarius, FYI) in our county opened the day before we had to ship them back to the US in time for the closing. We have only one day to pull this off. STRESS. Five hundred kronor and an hour later and we were out the door - taking a one and a half hour train ride into the city to FedEx the documents back to the US.

There was a mixup with the FedEx shipping label as Sweden couldn't figure out who to bill. The shipping label was for US shipping but it was coming from Sweden. FedEx did a few head scratches while figuring out their billing procedures so our lovely notarized documents sat in the mailroom for an extra day. Now we are in even more of a TIME CRUNCH than before and everything is out of our control. CUE MORE STRESS.

We tracked the documents and they arrived in Atlanta at 10am local time and the closing occurred at 1pm that day. Being so far out of the picture, nobody remembered to tell us if we had actually sold the house or not. There is always the off-chance that things go wrong at a closing. Jon reached out to the buyers the following day and they informed us that yes, the closing went well and they now owned our house. Done and Done.

All of the stressful parts of selling a house were made that much more cumbersome simply by living abroad. Every aspect of this process required at least two hours of online research and then the calling of various offices to understand the process. We were constantly thinking, "How can we make a Swedish solution fit our American problem?" Apparently the only solution might involve staying up for hours, measuring and trimming 28 sheets of drawing paper both lengthwise and widthwise and trying not to tear your hair out in the process.

In addition to the logistical challenges, I also felt strong emotions about selling our house. We have nothing physically tying us back "home." We have no items in storage - the management company threw away my wedding dress and photo albums so no need to take care of that anymore. Phew. Thanks guys. And now we don't have a house. I know we are saving money and stress and everyone is excited about that but it also means that our Atlanta chapter is closed closed.

Our house was symbolic to me of our old lives. It was our first house, the location of our marriage proposal and where we spent the first nine months of our son's life. While I keep those very happy memories with me, the sale of the house closed off that chapter for us permanently. The cliche loved/hated by expats, "You can't go home again" isn't just for a physical place, it is also for an emotional state of being. For the first time in 3.5 years, I really feel like we are permanently abroad. And as much as I love living abroad, I also loved our lives in the US. It was definitely with a bit of a heavy heart that I mailed those closing documents. 

Part of my sadness stems from the lack of a "proper goodbye." I don't know what one is, but for me, I don't felt like I had one. I didn't have enough farewell dinners or get togethers with friends - there just wasn't enough time. Are there ever "enough" farewell dinners anyway? 

You never know when your time will be the "one last" and you never know who it will be with. During the five weeks we had to prepare for our move to Sweden, we were in such a rush to pack up our lives that I never got to enjoy those "one lasts" in our neighborhood. That one last coffee at our favorite corner cafe. That one last dinner at our favorite restaurant. That one last walk through the park in the springtime. In reality, I did have those "one last" moments except I didn't know it at that time.

Moving abroad has made me find creative solutions to problems I didn't know ever existed - like creating US Legal sized paper in a foreign country - and it has made me appreciate the "one lasts" I will never have again. Sometimes we don't get the emotional closure we are looking for.

Like most things in life, this was bittersweet. A little bit of sadness and a little bit of joy as we let go of the things we no longer own. I'm still making my peace with this and that's OK.

My son thinks I'm a cold-blooded killer

We had a minor incident where my son saw me clap-kill a fruit fly in our kitchen and since that clearly murderous moment, he's been eyeing my behaviors around animals very closely. I've been on my best behavior and have only been killing fruit flies after he goes to bed or is at preschool. As far as he's concerned, it was just an isolated incident for which I have already profusely apologized.

Yesterday, I was helping his sister wash her hands in the sink and Little Buddha (I'm just going to refer to him as that because it's so much more appropriate than his name at the moment) was chatting with me about something - probably Mutant Mania or something. I saw a little gnat lazily wander by the stream of water flowing in the sink and I couldn't help myself. I splashed the gnat and helped the water wash the poor guy down the sink. Was it a heartless act? Probably but I really thought Little Buddha's attention was somewhere else.

