Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Ain't no party like a crawfish party

“Lis, when this is done, I’ll officially be a swede.  And have proven myself a man. But you better step away.  When this gets opened, the smell could induce labor” [EDITOR NOTE - THIS ALL OCCURRED AND WAS WRITTEN IN SEPTEMBER, PRE-LUCY]



In Atlanta, the fall was all about festivals – whether they were food fests, art fests, or wine/beer fests, every weekend could be spent celebrating something.  Here it’s different.  They still have seasonal parties most weekends, but they are more informal neighborhood affairs – usually involving seafood and schnapps. Lots and lots of schnapps. 

Our first party this year was a neighborhood Swedish crawfish fest.  We had heard about this for a long time now, but last year the plans just never came together.  Our new neighborhood gets together every year for one  though, so we were excited to be a part of it.  When the invitation first got put in our mailbox, we weren’t sure the details.  Do we give money to someone to get the supplies?  Who has a pot big enough for the whole neighborhood? Then we found out that it was more of a potluck style – everyone gets their own food ready at home, and shows up with their dinner and just eat together.  We knew that Swedish crawfish would be a little different than what we were used to – instead of Cajun seasoning, they would use dill (obviously), and instead of being a one-pot dish, they would be cold (weird).  They are also served with cheese pie, boiled potatoes, and bread.   That sounded like a good plan, but we wanted to play up our American-ness a bit so we reached out to some of our N’awlins family and friends for recipe recommendations. 

Day of the party, we looked outside and the neighbors had set up a HUGE tent with 3-4 tables underneath.  Maybe 20+ people all together. We were the last ones ready, so we showed up with a huge steaming bowl overflowing with corn, potatoes, Andouille, and crawfish. Lis also made a batch of her (now) world famous Cajun cornbread.  Everything was FANTASTIC.  Neighbors kept walking by asking to trade for some of our crawfish – which we were happy to do.  The cornbread was easily the biggest hit of the night, everyone loved it. Every few minutes, people would take a break from cold dill crawfish to sing a song and have a group schnapps.  Good times all around. 

Once dinner was over, Lis took Calvin inside to get him ready for bed.  One of our friends asked if I needed to head in as well – Lis could kind of see where the night was going and said it was probably best if I hung out as long as possible.  So now my job was to make friends, and make friends the only way I know how – through large quantities of booze.

Once the sun went down  and the crawfish were put away, the schnapps and beers managed to stay on the table.    A lot of the adults were still out, and kids were out until way past midnight.  This fact (and that the folks not outside were probably sleeping) did NOT deter the party from quickly turning into a discussion on the finer points of Scandinavian death metal.  After a few more hours of “networking” and being told that I “was not made of sugar, thatj’s for damn sure” (I think that was a compliment), I decided to go to bed on the couch downstairs because calvin was waking up very, very shortly.

One thing I had FORGOTTEN about evidently was that at some point that night we had agreed and set a date for me to become fully Swedish.  Not only did we set a date, but we put it into our phones.

I only remembered this two weeks later. 



(Part II – Surstromming coming soon!)

Handbollen!



Every Tuesday night now, I imagine myself as Yao Ming, Ichiro or one of the baseball players from Latin America that barely speaks any English.  I’ve read about these players for years, how the teams bring in translators for them, but that they basically go through practice without every REALLY knowing what the coach is yelling about, or what their teammates are saying.  They just go out and do their jobs, knowing that they’ve played long enough and are talented enough to figure out what is needed.

So I guess that is where my imagination gets a little ahead of me.  Because I’ve never actually played Handbollen before…nor ever seen a full game…and my teammates have played since they were 9.

So for 8 to 10 years.

This began when my neighbor last year asked me to play in the local “innebandy” (floor hockey)  pickup game held at the school gym 10 feet from our house.  We would get together once a week (if we had enough players), show up, run around and be out of there within an hour.  In the winter when you don’t really want to exercise outside at all, this was HUGE.  I really enjoyed playing and it was fun, casual atmosphere.  Most of the guys were a few years older than me, so I could out-hustle them to make up for my lack of hockey skills. And they didn’t mind when I missed the ball completely on my slapshot, because they know I was just learning.

When we moved out to Åkersberga, I wanted to find something similar. But for some reason, all I found were “official” clubs.   I emailed the innebandy league, the handball league and the basketball league.  I found nothing that was “casual” enough for me.  Eventually, my coworker called and used some magic Swedish words and told me that the Handball club would practice on Tuesday night – 8pm. He also said that it wasn’t a pick-up league – that it was Division 4.  I had no idea what that meant, and I’ve never played handball, but Sweden is one of the best in the world at it, and so it was shown on the Olympics a lot last year.  I remembered a little of the game, so obviously I would be a natural at this one.

As I said, last year it was just 6-8 middle-aged guys showing up and playing hockey.  When I showed up for my first practice, there was a coach and 12 guys already stretching and jogging.  The first practice started off with about 10 minutes of running, then another 10 minutes of focused running, with a final 10 minutes of really fast running.  All directed by a coach’s whistle.  Not exactly the informal thing I was thinking. 

