Buying a Swedish house - eBay style!

We did not want to purchase any property in Sweden until we thought we "understood" the market a bit better. I placed understood in quotation marks because I don't think anyone truly understands the Swedish housing market. After speaking with numerous real estate agents, they all shake their heads and say, "I don't know. It's just crazy." I guess that's the easiest way to describe it: it's just crazy.

After doing some quick calculus, it dawned on us that we have moved 3 times in the past 3.5 years - Atlanta to Stockholm, Stockholm to Lidingo, and Lidingo to Akersberga. Moving so frequently is not only an expensive logistical nightmare but it is also difficult on the children. Now that our children are old enough to create friendships, uprooting them to the next rental for another year seems irresponsible. Living the gypsy lifestyle seems somewhat pointless when we have no intentions to leave Sweden any time soon. No, we had to purchase a house. It was time to figure out how to do so.

The Swedish real estate market (it's just crazy) is fairly streamlined on two websites - blocket.se and hemnet.se. After monitoring both, we found it easier just to focus on hemnet as there were mostly duplicate listings on blocket.

Jon spent every Saturday for a month driving around to the 4 quadrant neighborhoods outside of Stockholm to see if there were more affordable, livable options for us besides our current neighborhood. We didn't feel good about any of the other options for various reasons so we lasered our focus to the homes posted just in our town.

Here's how the process works for 99% of the houses in our neighborhood - a north eastern suburb of Stockholm:

• House is posted on hemnet.se with beautiful pictures, description and asking price
• Within 10-14 days of posting, there is one viewing on Sunday for 45 mins and possibly another on Monday for 45 mins in the evening
• Bidding (bids accepted anytime after the house is posted) generally begins on Monday
• Bids are placed via SMS to the realtor
• Once you enter a bid, you receive an SMS update every time there is another bid. Never has hearing your phone's text message BING been so stressful!
• After the bidding stops, the realtor calls every single person who attended the viewing(s) and/or placed a bid to see if they want to place another bid
• Highest bid (usually) receives the house 
• Home is removed from public listing after contract is signed
• The end!

There are different bidding styles, not unlike eBay, that we encountered:

• The Big Spender - places a first bid high above asking price to scare off competitors
• The Smidgen Upper - stabs your soul in small tiny bid increments within 5 mins of your own bid placement
• The Sniper - comes in at the last minute to outbid the highest bidder before the contract is signed

Example bidding - note the time stamps
All of these bids were received within 4 days of the house going on the market. It was sold before it's first viewing

The eBay-like bidding process is what makes the entire market unpredictable. We have watched houses that need serious renovation increase 37% in price due to the bidding. 37%! Also, sellers moving from pricier Stockholm are willing to bid up the price in the suburbs to secure whatever neighborhood they want and consequently, the prices are rising 14%-20% every 4 months. 

Jon and I observed this absolutely absurd housing market activity and said, "We may not be able to afford a house in this neighborhood if we wait any longer!" What a scary thought considering just 2 years ago, when we moved, this was a little suburb with a big commute.

What throws yet another wrench into this horrible process is that bids from the buyers are not binding and the seller does not have to sell to the highest bidder. Nope - if you are the highest bidder but bidder 2 is a friend of the seller's then you're out of luck. Also, someone can place a bid that raises the price, you counter, they remove their bid (it's not binding after all) and you are now stuck paying an inflated bid price. Too bad, so sad. 

You can see why we approached this housing market like a roaming lion out on the savannah. We hid, cowering behind a wall for many years so we wouldn't have to deal with it. Now the lion is moving much faster and is much stronger and we have to enter its domain. 

We possibly chose the most stressful way to buy a house and we placed a bid on a house that we had never seen before. We had missed the Sunday viewing and had only seen the pictures on hemnet. After going to enough viewings, we knew how realtors hide very big flaws in pictures so we negotiated for a private viewing. Jon was at work so I took him on a tour of the house via FaceTime. The house buying decision was based on how I felt while in the house. Is this somewhere we can make a home? Yes.