Nope.

Little Buddha: Why did you just do that, Mama?!? Why did you get that bug wet? It wasn't hurting anyone! It can't swim in the sink. It's not supposed to be in the sink!

Me: What? Was that a bug? [Incredulous look] I thought that was just a black spot on the sink. I didn't know it was a little bug.

Foolishly I thought I could back out of this with a little fib. Nope.

LB: It wasn't a black spot though, it was a fly. Why did you do that?

Me: I'm sorry, Little Buddha. I didn't realize it was a fly. I won't ever get a fly wet again.

We carry on and unfortunately, my lax attitude towards cleaning is about to bite me in the rumpa. I have been really busy working every day from the minute I drop the kids off at preschool until the second I pick them up. I've been focused on everything else and have totally let housekeeping, laundry, grocery shopping, you name it, slide past me.

There just so happens to be a dead fly in the middle of the hardwood floor of the living room. I swear, it wasn't there earlier! He literally showed up dead on my doorstep. We both discover the carcass at the same time. Little Buddha happens upon the quite large and very much dead house fly and turns on me with so much hurt in his eyes.

LB: YOU KILLED ANOTHER FLY! How could you do this? You made a promise!

Me: Little Buddha! I swear, I did NOT kill that fly. He died completely on his own. He died a perfectly natural death. It was just his time to die.

LB: How did he die then? [indignant stance] I don't see flies just dropping out of the air. Did you do this? [He claps his hands loudly in my usual fruit fly killing manner]

Me: No, I did not clap him.

LB: What about this? [He slaps his palm onto the hardwood floor]. Did you squish him?!

Me: No, I swear. I did not kill that fly.

At this point, Little Buddha is so adamant in his demonstrations of possible fly-killing methods that I'm trying really hard not to laugh. His shrill little boy voice and hand slapping is just too comical. You know when the corners of your mouth are dying to go into FULL SMILE and you have to fight it? It totally makes you look like you're lying. My mouth was betraying my true innocence.

Me: OK, Little Buddha. You were right. I didn't think that fly was a black spot on the sink. I did wash him down and kill him because I thought you weren't watching. I'm sorry for that but I swear - I had nothing to do with this fly's death. I would admit it if I did.

LB: OK. I guess so.

Me: Can we put the fly in the garden? He deserves a burial.

LB: That way he knows where he is?

Me: What do you mean by that? You mean, so he is where he should be?

LB: Yeah. [He cradles the dead fly in his hands, walks it outside and throws it into the garden.] There little fly. Now you know where you are.

These flies need to a) stop being a nuisance and b) stop spontaneously dying on my doorstep and making me look bad.

Embracing fredagsmys

During my intensive Swedish language course, our teacher introduced me to some new aspects of Swedish culture. Some of the cultural nuances of Swedish life are the types of things I probably would learn if I was married to a Swede but since we're all Americans over here, I had to learn these in the classroom.

One Swedish concept that I brought home with me was the concept of fredagsmys. Swedes love to throw two words together, like fredag (Friday) and mys (coziness) to create a new word. It translates into, "Cozy Friday." The concept is that at the end of a busy work week, you just want to relax and unwind. Swedes usually celebrate fredagsmys by buying and eating a ton of chips, candy and other junk food snacks while watching a fun movie with the family. Cell phones, tablets and computers are put away for non-electronic forms of entertainment to unwind and reconnect.

But Lisa, you just said they watch a movie. Aren't movies electronic forms of entertainment? I know, I know but this is how they celebrate it. I don't make the fredagsmys rules.

Having survived numerous cold and dark winters in Sweden, I can attest to how fredagsmys became so popular. The lighting of candles around the house, snuggling into warm blankets and eating a metric ton of chips would make me feel all warm and cozy too.

We are implementing fredagsmys in our house every Friday. This Friday, our fredagsmys activity will be a fun game of Yahtzee with the kids - they love throwing dice everywhere - and eating some frozen pizza because nobody wants to cook. We can be lazy on Fridays! It's fredagsmys time!