We then switched to drills.  Which were all in Swedish.  The coach gave a 5 minute explanation of what we were all supposed to do, then looked at me and kind of shrugged.  I agreed that no explanation was necessary and jumped to the back of the line – I would be able to figure it out by following everyone else.
Some of the other weird parts of that first practice were that they use sticky wax on their hands.  There is a big vat of pine tar type stuff that you dip a few fingers into to get a better grip on the ball.  That DOES NOT come off and I almost had to sleep in my contacts that night for fear of poisoning my eyes.  As opposed to innebandy, I was not the on the faster side of the age curve here – I made the horrible mistake of asking one of the guys how old everyone was – he let me know that he was 19, the guy on my left was 17 but that some of the guys were probably in their mid-20’s. And they were all fast and in shape. Also, practice was not the 60 minutes in and out that I was used to, this went a full 90, with the last 15 spent doing more running. 
The guys were all nice – definitely (most likely) all younger than me, and spoke Swedish 100% of the time, but this was good.  It was actually one of the few times since we’ve been out here that people don’t switch to English automatically.  I might actually get a chance to learn Swedish from them.

We’ve had a few practices now and my learning curve is moving in the right direction – I’ve almost gotten close to not taking anything OFF the table.  Another few weeks and maybe I’ll actually add something, but we’ll see. So far I  would not be recruited to the national team yet, but well on my way. 

We have had two games so far – and because they are Division IV, they are actually against other cities.  So weird.  Last week was a home game, and I was ready to show Lisa and Calvin how handbollen was played!  I had prepped lisa that I would like just be sitting on the bench for the game as I had just figured out how to run and catch the ball.  We get there and I realize that everyone else has official jerseys…when I ask the coach he says that they only have 10 spots on the whole team, so it might be best if I watch this one from the stands.  A little embarrassing probably, but it was good to actually see an actual handball game.  And I could tell Lis and Calvin what was going on ( a little bit at least).  It was also the first time I’d seen Åkersberga play against other teams.  The first game we saw was the 15 yr old girl game.  These girls were possibly the most ruthlessly efficient team I have ever seen in any sport ever. EVER.  They were a combination of rick pitino-style full court press with oregon’s no huddle offense.  They literally made girls on the other team cry.  Watching them, I was pretty sure I would have been further down on their depth chart than the team I was playing with.  I asked one fo the guys and evidently this team is one of the best in the country.  Then we watched our game get started – and I felt a lot better about myself.  The other team were more what I was expecting, older, a little out of shape, just having fun.  I definitely could have played with those guys no problem.  Needless to say, our team KILLED them.  They were doing no-look passes, fast breaking constantly and just overall playing a class above.  That’s when I realized that I hadn’t just decided to walk on to a regular handball team – I’d basically walked on to the Alabama crimson tide of Swedish division 4 handball. 

So now my goal is to keep playing, reduce the mistakes, and start to get a better feel for the flow of the game.  I’m still convinced that I’m going to be a stud at this game, it might just take a few more months and bruises than I had anticipated.  Maybe a better goal would be to suit up for one game this season….


(UPDATE – I WROTE THIS THE DAY BEFORE LUCY WAS BORN.  I HAVEN’T BEEN BACK SINCE…SO TBD I GUESS)

Monday, October 28, 2013

Just when I thought you couldn't possibly be any dumber…



I never expected to be thinking about Jim Carrey’s Dumb and Dumber character as I wizzed around semi’s in rural Sweden during a torrential downpour and 5 hours after the sun went down, but it happens.  And it’s a small miracle that I have the most patient wife, mother and children in the world who decided not to strangle me when we figured out what had gone wrong.

I’m sure that we will have another post about this weekend sometime soon, explaining how we ended up on a really fun weekend getaway to Småland (southern Sweden) with both kids, Lisa and my mom who had come in town earlier in the week.  But until that part gets posted, showing pictures from the Crystal factory, the moose park and the Baltic / renaissance castle, I figured it was best to get this part out in the open.
Traditional swedish McD's before our road trip - look at those smiles!

We had planned on wrapping up our mini-trip right after lunch, driving the 5+hrs back to northern Stockholm and being home in time for Calvin’s bedtime and some Patriots football.  All was going well as we started driving north on E22 around 1:30pm.  Lucy was asleep, Lisa was reading some stories to Calvin and Grandma was checking out the Swedish countryside.  The route back from Kalmar was taking us through some nice rural areas on smaller roads with some really pretty forest/farm views, and everyone was doing great. 

About 2+hrs in, I start thinking about filling up the gas tank, while Lisa is thinking about how Lucy has been filling up her diaper.  Calvin had just fallen asleep, so we decided to stop when we got to the city of Norrkoping an hour away.  That would give him time to get a little nap, while still being within the window for diaper changes / gas top off.  It was also the only “turn” on the map as we went from E22 to E4 on into Stockholm.  As we get closer to our pit stop, the sun is starting to disappear and the rain clouds gather above us.  To make the turn onto E4, we have to cycle through 1-2 rotaries, and then pull up at an exit to take care of our business.  We move quickly and get back onto E4 before Calvin has woken up – this has been a perfect stop.  And only two more hours to go!