We were the top winners of a long and drawn out bidding war (so many SMS bings!) with our ultimate $605 bid (we had to be a Smidgen Upper at the end). With such a narrow margin of victory and the acknowledgement that at any point someone could outbid us, we raced into the realtor's office the next morning and signed the contract. Phew! 

We will officially move into the new house mid-December and instead of opening brightly wrapped Christmas presents, we will be unpacking boxes! 

The new digs

And back

Apologies for the identity crisis

The name of this blog has changed from, "Life is Good Ferland," to "Life is Good," to "Glögger," to "Knocked Up Abroad," and now back to "Glögger." Thanks for sticking through all of these changes, if you've been following from the beginning in 2011.

We originally started this little blog as a means to document our son's milestones without bombarding folks' inboxes and it transitioned into a "Life in Sweden" blog when he turned 9 months old and we moved internationally. I am working on a book, "Knocked Up Abroad," and had an ill-formed idea to utilize this existing platform as the book's website. That was not such a good idea so that project is separate from this blog over here. My intention is to keep the posts in Glögger about our own personal experiences and as a place for our American perspectives on very "Swedish" things.

In general, our lives in Sweden have normalized quite a bit but I do still have cultural epiphanies that I enjoy sharing. Sometimes they arise from being a parent, sometimes from being an American in Sweden and sometimes they are just observations that I make because I am me. Like, 2+2 and 2x2 result in the same number, 4. You can't do that with ANY other number. Isn't that cool?

Going Full Swedish in the Sauna

Most Americans have issues with public nudity. I don't know if it is because we were founded by Puritans who were too tightly laced or if it's because our society loves to judge a person's worth by their body shape. Regardless, the fear of being naked in front of others is evident by this video where female best friends boldly drop their towels to reveal that they have the same body parts. It's a cute video but it reinforces the idea that being naked in front of someone is a big deal. There is a large movement in the US for body acceptance - not caring what others think of you but also embracing what your body looks like. Complete body acceptance in Sweden is one of the biggest cultural differences that I have come to accept. Like anything that is culturally different from what you're used to, being naked in public is a fear I have and I must swallow my insecurities so as not to pass them along to my children.

Last weekend I took Calvin to the local swimming pool. There were naked bodies everywhere in the locker room and showers. Like a good little Swedish boy, Calvin didn't bat an eye and we headed through the showers into the pool area. After we were done swimming, it is tradition to hop in the sauna to warm up before showering and heading home. No bathing suits are allowed in the sauna - this is a naked body only zone. Calvin's excitement level for sauna time was matched by my equal and opposite feeling of dread.

Every insecurity I had about my body were racing through my head and I could feel anxiety rising in my throat. "Maybe nobody will be in the sauna." I thought hopefully. I peeked through the foggy glass door to see if someone was already there. I saw a foggy outline of a mom and her two children sitting on their towels. Bravely, I stripped off my bathing suit, grabbed a towel to sit on, and headed into the sauna with Calvin. Calvin had no reservations about any of this and he eagerly climbed to the top bench. I sat across from the other mother and wondered how I should sit. Should I cross my legs? Should I lean back, exposing my naked self in all of my glory? How can I make myself comfortable when I am so incredibly internally uncomfortable at this moment? Eventually, I just closed my eyes and did the ostrich move - pretend nobody can see you. There. Easy. The other Swedish mom smiled at me kindly and I didn't feel she was judging me. Her children were chatting and goofing around on the bottom bench and Calvin was sitting quietly and relaxing. It's just a sauna. Calm down, Lisa.

Saunas are hot and I really couldn't stand it for very long. I essentially had to drag Calvin out of the sauna as he could have stayed in for much longer. Another little family came into the sauna as we were leaving and I hoped that they weren't staring at my naked rumpa as I held the door for Calvin.

I felt as if I had chipped away some of my irrational fear by embracing the nudity in the sauna. I survived the ordeal and managed to hide my anxiety from my son. My children have no reservations around nudity and I want them both to have positive feelings about their own bodies, however they may look. Not passing along my aversion to public nudity (in an acceptable space like a sauna) is important to me as I want them to integrate into society. Sauna is a Scandinavian cultural and social norm and there will be many saunas in their futures. There will be more opportunities for me to overcome my aversion to public nudity and hopefully each sauna experience will help me relax and embrace what it is like to be Swedish. Body acceptance and all of the other health benefits sauna offers.