What I love about this is that everyone can implement fredagsmys in their homes if they want - living in Sweden or elsewhere. Turn off your cell phone, put away your troubles for the day and cozy up with a good book and some salty snacks.

Happy Friday!

Vad heter du?

"Vad heter du? Vad heter du?" - I was always asked this question, "What's your name?" by a group of children every time I walked past a Swedish preschool/daycare.  I would smile politely at the group of school children pressed against the chain link fence and give them my answer. What they did with that information, I'll never know. In fact, it seemed like something of an icebreaker/greeting that the children inherently knew and I found it endearing.

There is a construction site across from Calvin and Lucy's preschool and there was a construction worker standing there, directing pedestrian traffic as a large truck rumbled by. "Vad heter du?" asked Calvin. The man just smiled and ignored the question as I am sure he is asked it often by all of the children at the school. I think in that moment, it dawned on me that Calvin is a Swedish boy.

I asked Calvin why he asked strangers what their name was and his answer was surprisingly simple (I'm not sure why I expected a complex answer). As if revealing the wonders of the universe, he simply replied, "Because I don't know what their names are." Oh. Of course.

I am still surprised and slightly taken aback when my American child acts like a Swedish child. It catches me off guard when very Swedish sayings come out of his mouth. He even says, "Jaha!" in our English conversations. At times, he'll speak in English with the Swedish sentence structure and we will have to correct him. His brain is thinking in Swedish and English and sometimes the wires cross.

Watching my American child become Swedish, not just speaking Swedish, is such an odd event that I think goes hand in hand with watching him grow up. He's most definitely carving his own path that I never could have predicted for him and it is fascinating, terrifying and gratifying all at the same time.

The more things change, the more things stay the same

It was three years ago that we left the safety and comfort of the familiar and ventured into the unknown, then frozen landscape, that was Sweden. In those three years, this country no longer feels foreign but feels like home. We have explored other countries but return each time to feel at ease in our adopted land. As the newness has worn off over the years, we have slipped comfortably into every day life and admittedly have begun to take things for granted that this situation is our daily reality. It is tough for it not to.

Though much has changed, much remains the same.

Here is what has changed:

• We have an extra family member since we moved here - lovely and sweet Lucy
• Calvin is bilingual and switches seamlessly between both languages without pausing
• We speak English at home but I've found myself slipping more and more into Swedish phrases because "they feel right" - like, "sitta på rumpan, tack" just feels nicer than "sit on your butt, please"
• Every day feels like every day and less like a sparkly new adventure
• We have traveled to many other European countries since moving here. Now we need to explore more of Sweden
• We aren't afraid to ice skate on lakes/the sea anymore
• My default "other" language is Swedish. When traveling to foreign countries, I always respond with "ja, tack" even though I know they don't speak Swedish. To me, non-English=Swedish. 
• Jon took 6 months off work to be a full time dad and he loved every second of it
• I've made friends here and have successfully maintained friendships over time - big win!

Here is what remains the same:

• We still miss our friends and family in the States. The distance is very difficult for us too.
• Bessie still barks at everyone coming and going
• As a family, we are still very happy. We were happy in Atlanta and we are happy here - they are just different lifestyles

I've learned a lot about myself as a person since moving here. Every day, it's just us and that builds a sense of confidence and strength. Jon and I have both grown within our marriage. His parental leave was immensely valuable time with the family and we support each other before in ways I had never thought possible. 

We've also discovered that there is no utopia - no place is perfect and no situation is perfect. Living abroad comes with its fair share of tradeoffs. We don't make any decision without weighing all of the consequences and giving everything careful consideration. Though we haven't fully integrated into Swedish society, we are doing our best. It comes with time and a considerable amount of effort. Integrating while still retaining a sense of self is more difficult than I originally thought.

More and more of our friends are moving abroad and we see that as an inevitable transformation of the American workforce. Companies have global needs and will relocate their talent accordingly. Technology allows us to be ever increasingly mobile and maintain professional and personal relationships. 