The next part of the trip goes great – we are laughing and chatting, passing bags of chips and drinks around overall having a blast.  Calvin is still asleep – which is great because he has a tendency to get car sick, so the longer he can sleep the better.  With about an hour to go, he wakes up, looks around to realize he is STILL in the car and says that he doesn’t feel great.  We quickly pull over to let him get some fresh air while we explain to him that the sooner we get in the car, the sooner we’ll be home – we are SO close now. 

Then we hit the road, except that the signs to the highway are wrong.  Not sure how it happened, but the sign to Stockholm seemed like it was taking us the OPPOSITE way that we had been going previously.  
We probably had gotten turned around at the gas station after one too many rotaries, but just to be sure, Lisa checked her phone – “weird, my phone’s GPS is all whacky.  This says we have another 3hrs to drive!”
At this point, I was starting to realize that it was a mighty strange coincidence that BOTH the Swedish signs would be wrong AND Lisa’s phone would be off, so I pulled over to the next rest stop.  With bated breath  I checked my phone and realized that, rather than

Instead of being HERE….


We were HERE…


I felt ill

No idea* how we had ended up going the wrong way on the highway – FOR OVER AN HOUR, but there we were.  In Jonkoping.  3 MORE HOURS away from home.  In the pitch black.  In a torrential downpour.  With a toddler who had been perfect, but was now embarked on a 8hr road trip and was prone to car sickness.  With a baby who hadn’t been cuddled all day (due to the car seat) after not having been put down for the previous three weeks of her life. 

(*explanations I came up with over the next three hours - no direction signs on the highways (i.e. no North, South, East or West), not driving often so having no idea of the major cities and their geographies, blaming rain/darkness....so nothing great.  we are open to suggestions)

Luckily, as I said, everyone was really great about it.  When Grandma and Lisa went for a “we have 3 more hours in the car” bathroom trip, I had a heart to heart with Calvin and Lucy, and they took it well. Then we got going and Lis gave me a shoulder rub while mom worked on keeping everything in perspective.
So we drove, and drove and drove.  Calvin slept for a little bit more.  Then got sick a bit, but at that point it was just icing on the cake.  The good thing about all the signage being in kilometers, is that they drop a lot faster than miles, so you really felt like you were making progress.



I don’t know if it was my fiery internal rage-driven tunnel vision, the redbull I chugged, or the great company, but we made it home much quicker than I would have expected.  I’m not sure how Lisa was able to juggle both kids on the backseat for 8 HOURS, but she did fantastic.  And we did it all without anyone raising their voice once!



I’m not positive, but I think this might be even more impressive than delivering Lucy on the hallway floor….

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

An Accidental Homebirthing Experience - Lucy's story



"You know... not everything we do needs to be extraordinary..." Jonathan said this to me as he was loading me into the back of the ambulance outside of our house while I held our newly born daughter in my arms.

We never intended on having a home birth.  Our plan was always to head into the hospital as soon as my contractions were 5 minutes apart, lasting for 1 minute, for 1 hour (basically the 5-1-1 rule).  There are people who do plan on birthing at home and they have a midwife on call and a general plan for emergency back ups in case something goes wrong.  Some women seek out home births because they feel more comfortable in their familiar surroundings or because they want more control over the environment.  There are the rare occasions we all hear about where a woman doesn't make it to the hospital in time and has to give birth in the back of the car on the highway or in the back of an ambulance.  For most people, this is a "worst case scenario" and it freaks people out. Rightly so.  Not being in control of your situation can be a scary thing and most people have zero experience delivering babies.  Shockingly,  WE ended up being one of those families who didn't make it to the hospital, or even out our front door, because we underestimated well...everything.

Monday, October 7, 2013

A Father's Guide to Accidental Home Births - A Three Step Plan



After the crazy events of the past weekend, I realized that it would have really helped me to have read a guide on a father’s perspective during an accidental homebirth.  So, knowing I would feel guilty if anyone else ended up in the same predicament without me passing along my new knowledge, below are my simple steps to a perfect home birth -

1)      Let the mother do 99.99999999% of it with you having a supporting role at best (Lis nailed this part obviously)


2)      CATCH THE BABY

Do This


Not This

3)      Hand the baby back to it’s mother and now RUN. Run around in a panic like a maniac.  Call 911 (or 112 depending on your locale). Run upstairs, run downstairs, offer the mother bandaids and stuffed animals.  Run outside to look for the ambulance.  Run back inside without finding it.  Run upstairs again.  Take the dog outside to a neighbor’s – get distracted because you think you hear an ambulance and run back with the dog.  Check on the baby and mother.  Run back outside to actually drop the dog off.  Lose your shoes on the run back into the house. Meet the EMT’s and jump into the ambulance and ride off with your baby!

Mr. Midwife over here cutting the cord (now that that EMT's arrived)

Lis did a FANTASTIC job for that 99.99999999%


Congratulations dads– you’ve nailed it and now you can also begin to bask in all the glory. 

It's official - I was the named midwife / doctor  who delivered Lucy!



(ps - also, feel free to start believing you are now a doctor / midwife and bragging incessantly.)