Sauna - one small step for a Swede, one giant leap for Lisa.

Physical and emotional closure

Ten days ago, we sold our house in Atlanta. Maintaining the house for the past 3.5 years was an expensive and logistical headache. Coordinating home repairs and finding renters while living abroad was a constant burden. Fortunately for us, our current tenants enjoyed the house so much that they emailed us an offer to buy it. Unfortunately for us, negotiating all of the closing processes while living abroad was more challenging than usual. 

To coordinate a timely closing, the US lawyers emailed us the legal documents to print on our side, sign, notarize and ship back. Easy, right? WRONG.

For one thing, US Legal paper, the size of paper required for printing out all of those affidavits and seller's documents, was not available in Sweden. A frantic search of local office supply stores resulted in the realization that I was going to have to be creative. 

Resourcefully, I spied my children's drawing pad of paper - it looked long enough but would it do the trick? I'm not one for DIY but after much measuring and cutting, I finally had 28 sheets of US Legal paper ready for the printer. Since it was much thicker than normal printer paper - as it was intended to absorb markers and crayons, not printer ink - I had to individually feed it each one into the printer, reset the printer settings and hit print - 28 different times. This was extremely time consuming to say the least!

Then came the little issue of finding a notary to witness and notarize our signatures. All of Sweden was on vacation when we did our preliminary search. Luckily for us, the only notary (publicus notarius, FYI) in our county opened the day before we had to ship them back to the US in time for the closing. We have only one day to pull this off. STRESS. Five hundred kronor and an hour later and we were out the door - taking a one and a half hour train ride into the city to FedEx the documents back to the US.

There was a mixup with the FedEx shipping label as Sweden couldn't figure out who to bill. The shipping label was for US shipping but it was coming from Sweden. FedEx did a few head scratches while figuring out their billing procedures so our lovely notarized documents sat in the mailroom for an extra day. Now we are in even more of a TIME CRUNCH than before and everything is out of our control. CUE MORE STRESS.

We tracked the documents and they arrived in Atlanta at 10am local time and the closing occurred at 1pm that day. Being so far out of the picture, nobody remembered to tell us if we had actually sold the house or not. There is always the off-chance that things go wrong at a closing. Jon reached out to the buyers the following day and they informed us that yes, the closing went well and they now owned our house. Done and Done.

All of the stressful parts of selling a house were made that much more cumbersome simply by living abroad. Every aspect of this process required at least two hours of online research and then the calling of various offices to understand the process. We were constantly thinking, "How can we make a Swedish solution fit our American problem?" Apparently the only solution might involve staying up for hours, measuring and trimming 28 sheets of drawing paper both lengthwise and widthwise and trying not to tear your hair out in the process.

In addition to the logistical challenges, I also felt strong emotions about selling our house. We have nothing physically tying us back "home." We have no items in storage - the management company threw away my wedding dress and photo albums so no need to take care of that anymore. Phew. Thanks guys. And now we don't have a house. I know we are saving money and stress and everyone is excited about that but it also means that our Atlanta chapter is closed closed.

Our house was symbolic to me of our old lives. It was our first house, the location of our marriage proposal and where we spent the first nine months of our son's life. While I keep those very happy memories with me, the sale of the house closed off that chapter for us permanently. The cliche loved/hated by expats, "You can't go home again" isn't just for a physical place, it is also for an emotional state of being. For the first time in 3.5 years, I really feel like we are permanently abroad. And as much as I love living abroad, I also loved our lives in the US. It was definitely with a bit of a heavy heart that I mailed those closing documents. 

Part of my sadness stems from the lack of a "proper goodbye." I don't know what one is, but for me, I don't felt like I had one. I didn't have enough farewell dinners or get togethers with friends - there just wasn't enough time. Are there ever "enough" farewell dinners anyway? 