Currently, there is a record number of expatriates living abroad. The "Global Expatriates: Size, Segmentation and Forecast for the Worldwide Market" report stated that there are roughly 50.5 million expats worldwide and is expected to reach 56.8 million by 2017. That is 0.7 percent of the total global population and the fastest growing population in the world.

But for us, it is wonderful that more of our friends get to experience the life changes that come after living in a foreign country for an extended period of time. We feel extremely privileged to live this life and I thank Jon every day for being my partner in it all. There isn't anyone I'd rather have by my side.

How an extended parental leave changed our lives

When Jon started his parental leave for 6 months we really had no idea what type of journey this would take us on as parents and as a couple. Would we hate sharing the same living space? Would we judge one another as parents? Would the house be a complete mess all of the time? Long story short, men taking parental leave for an extended period of time changes everything.

1. We've each walked a mile (or two) in each other's shoes

I'm not sure how to emphasize how important this is - we deeply understand each other now. Sure, we've always been aware of the other's daily life but we've never truly gotten it until now - and there is no way to know until you experience it yourself. 

Efficient packing tips for family travel

We have been traveling a lot recently and some people noticed that we travel light and asked us to share our tips. If you are a seasoned traveler, then these aren't really tips for you but rather no-brainers. However if you are undertaking your first trip with little children, some of these might help you reduce your stress a bit.

We generally never pack clothing for more than 5 days and plan on doing laundry along the way. We stay at airbnb apartments that usually have a washer on site and a kitchen. This has transformed our traveling experiences with children. 

We prefer to use backpacks to keep our hands free for wrangling and carrying our children. Roller bags are good but you lose a hand and dragging it through Europe can be extra difficult. They call it, "backpacking through Europe" instead of "roller-bagging through Europe" for a reason. 

Most of my time packing is spent during the pre-packing phase - taking the time to consider the types of events (fancy dinners - haha, these are family packing tips. Nobody's enjoying a fancy dinner for a while), modes of transportation (train, bus, car), city vs country landscape, number of days and the weather for the trip. 

We pack our clothing into our favorite Kelty backpack (large) and our immediate necessities into our medium backpack. We keep bribes/toys in a handy front pocket for the inevitable meltdown after a 17 hour travel day. I prefer the rolling method for packing clothing:

Tips for kids and babies

We also only pack enough diapers and snacks for the travel day and buy diapers and other large liquids (e.g., sunscreen and toothpaste) on site. 

Kids and babies look cute in everything and can get away with wearing the same thing day after day. Most days, my 3 year old demands to wear the same shirt day after day so there isn't a need to pack a gazillion different outfits. 

I wear our 10 mth old in a baby carrier, the Ergo, and she and our 3 year old swap out time in our travel stroller. It folds up easily and is super light. 

If your toddler will wear a backpack, put their light toys and books in that. Time to earn your keep, kid!

Tips for women

Pack colorful scarves to dress up plain tops and/or to cover your shoulders if visiting religious sites or fancy dinners 

Pack tops that can mix and match with all of your bottoms. Steer away from "outfits" that only match each other. Being able to recombine your clothing means you don't need as many separate items. 

Never pack one-off clothing or even worse, clothes you may never wear on your trip. Your goal should be to wear every article of clothing at least once. Space is wasted packing for events that are unlikely to happen. Do you need those bulky rain boots for one day of rain? Probably not. 

Go light on toiletries and makeup. My hair never looks the same as it does at home - the water and humidity are different so I don't worry about hair products. Hotels always provide those little soaps - just use those or pack a small bottle of conditioner. My hair can withstand any shampoo but the right conditioner helps to keep it tamed. 

Tips for men

Your clothes are probably the largest in the group so be strategic in your selections

Mix and match your tops and bottoms 

Pack only one pair of shoes 

General tips 

Wear your largest, bulkiest clothing and shoes on the plane

Baby cribs can be checked for free along with your travel stroller (on Norwegian anyway).  You can stuff some small things into the baby crib bag if you need. 

