Not a happy camper...2 year olds do not take kindly to sleep deprivation

Jon took me to Bavaria (blog still in draft) for my 30th birthday and we had the most amazing time so I wanted to give him his "dream" trip of family time in nature for his birthday.  Jon and Calvin are going to be in the US during his actual birthday, so I wanted to give him a nice trip while the weather was still warm.  My family used to go camping in Maine every year so I have really wonderful memories of it as a kid and wanted to share that tradition with Jon. He has recently fallen in love with nature, so I thought there would be no better birthday activity than to spend a beautiful Swedish summer weekend camping in the woods by a lake.

I started doing some research on all of the gear and ordered a tent, sleeping bags, camping stove, and two folding camp chairs.  With all of the gear secured, camping menu planned and a camping resort reserved, we were headed out in a rental car to explore Sweden!

We headed up to Falun, Sweden - home to the UNESCO World Heritage Site copper mine - for some scenic camping.  It was predicted to be a beautiful weekend and the weather was surprisingly hot - 84F and a lot of sun.  The night temperatures would be a comfortable 60F, so we all packed long sleeve clothing as tents don't provide too much protection from the temperatures.  All of our sleeping bags were rated to 0C, so I thought we would be ok.

A few things worked against us:

• The camping resort was really designed for RVs, not tents, so we were assigned a gravel pit site. Not comfortable when you are sleeping on the ground.

• We don't own a car, so we couldn't scout out camping locations beforehand. I had to rely on websites only and all campsites look a little suspect on the internet.  It's impossible to get a feel for the location or the people who camp at those campgrounds without sketching it out first.
• We had been packing and moving the entire 4 days prior to this trip so none of us had gotten a good night's sleep in a week or so.  We rescheduled this camping trip at the last minute to take advantage of Jon's vacation time that he had already set aside for the move.
• We couldn't do a test run of any of our camping gear because we were packing for our move.

Given all of that background, looking back on it, it was clear that we did not set up Calvin for a successful trip.  Though he is a good natured kid, he needs his 12-13 hours of sleep each night and a 3 hour nap each day.  Without sleep, his good naturedness breaks down quickly and you can just see him fall apart at the seams.  Essentially Calvin could NOT sleep in an environment with which he was unfamiliar, so resultantly, none of us slept.  It was also really hot when Calvin "went to bed" and really cold when he woke up.  He was shivering, crying and also refusing to get dressed into warmer clothes.  I'm sure it made sense to him at the time.

We may have gotten 2 collective hours of sleep between midnight and 4am, which needless to say, is not enough to have a happy family.  The campground was noisy and our fellow campers/RV'ers were super close to our tent so I felt really self conscious of Calvin's cries throughout the night.  Also, as soon as Calvin settled down (because the campground was quiet), Bessie started barking at every little noise.  In short, it was a disaster.

Calvin was wide awake at 4am (and upset), so we got up and took advantage of the pre-dawn quietness to take in the scenery that we had missed the day before.  The lake was serene and peaceful and we actually enjoyed feeding the ducks Calvin's Cheerios and watching the sun rise while the moon was still visible.  The lake was glass and reflected the trees beautifully.

Jon took Calvin to the playground by the lake and I decided to pack up the tent and break down everything before they returned.  Jon said the happiest moment of the whole trip was when he returned from their walk to find the tent broken down and packed in the car.  Happy birthday to YOU Jonathan.

By no means was the entire trip a disaster as we learned some very valuable lessons. 

1. Even the best behaved toddlers refuse to sleep despite being completely exhausted.
2. Setting up a tent for the first time is difficult while a 2 year old is screaming at you to read him another story.
3. RV electricity does not equal electricity you can use to charge your cell phones (which both died within 3 hours upon our arrival).
4. Breaking down a tent is really noisy at 5am but you are never going to see those people again, so whatever. Do what you need to do.
5. Cutting your losses early on is better than being stubborn and miserable without sleep for 72 hours.  
6. If your kid is unhappy, nobody is happy.
7. There really is no replacement for a good night's sleep.

                          

Jon repeatedly told me that he had a good time despite the fact that things didn't go exactly according to plan.  We were able to explore a new beautiful part of Sweden, build some family memories, take amazing pictures and spend time with one another.   You can't ask for much more than that.  Also, if Calvin hadn't woken us up at 4am, we would've missed the most beautiful sunrise over the lake. Some things are worth waking up early for and we were the only people around to watch it happen.  Fortunately Calvin won't remember these initial flubs we make as parents and by the time he remembers camping, we will be seasoned pros and things will run smoothly (fingers crossed!).