You never know when your time will be the "one last" and you never know who it will be with. During the five weeks we had to prepare for our move to Sweden, we were in such a rush to pack up our lives that I never got to enjoy those "one lasts" in our neighborhood. That one last coffee at our favorite corner cafe. That one last dinner at our favorite restaurant. That one last walk through the park in the springtime. In reality, I did have those "one last" moments except I didn't know it at that time.

Moving abroad has made me find creative solutions to problems I didn't know ever existed - like creating US Legal sized paper in a foreign country - and it has made me appreciate the "one lasts" I will never have again. Sometimes we don't get the emotional closure we are looking for.

Like most things in life, this was bittersweet. A little bit of sadness and a little bit of joy as we let go of the things we no longer own. I'm still making my peace with this and that's OK.

My son thinks I'm a cold-blooded killer

We had a minor incident where my son saw me clap-kill a fruit fly in our kitchen and since that clearly murderous moment, he's been eyeing my behaviors around animals very closely. I've been on my best behavior and have only been killing fruit flies after he goes to bed or is at preschool. As far as he's concerned, it was just an isolated incident for which I have already profusely apologized.

Yesterday, I was helping his sister wash her hands in the sink and Little Buddha (I'm just going to refer to him as that because it's so much more appropriate than his name at the moment) was chatting with me about something - probably Mutant Mania or something. I saw a little gnat lazily wander by the stream of water flowing in the sink and I couldn't help myself. I splashed the gnat and helped the water wash the poor guy down the sink. Was it a heartless act? Probably but I really thought Little Buddha's attention was somewhere else.

Nope.

Little Buddha: Why did you just do that, Mama?!? Why did you get that bug wet? It wasn't hurting anyone! It can't swim in the sink. It's not supposed to be in the sink!

Me: What? Was that a bug? [Incredulous look] I thought that was just a black spot on the sink. I didn't know it was a little bug.

Foolishly I thought I could back out of this with a little fib. Nope.

LB: It wasn't a black spot though, it was a fly. Why did you do that?

Me: I'm sorry, Little Buddha. I didn't realize it was a fly. I won't ever get a fly wet again.

We carry on and unfortunately, my lax attitude towards cleaning is about to bite me in the rumpa. I have been really busy working every day from the minute I drop the kids off at preschool until the second I pick them up. I've been focused on everything else and have totally let housekeeping, laundry, grocery shopping, you name it, slide past me.

There just so happens to be a dead fly in the middle of the hardwood floor of the living room. I swear, it wasn't there earlier! He literally showed up dead on my doorstep. We both discover the carcass at the same time. Little Buddha happens upon the quite large and very much dead house fly and turns on me with so much hurt in his eyes.

LB: YOU KILLED ANOTHER FLY! How could you do this? You made a promise!

Me: Little Buddha! I swear, I did NOT kill that fly. He died completely on his own. He died a perfectly natural death. It was just his time to die.

LB: How did he die then? [indignant stance] I don't see flies just dropping out of the air. Did you do this? [He claps his hands loudly in my usual fruit fly killing manner]

Me: No, I did not clap him.

LB: What about this? [He slaps his palm onto the hardwood floor]. Did you squish him?!

Me: No, I swear. I did not kill that fly.

At this point, Little Buddha is so adamant in his demonstrations of possible fly-killing methods that I'm trying really hard not to laugh. His shrill little boy voice and hand slapping is just too comical. You know when the corners of your mouth are dying to go into FULL SMILE and you have to fight it? It totally makes you look like you're lying. My mouth was betraying my true innocence.

Me: OK, Little Buddha. You were right. I didn't think that fly was a black spot on the sink. I did wash him down and kill him because I thought you weren't watching. I'm sorry for that but I swear - I had nothing to do with this fly's death. I would admit it if I did.

LB: OK. I guess so.

Me: Can we put the fly in the garden? He deserves a burial.

LB: That way he knows where he is?

Me: What do you mean by that? You mean, so he is where he should be?

LB: Yeah. [He cradles the dead fly in his hands, walks it outside and throws it into the garden.] There little fly. Now you know where you are.

These flies need to a) stop being a nuisance and b) stop spontaneously dying on my doorstep and making me look bad.