Print off all tickets, itineraries and receipts before your trip and place them in a folder. I print off our overall itinerary (day by day) and tape it to the front of the folder for easy referencing train coach numbers, seating arrangements, etc. I get very nerdy and label everything with sticky notes that are in chronological order for when we will need them. 

Remember, the less you pack, the less you need to keep track of and repack at the end of your trip. 

I know "pack less" is kind of a flippant tip but it really is an exercise in restraint. I used to pack "something for every occasion" or an extra "just in case" item but found that it was rarely ever used and just took up space. Most airlines charge for checked luggage so traveling lighter saves you money that you'd rather spend on dessert or wine. 

At the end of the day you aren't going to care about what clothes you wore on your trip. However, lugging less stuff means you are physically less tired, resulting in less stress during your travel. It will enable you to enjoy your trip while you are actually on it. 

Now, if only you could pack an extra pair of hands that would be great! Enjoy your trip!

Roman ruins, water fountains and incredible food - Lyon, France is perfect

Ahh, Lyon. Only Lyon.

I sigh every time I think back to our time in Lyon, France and can't help but smile as I reminisce about Calvin exploring the Roman ruins with boundless enthusiasm and squealing with delight as he splashed in the fountains with the other children - all running around in their underwear.

We were fortunate to have the most perfect weather imaginable - around 29C, sunny, no clouds and a light cool breeze. Lyon is one of the few European cities to have 2 rivers surrounding it, La Saône and La Rhône, so it has double the waterfront space, double the number of tree-lined walks and so many gorgeous bridges to cross. At night, the rivers reflect all of the beautiful lights and I wonder why Paris is called the City of Lights when Lyon is just as entitled to it. Lyon also boasts its own, though somewhat smaller, metal (Eiffel-like) tower, that is up next to the Fourviere basilica and is all lit up at night.

We wandered through the old town of Lyon. So charming with it's quaint street, cobble stones and boutique shops. Some might call it a tourist trap but it is so beautiful that you can forgive it a bit and still enjoy your delicious ice cream while watching the street musicians play in the shade, slowly dragging on their lit cigarettes in their mouths. Lyon also boasts a strikingly high number of playgrounds sprinkled throughout the city. We had no issues finding playgrounds for Calvin as it seemed there was one around every corner. There were two large playgrounds (one for older children and one for smaller children) that preceded a string of fountains and wading pools. It felt so warm and welcoming, that we couldn't resist taking off our shoes and wading in. While perhaps very un-French of us to do so, we really didn't care. After a day of lazily wandering the city, we felt so relaxed that standing in the water and letting Calvin splash on a hot day seemed like the best idea of all.

Running through the old town

Lyon is most known for its delicious food and a Lyonnaise special is the quenelle. I can't describe it well and the Wikipedia link doesn't do it justice. Basically it is delicious and worth a try. I had the poultry quenelle and it was so rich and creamy. Lyon specializes in offal (organ meats) and while I was a bit put off, Jon was brave and tried and LOVED pressed pig's head tureen (head cheese). If you are going to ever try it, Lyon is the place to do so.

The Roman theatre that sits atop Fourviere is also a must-see if you are in Lyon. Anytime I see Roman ruins, my mind is just completely blown by the mastery of their construction. The site is still used for cultural events and the stage crew was working busily while we were there, adjusting the lighting and stage platforms for an upcoming performance.

Only a 2 hour train ride away from Paris, I would return to Lyon in a heartbeat to spend more time. The weather was consistently beautiful for our entire stay, the people were extremely friendly and helpful and it was the perfect place to roam for a family with young children.

Happy to take part in:

Fjording in Bergen, Norway

Bergen, Norway is known for being extremely beautiful, extremely rainy and extremely expensive. Somehow, we didn't let reasons 2 and 3 scare us off from experiencing Bergen's natural beauty and we booked a quick (4 day) trip with the plan to picnic our way through Bergen to save some pennies.

