Vad heter du?

"Vad heter du? Vad heter du?" - I was always asked this question, "What's your name?" by a group of children every time I walked past a Swedish preschool/daycare.  I would smile politely at the group of school children pressed against the chain link fence and give them my answer. What they did with that information, I'll never know. In fact, it seemed like something of an icebreaker/greeting that the children inherently knew and I found it endearing.

There is a construction site across from Calvin and Lucy's preschool and there was a construction worker standing there, directing pedestrian traffic as a large truck rumbled by. "Vad heter du?" asked Calvin. The man just smiled and ignored the question as I am sure he is asked it often by all of the children at the school. I think in that moment, it dawned on me that Calvin is a Swedish boy.

I asked Calvin why he asked strangers what their name was and his answer was surprisingly simple (I'm not sure why I expected a complex answer). As if revealing the wonders of the universe, he simply replied, "Because I don't know what their names are." Oh. Of course.

I am still surprised and slightly taken aback when my American child acts like a Swedish child. It catches me off guard when very Swedish sayings come out of his mouth. He even says, "Jaha!" in our English conversations. At times, he'll speak in English with the Swedish sentence structure and we will have to correct him. His brain is thinking in Swedish and English and sometimes the wires cross.

Watching my American child become Swedish, not just speaking Swedish, is such an odd event that I think goes hand in hand with watching him grow up. He's most definitely carving his own path that I never could have predicted for him and it is fascinating, terrifying and gratifying all at the same time.

Getting a Swedish Driver's License

I've heard tales of horror from Americans trying to get their Swedish driver's licenses. The theory test is difficult, the slippery course is fun and the driving test is brutal. Now that I'm actually going through the process myself, I'll share it in all of its gory detail.

Before you even begin...

Buy the books and begin studying

Seriously. This is no joke. Begin studying immediately and don't stop until you've completed the driving test. You must know all of the rules, and Swedes have a lot of rules, for scenarios like hauling a trailer, classes of vehicles, what to do if an old person approaches the road and other likely events.

Apply for a permit through Transportstyrelsen

You can't even take a driving lesson without this - no driving school will book you yet - so go get your eyes checked at your nearby Synoptik (or anywhere that sells glasses) and pay your driving permit fee.

OK - now that you've filed some paperwork and paid money to the right people, you can learn about all of the processes. All of these elements are mandatory to receive a driver's license.

Risk 1 - this is (usually) an all-Swedish language day-long course that discusses what elements put you at risk - i.e., sleepiness, drinking, distractions, etc. Basically you watch movies that show horrible accidents that result in pedestrian deaths, pediatric deaths, etc to make an emotional impression on the importance and severity of your driving actions. When you get behind the wheel, your ONLY JOB is to drive safely from point A to point B. That is it! No cell phones, no texting, no drinking, no smoking.

Risk 2 - this is the slippery/wet course and your goal is to deliberately lose control of and skid the car so to replicate what happens in slippery or wet driving conditions. The instructors want to be sure you've experienced what it feels like and know how to react appropriately so that you are prepared on the road. Have fun with this - there is no failing unless you drive off of the course and/or kill someone. Push your comfort limit and pull the e-brake to really slide out of control!

Theory - this extremely difficult exam consists of 70 questions that address any and all driving situations you learned about in your books. During the scoring of the exam, 5 questions are removed at random without your knowledge, regardless of if you answered them correctly or not. You must have answered at least 52 questions correctly to pass. 52/65 is 80% which is very difficult to achieve.
You will be expected to do calculations based on formulas you have read about regarding stopping distance, braking distance and reaction distance.  Many people fail at least once and must retake the test. If you fail a second time, you must retake all previous sections again. Practice questions are available for an extra charge and they are highly worthwhile.

Driving - you cannot take the driving test without first completing all of the above courses successfully. Should you fail the theory test, your driving test will be rescheduled until you successfully pass the theory portion. Err on the side of being cautious rather than over confident. They want to be sure that you understand the right hand yield rule, don't exceed the speed limit, and do the ever crucial backwards right-hand turn. Practice practice practice and ask a lot of questions during your driving lessons. Eco driving is easy enough to pick up but you just need to practice those techniques to ingrain them into your driving style.

All in all, your driver's license is going to cost anywhere from 6000kr-9000kr depending on how many driving lessons you book and if you fail and need to retake the theory or driving portions. More than just money, this all requires a lot of TIME.

Some final points:

• Sweden's goal is 0 traffic related deaths/year. ZERO. That is why it is so difficult and expensive to get a driving license. There is adequate public transportation around the city and the expense and difficulty involved in getting a license keeps young people off of the roads and reduces accidents.
• Rear face your children as long as possible. In Sweden, children must be rear facing until age 4 or 135cm. 
• Drive cautiously - seriously. Being 2 minutes late for work isn't worth possibly hitting a child on a bike or a pedestrian. I cannot stress this enough. Slow down and pay attention.
• Never drive while distracted - no texting or talking on your phone. I don't care what the laws are where you drive, you are responsible for your own driving.