So, our tent and sleeping bags are safely stored away until the next trip.  We will try this again after Calvin can sleep comfortably on a cot or whenever we gain enough courage to venture back into the wilderness. All in all, we ended up with the most beautiful pictures and a few good memories.  

Stockholm's Bus Strike - Summer 2013

We were sad to see our beloved ancient Lidingö tram close down for renovations last week, but the city promised a replacement bus line that would run more frequently with hopes of being even more efficient than the tram.

However...what we didn't count on, was a bus strike to occur at the same time as the tram closing for renovations.  That means there actually is NO replacement bus, because there are no buses running throughout the city.  Last Friday was a holiday and many people were off at their summer homes, so clearly no resolutions have been made over the weekend.

Jon woke up to check the www.sl.se website and found this nice message, which he copied/pasted to his manager.

Continued strike on bus services on MondayJune 23

No changes have occurred during midsummer.Municipal union strike by bus drivers continues. The buses will then also on Monday to be completely set on many routes in Stockholm, Solna, Sundbyberg, Sollentuna and Södertälje and replacement services on Lidingöbanan and Saltsjöbanan (Neglinge-Saltsjöbaden).

We do not know how long the strike will last. Follow developments in the media and here on sl.se.

Travel Guarantee does not apply to strike.

Many bus services suspended due to strike action. 

It'll be a work-from-home situation until the bus strike is resolved.  We simply cannot walk to the nearest T-bana station (it would take 2 hours) and consequently, cannot leave Lidingö for social meet ups, lunches, dinners and of course, work.  Not sure how this will affect Calvin's daycare as many of his teachers used the tram to get to work, but we could all be house-bound for a while. 

We certainly aren't the only ones affected by this strike. Hundreds of thousands of folks in Stockholm rely on public transportation as their only means of transportation. Figure it out folks and get those buses moving again!

Parental Leave in Sweden -- how it works

When we first moved to Sweden, we discovered that we qualified for government paid parental leave since Calvin had not yet turned 8 years old.  Jon took 6 weeks off and loved every minute of it.  You can read about the time he took here.

In comparison to US unpaid maternity leave (most dads never take any leave whatsoever), we view Sweden's policy as extremely generous.

Side note: only 3 countries in the world offer 12 weeks of unpaid leave

• United States
• Swaziland
• Lesotho

Swedes are very good at taking advantage of the system and some families can leverage the timing of the births of their children to take up to 3-5 consecutive years off from work, all paid.  

All of these numbers are going to get confusing and fortunately, Forsakringskassan.se provides you an easy calculator where you can put in your salary, time off and it'll automatically calculate all of the benefits for which you qualify.  All of this information, filling out forms to apply for parental leave is available here http://www.forsakringskassan.se/.

Breakdown of the Swedish parental leave

• 480 days to split between the two parents (no need to be married, just biological or adoptive parents)
• Dads get 10 days of "free" parental leave when the baby is born -- must be used within 60 days after baby arrives home from the hospital
• Equality bonus if you split the time down the middle of an extra tax-free $240/month
• The "minority" parent (generally the dads) must use at least 60 days before the child turns 8 years old
• Many Swedish companies "top up" base government pay up to 90% of your salary for x months (generally 6 months) if used before the child turns 1.5 years old
• You can choose to get paid 1 day/week, 2 days/week...7 days/week.
• You also get Barnbidrag - a child allowance of 1050 SEK/month ($164/month)

How to maximize your time off

• Since you are paid on a daily basis, holidays do not count towards your parental leave. They are holidays and those days add up...
• The less days you get paid each week, the longer you stretch out your time
• So, if you take 1 month of time and choose to get paid 3 days/week, this turns into 1 month  and 16 days of time off from work. Multiply that by 6 months of leave and you have effectively transformed your 6 months of leave into 9 months off of work! Well done!  You have to be good at budgeting your funds, but if you have a working partner, you can scrimp and save and enjoy that time off with your baby (now toddler).
• Take your time off when your employer "tops up" -- that means before your kid turns 18 months old. 
• Save some days and add them to your 33 days of vacation each year.  This is how many Swedes take 1-2 months off each year without batting an eye.

How all of this affects us

• I work on a contract for a US company so I qualify for absolutely no US maternity leave but I DO qualify for the base pay of Swedish parental leave.  I'll take that $15/day thank you very much!
• My US income goes straight to our US bank account to fund our mortgage, HOA fees, and student loans. My income is necessary and I can't go unpaid for too long.
• Fortunately I work from home, so it should still be a low-stress work environment for me. No need for a nanny or a commute to daycare this time around.
• Jon's company will top up for 6 months and I can donate all but 60 days of my time to him (I'll be the minority parent in this situation).  Since he has heavily taxed Swedish income, we will be getting the most bang for our buck by leveraging the government-paid leave (80% of his salary up to a maxed out cap) for 180 days.
• Kids in Sweden don't start daycare until they are 12-18 months old, so I really do need Jon on hand to take care of Baby #2.  I plan on taking off 3 months of unpaid leave but our US bank account can't float for too long. 