Bergen is right on the water and for the weekend we were there,  its harbor held beautiful tall ships in addition to some old WWII ships. Calvin felt like a salty sea captain when he was allowed to man the wheel and "steer" the docked ship in the high seas.

Though we didn't have much time, we managed to squeezed it all in - a trip to beautiful Flåm on the Flåmsbanan, 5 hour fjording boat ride, the touristy fish market, funicular to a spectacular view of Bergen, a troll forest and a few requisite playground stops. We were very fortunate and managed to have 3 sunny days out of 4 - quite remarkable, actually. There is a joke that it rains 275 days a year in Bergen. The locals don't laugh but they make a ton of money selling ponchos to the tourists.

If you want any tips on how to do the Bergen-Flåm-Bergen trip, let me know. There are about a gazillion different ways and TripAdvisor reviews were only partially helpful and mostly confusing.

In short, Bergen is extremely kid friendly (though the cobblestones were rough on the stroller) and can be done on a budget (kind of) if you buy local groceries and bring your own picnics everywhere. It is a small enough place to explore in a few days and is well worth the natural beauty - just don't forget your umbrella. We rented an Airbnb apartment which was very centrally located and on one of the stops of a walking tour. It doesn't get much better than that!

We happened to be on the Flåmsbanan at the same time as the professional photographers who were updating their new catalog. They took a picture of me and the children sitting on the bench under the Flåm sign so we may be the new poster family for Flåm in 2015!

The fjords we saw during our 5 hour boat ride back to Bergen were absolutely breathtaking. I love being on the water and there is no feeling like the wind rushing through your hair, sun on your face and breathing the cleanest air Norway has to offer while looking out onto the bluest sky and water. If we had more time, we could've explored a World Heritage Site fjord Nærøfjord but our boat only drove past the opening. I managed to get a picture of it (see below) and it is probably as close as we will ever get. In short, Norway is majestic, impressive and breathtaking.

The true cost of potty training

If you've already done potty training then you know what is involved but it seems like nobody will tell you these things.  It's a horror show. In fact, it is so painful that it has inspired me to try to get Lucy on one of the gazillion potties we have lying around the house just in an effort to reduce this pain in a few more years.

1. You need to buy at least 3 different kinds of potty (maybe more if you have multiple bathrooms in your house) and they are all way more money than you want to spend. For some reason, Sweden's cheapest potty starts at $46. Total for the 3 various potties we own, $150 and NONE of them even flush!
1. A potty that fits on the big toilet with a stool for climbing up
2. A small potty that sits on the floor that they can get to on their own
3. A travel potty 
2. Incentives, bribes, whatever - don't skimp - you need them. Calvin needed BIG rewards - Disney Planes characters. Find the motivation and buy it in bulk. Stock up on stickers too.
1. 3 Disney Planes/Rewards, stickers, bubbles, etc - $60
3. 20 sets of underwear. It's gonna get messy - $75
4. Extra laundry soap - $25
5. Patience, love and compassion - priceless

Total damage: ~ $310

If you buy one of those gimmicky, "Potty train your child in 1-3 days" books or online resources, that's another $40 or so. They prey on desperate parents who will sell their souls to end the horror show and $40 seems like a really good deal but don't do it! There are free guides everywhere and believe me, nobody can guarantee you anything. It just takes time. Good luck!

Getting into the swing of things...maybe?

Lucy is now 6 months old and I'm finally, finally, finally, starting to feel like we have a somewhat predictable rhythm. How come nobody told me that it would take 6 months to adjust to having 2 kids? Where was the warning? Come on, experienced moms, give a lady a heads up or something!

Within those 6 months, Jon was gone for a full 13 days and I was on my own - juggling both kids solo. It was actually quite nice, believe it or not. It turns out that I mostly do all of it on my own anyway as Jon gets home after their bedtime. There was also less laundry to do since I didn't really change my outfits all that often and there wasn't another adult generating a mess (or expecting a real meal).