The more things change, the more things stay the same

It was three years ago that we left the safety and comfort of the familiar and ventured into the unknown, then frozen landscape, that was Sweden. In those three years, this country no longer feels foreign but feels like home. We have explored other countries but return each time to feel at ease in our adopted land. As the newness has worn off over the years, we have slipped comfortably into every day life and admittedly have begun to take things for granted that this situation is our daily reality. It is tough for it not to.

Though much has changed, much remains the same.

Here is what has changed:

• We have an extra family member since we moved here - lovely and sweet Lucy
• Calvin is bilingual and switches seamlessly between both languages without pausing
• We speak English at home but I've found myself slipping more and more into Swedish phrases because "they feel right" - like, "sitta på rumpan, tack" just feels nicer than "sit on your butt, please"
• Every day feels like every day and less like a sparkly new adventure
• We have traveled to many other European countries since moving here. Now we need to explore more of Sweden
• We aren't afraid to ice skate on lakes/the sea anymore
• My default "other" language is Swedish. When traveling to foreign countries, I always respond with "ja, tack" even though I know they don't speak Swedish. To me, non-English=Swedish. 
• Jon took 6 months off work to be a full time dad and he loved every second of it
• I've made friends here and have successfully maintained friendships over time - big win!

Here is what remains the same:

• We still miss our friends and family in the States. The distance is very difficult for us too.
• Bessie still barks at everyone coming and going
• As a family, we are still very happy. We were happy in Atlanta and we are happy here - they are just different lifestyles

I've learned a lot about myself as a person since moving here. Every day, it's just us and that builds a sense of confidence and strength. Jon and I have both grown within our marriage. His parental leave was immensely valuable time with the family and we support each other before in ways I had never thought possible. 

We've also discovered that there is no utopia - no place is perfect and no situation is perfect. Living abroad comes with its fair share of tradeoffs. We don't make any decision without weighing all of the consequences and giving everything careful consideration. Though we haven't fully integrated into Swedish society, we are doing our best. It comes with time and a considerable amount of effort. Integrating while still retaining a sense of self is more difficult than I originally thought.

More and more of our friends are moving abroad and we see that as an inevitable transformation of the American workforce. Companies have global needs and will relocate their talent accordingly. Technology allows us to be ever increasingly mobile and maintain professional and personal relationships. 

Currently, there is a record number of expatriates living abroad. The "Global Expatriates: Size, Segmentation and Forecast for the Worldwide Market" report stated that there are roughly 50.5 million expats worldwide and is expected to reach 56.8 million by 2017. That is 0.7 percent of the total global population and the fastest growing population in the world.

But for us, it is wonderful that more of our friends get to experience the life changes that come after living in a foreign country for an extended period of time. We feel extremely privileged to live this life and I thank Jon every day for being my partner in it all. There isn't anyone I'd rather have by my side.

You know it's Winter in Sweden When...

You know it's Winter in Sweden When...

• There is no discernible difference in darkness between 3pm and midnight
• You cover every inch of outerwear in reflective tape and invest in reflective vests
• You will deliberately go out of your way and cross the street just to walk in the sunlight during the day
• You can count the number of hours of sunlight in November on one hand
• +1C is the worst temperature ever - still cold enough to require a jacket but not cold enough for winter activities
• You're ever grateful that your child's preschool playground is positioned to receive maximum sunlight
• Everyone's windows are full of beautiful Advent stars and candles
• Anyone in your immediate vicinity will alert you immediately if you accidentally drop your glove while walking 
• You wish for temperatures below 0 so you can XC ski and skate on the Baltic or nearby lake
• Parents walk their children to school by pulling them behind on a sled
• Your local paper has pictures of St. Lucia contestants
• Street lights turn off at 9am and turn back on at 2pm

Did I miss any?

An Amerikansk Thanksgiving in Sweden

We hosted our second American Thanksgiving in Sweden this year and it was met with great success. At first we figured we would limit the guest count to prevent excess chaos and maximize conversation but then we realized that Thanksgiving is meant to be chaotic, noisy and full of friends and family. We ended up with exactly what we aimed for.

In total, we had 14 guests and all of the children played well together. Calvin loved having new friends to play board games with and everyone enjoyed the food. All of our guests demanded an invitation for our next Thanksgiving and even offered to bring side dishes. The delicious food, wine and celebratory nature of Thanksgiving is a perfect lift out of the dreary and gray Swedish November and a wonderful way to welcome the Christmas season.

At one point, when everyone was chatting and digging into their turkey legs, I looked around and thought, "Now this is a Thanksgiving." It didn't matter that the language was Swedish and many people were unrelated, the essence of Thanksgiving was represented and we were able to recreate that warm homey feeling for our new friends.