I may have missed some details and my Swedish friends can enlighten us further on how to best leverage this unique opportunity.  Jon is going to take as much time as possible because let's face it, when will we ever be in this position again?  If he didn't take time, that would be a disservice to our children.  What is better for our kids than to have both parents at home, on hand to dote, play and laugh with them?  Also, Jon gets to try out the open preschools and learn all of those Swedish nursery rhymes.  I'm excited for him to experience a bit of what I first went through with Calvin when we first moved here.

My only concern is that Jon will love his parental leave too much and convince me to keep expanding our family beyond our original plan of 2 kids. One at a time...one at a time.  But I can't blame him - who wouldn't want endless time with your baby?  

Calvin at 5 weeks

If you're not here, you're not anywhere

For my 30th birthday, my mom bought me the book, "The Happiness Project" and there was the quote in one of the chapters,

"If you're not here, you're not anywhere"

It was one of the author's daily reminders to herself to stay in the present moment.  There are so many times when I see parents out with their children but they are checking their cell phones and completely ignoring their kids.  One woman was so absentminded that she pushed the empty swing next to her while her daughter sat still in her own swing - for about 20 minutes.  Really? Really!? Come on now!  

I admit that I am also guilty of mentally checking out sometimes because let's face it, I just don't want to play in the puddles like Calvin does.  But those times when we "check out" from our kids or from anything we are doing, means that we aren't in the present moment and it's a waste of time.  And every time I really engage with what Calvin is doing, we all enjoy ourselves so much more.

Today, I was doing work and I started listening to a summertime country playlist on Spotify.  I instantly became homesick for the relaxed ways of the south.  The carefreeness of being able to hop in a pick up truck, head to the river and just be carefree on a lazy Sunday.  It's everything I want for my children -- that freedom and ability to let their minds and hearts wander without expectation and to LIVE for the hot summer time.  But I don't live in the south anymore and feeling sad about it means that I'm not appreciating where I DO live and everything it has to offer.  Different doesn't mean better or worse - it's just different.  And I was violating my "be present" rule -- I was wishing I was somewhere other than where I was.

Calvin and I spent a few hours in the sun playing in the outdoor pool down the road.  He ran through the grass, laughing and playing with this boats.  I'd say he was pretty carefree in that moment, but was I? Where was my head?  Why was I wasting these moments with my son when they are already so fleeting.  

It's human nature and it'll happen again, but the above saying will be my attempt to keep myself on track.  I'm going to put down my phone more and only check my emails once we are having "down time."  And I'll even try to enjoy the puddles like Calvin does.  

Looking for animals in the clouds

Will we get lucky a second time?

Calvin is remarkably easy.  He was an easy pregnancy, an easy newborn, and a super easy toddler.  We had no idea what we were in store for and it turns out that he is pretty wonderful 98% of the time. Case in point: today I asked him if he wanted lunch and he said, "no -- nap with binks."  As usual, I reiterated what he said to be sure we were on the same page, "You just want to take a nap with your binks?" To which he replied, "Yeah! Hurray!" and crawled backwards down the stairs, jumped into his crib and grabbed his pacifier.  That was it - nap time is the best time.  He asked and then celebrated when he got to take a nap.  Who does that?  You really can't ask for much more than that.

It's only when I hear about other mom's children's tantrums that I discover that Calvin's "tantrums" are really just minor disputes in our house. Nothing is ever broken or destroyed and the tears abate after a few minutes and a hug from Momma or Daddy.  We keep waiting for the other shoe to drop and for him to hit his "nightmare phase" but so far, we've been lucky.  (I'm currently knocking on wood and have my fingers and toes crossed because I REALLY don't want to jinx anything).

So...the real nail-biting question is whether we will hit the JACKPOT with our newest little angel or if we are in store for a whole bucket of crazy.  I'd like to think that we are more experienced parents this time around and that we can handle everything but Calvin didn't prepare us for everything, he only prepared us for his kind of calm, relaxed type of play. Not much help if we end up with a little hellion.

So here's to hoping that Calvin's relaxed approach to life is coded into our genes -- both Jon and I are pretty chill (right?) -- and that they combine again in such a way to result in the cutest, calmest little baby known to us.  If not, well, we'll roll with the punches and learn how to be parents all over again.  That's part of the fun, right?