Some things I learned while on my own:

• Nobody judges you for eating a dinner of chicken nuggets and french fries - seriously, why make 2 separate dinners?
• You can go to bed at 8:30pm or as soon as the kids are down
• Going to the bathroom with the door open is a requirement
• You really can balance two kids on your lap in the rocking chair

The only thing I really missed was a truly reciprocal adult conversation in the evenings and an extra hand in the mornings. Calvin is famous for leaving my questions unanswered or if he does respond, it is often nonsensical or just "good" to every question.

Me: Calvin, are you hungry?
Calvin: Good
Me: Do you want a peanut butter sandwich?
Calvin: Good

I only ran into a few snags where I seriously wish I could clone myself. For instance, Lucy would be nursing herself back down to sleep around 5:30am and I would hear Calvin shouting, "Mama, can you hear me? Mama, can you HEAR ME?!?" with increasing intensity and volume. This happened almost every morning. So, I'd get Lucy back asleep and slowly sneak out of bed to go in and cuddle Calvin for another hour.

Before Jon left, he hypothesized that I would finish the wine we had in the fridge. Uhh, I didn't need to touch the stuff but I did drink ALL of the COFFEE. I drank a coffee press pot (4 cups) a day and zero glasses of wine. No bedtime was "too early" for me and I frequently crashed out at 9pm.

In honor of all of the single moms and married moms with partners who travel, I raise my 3x reheated mug of coffee to you in honor of your hard work. It's not easy doing it solo but you do get 100% of the cuddles in return.

An Extremely Difficult Task: Letting Go

We all have something we should let go of, don't we? Some thing or activity that just adds one extra thing to our plate. It could be letting go of the clutter, the waste, the schtuff. Whatever it is, it has this death grip on you and you just can't...let...go. It causes undue stress in the background of your life and you don't even realize how much it weighs you down until you release it and feel yourself immensely relieved.

I let something go yesterday. Even though it wasn't huge, it had reduced me to a scary mascara teary mess at 9pm last night. It was a work project that had been requiring 2+ hours of my time everyday for the past 6 weeks. I rejoined the project when Lucy was 3 months old after returning from my maternity leave thinking I could balance it all.

I CAN DO IT ALL! I AM WONDER WOMAN! And I did do it all at first, but then work was really starting to impact my quality time with Lucy. I am a Mom who Works from Home and I put those words in that order specifically. I am not a Working at Home Mother (mother being last). My children come before my work. That was a decision I made back in October 2011 when we decided to move to Sweden to accomplish just this.

I don't like not being focused on my work or my children and I felt as if I couldn't focus on either. If I'm in my kids' world, I want to play with them and breathe them in. They change so quickly that it's impossible to hold onto anything they do for very long.

At work I want to be a professional and provide high quality work - which I felt was suffering greatly due to my divided and diluted attention. So I didn't quit my job entirely, but I removed an unnecessary chunk off my plate. I let it go. I allowed myself to admit that not being a part of this phase of this particular project wasn't the end of the world. I don't have to do it ALL. Life was getting too hectic. I needed to simplify. 

Letting go was difficult for me because I had to admit that I was afraid of not being included and not being relevant to the team. I felt I had to prove my value and my worth immediately upon returning from maternity leave. But it wasn't the right move at the right time. I was the square peg jamming myself into the round hole and it just wasn't working.

After conversations with my colleagues and my boss, they were all extremely supportive and understanding. It made me wonder why I hadn't come to this realization sooner. Why was I willingly allowing myself to become so stressed by this?

The answer: I feel privileged to be able to work from home and had accepted that I have to work long hours at night to compensate for such flexibility. I was thinking, "Well, at least I get to see her during the day," instead of, "This really isn't what I want for my life right now. This isn't working."

I'm not perfect and I'm open to self-improvement. I will take this as a lesson learned to evaluate my work-life balance regularly and make decisions based on reality instead of some made-up compromise that I MUST endure. I know that I will continue to struggle with letting go but I'm on my way towards making better decisions with my family in mind.

Basically, more of this: