Getting a Swedish Driver's License

I've heard tales of horror from Americans trying to get their Swedish driver's licenses. The theory test is difficult, the slippery course is fun and the driving test is brutal. Now that I'm actually going through the process myself, I'll share it in all of its gory detail.

Before you even begin...

Buy the books and begin studying

Seriously. This is no joke. Begin studying immediately and don't stop until you've completed the driving test. You must know all of the rules, and Swedes have a lot of rules, for scenarios like hauling a trailer, classes of vehicles, what to do if an old person approaches the road and other likely events.

Apply for a permit through Transportstyrelsen

You can't even take a driving lesson without this - no driving school will book you yet - so go get your eyes checked at your nearby Synoptik (or anywhere that sells glasses) and pay your driving permit fee.

OK - now that you've filed some paperwork and paid money to the right people, you can learn about all of the processes. All of these elements are mandatory to receive a driver's license.

Risk 1 - this is (usually) an all-Swedish language day-long course that discusses what elements put you at risk - i.e., sleepiness, drinking, distractions, etc. Basically you watch movies that show horrible accidents that result in pedestrian deaths, pediatric deaths, etc to make an emotional impression on the importance and severity of your driving actions. When you get behind the wheel, your ONLY JOB is to drive safely from point A to point B. That is it! No cell phones, no texting, no drinking, no smoking.

Risk 2 - this is the slippery/wet course and your goal is to deliberately lose control of and skid the car so to replicate what happens in slippery or wet driving conditions. The instructors want to be sure you've experienced what it feels like and know how to react appropriately so that you are prepared on the road. Have fun with this - there is no failing unless you drive off of the course and/or kill someone. Push your comfort limit and pull the e-brake to really slide out of control!

Theory - this extremely difficult exam consists of 70 questions that address any and all driving situations you learned about in your books. During the scoring of the exam, 5 questions are removed at random without your knowledge, regardless of if you answered them correctly or not. You must have answered at least 52 questions correctly to pass. 52/65 is 80% which is very difficult to achieve.
You will be expected to do calculations based on formulas you have read about regarding stopping distance, braking distance and reaction distance.  Many people fail at least once and must retake the test. If you fail a second time, you must retake all previous sections again. Practice questions are available for an extra charge and they are highly worthwhile.

Driving - you cannot take the driving test without first completing all of the above courses successfully. Should you fail the theory test, your driving test will be rescheduled until you successfully pass the theory portion. Err on the side of being cautious rather than over confident. They want to be sure that you understand the right hand yield rule, don't exceed the speed limit, and do the ever crucial backwards right-hand turn. Practice practice practice and ask a lot of questions during your driving lessons. Eco driving is easy enough to pick up but you just need to practice those techniques to ingrain them into your driving style.

All in all, your driver's license is going to cost anywhere from 6000kr-9000kr depending on how many driving lessons you book and if you fail and need to retake the theory or driving portions. More than just money, this all requires a lot of TIME.

Some final points:

• Sweden's goal is 0 traffic related deaths/year. ZERO. That is why it is so difficult and expensive to get a driving license. There is adequate public transportation around the city and the expense and difficulty involved in getting a license keeps young people off of the roads and reduces accidents.
• Rear face your children as long as possible. In Sweden, children must be rear facing until age 4 or 135cm. 
• Drive cautiously - seriously. Being 2 minutes late for work isn't worth possibly hitting a child on a bike or a pedestrian. I cannot stress this enough. Slow down and pay attention.
• Never drive while distracted - no texting or talking on your phone. I don't care what the laws are where you drive, you are responsible for your own driving.

The Snow Globe Effect

Last Christmas, Mother Sweden pulled out all of the stops and gave us a lot of snow that created the perfect magic to get everyone into the Christmas spirit.  It was lucky that my parents were there to experience the beauty themselves.  The snow hanging on the branches of the trees made it feel like we were walking in a snow globe that had just been lightly shaken and all of the glittery snowflakes had just settled down again.  The woods were quiet except for the crunching of our boots. We kept marveling at how beautiful it was and I called it the "Snow Globe Effect."

This Christmas we had weather that was rainy and consistently in the 40s and gave us the overall blah feeling.  Though the weather didn't help put us in the Christmas spirit, Stockholm still dresses up for the occasion and we hit up the Christmas markets and the NK store windows.

So, here we are in January and we finally, finally, have snow in Stockholm that is suitable for sledding.  Yesterday as I was walking Calvin to school, these huge flakes started falling and I just sighed and thought, "here's the snow globe feeling I've been waiting for!"  Calvin looked at me and says confusedly, "It's Christmas? It's not Christmas..."  No, it's not Christmas but it finally feels like it.  Hope you can enjoy the snow globe effect where you are this winter!

The first signs of a Swedish Spring

These beauties appeared in the middle of our
yard where grass normally grows. Pretty!

In many places, spring arrives with longer days, some rain, buds sprouting on trees and the disappearance of all snow and ice.  In Sweden, there is a maniacally crazy and random cycle of snow, sun, rain, snow, rain, rain, snow, sun, snow, rain, before spring decides to stay a while.  This elusiveness really toys with your sanity.

In addition to the typical weather patterns that indicate spring is arriving, we've noticed that Stockholm has its own indicators.  Everyone seems to relax a little more and shovels are put away in their garages until the next snow fall or 6 months, whichever comes first.

Here is our list of uniquely Swedish/Stockholmish signs of spring:

• You put away your heavy winter gear for your early spring/fall gear -- lighter gloves and hats are now worn around town
• Hunter rain boots and spandex are the new uniform for the Swedish women

• Snow drop flowers start popping up through the snow
• Everyone sweeps the rocks, grit and dead leaves into the street so that the...
• Town hoovers/vacuums the streets of all of the sand and grit
• Motorcycle drag races on the streets start up again
• Your heating bill begins to decline by about 500 SEK/month
• Neighbors start shoveling their lawns of all snow into the streets to help it melt
• Dead branches and trees are collected and placed for the upcoming large bonfire celebration, Walpurgis Night, on April 30th

The site of our local bonfire for Walpurgis Night

Happy Springtime everyone! Enjoy the sunshine!

Just put a plow on it!

The snow is back!  I think the birds foolishly thought spring was around the corner because it hasn't snowed in nearly a month and the temperature was finally in the + range for a few days.  Considering it snowed for 33 hours straight, I have a feeling we will be solidly in winter a bit longer.

Swedes are professional snow plowers and they seem to be able to adapt any vehicle into a snow plow.  If it has tires and space for a plow attachment,  you're in business.

It's hard to tell Calvin what these things are since they are usually a combination -- truck-plow, tractor-plowbackhoe/digger-plow, and forklift-plow.  It seems the possibilities are endless and are getting more creative as winter progresses -- I saw a golf cart-plow the other day.  Wherever there is snow to clear, people will invent ways to remove it with the least amount of effort. Happy shoveling!

Melodifestivalen - the ridiculousness continues

When everyone in the US is getting hyped up for Superbowl Sunday, the Ferland household was getting psyched for Melodifestivalen Saturday.  Last year we discovered the hilarity that is Melodifestivalen (pronounced, Melody-festi-vaaahhlen) and wrote a funny (I think) article about it here and the results of the 2012 winners here.

It's a Swedish guilty pleasure and we LOVE it!  It's that odd time of the year when the fun winter holidays are over and the nice spring weather hasn't shown up yet.  The musical acts range from disgustingly bubble gum pop to weird brooding-slam poetry type songs.  There are some good acts but Jon and I are always disappointed when they don't make it through to the next round.  Think of it like American Idol where people watch for the good acts as much as they watch it for the disaster performances. Either way, no one can argue that it's pure entertainment.  The hostess seems to wear a different outfit every time the camera comes back to her and her sidekick, this year it's last year's runner-up, Danny, is the perfect Ken-doll with a microphone.

2013 Melodifestivalen Hosts

Melodifestivalen cheat sheet:

• Each act has to sing the same song, wear the same outfit, perform the same dance, etc throughout the competition
• The winning act goes on to compete in Eurovision with the same act
• 4 weeks of regular competition where the public votes (via SMS) for the top 2 acts each week
• 1 week is a "last chance"/wildcard round where the 2 runners-up from each week get another chance to make it to the Finals

Since you probably will not search YouTube for the entire episode, I've broken Round 1 down for you so you can follow along with the rest of Sweden.

Melodi 1: David Lindgren singing Skyline
Bold Move: Ripping off Danny's song "Amazing" but singing it with better proficiency.
As Jon said, "Just build a better mousetrap."

Melodi 2: Cookies n Beans singing Burning Flags -- basically they are the Dixie Chicks, just with less talent, fame and stage presence.
Bold Move: Having a gross band name.

Melodi 3: Jay-Jay Johanson singing Paris -- go back to France, this was boring
Bold Move: None

Melodi 4: Mary N'Diyae singing Gosa -- happily upbeat but I had no idea what she was singing until I googled "Gosa" and it translated into "cuddle."  I can get behind a song that tells me to cuddle. Fun times.
Bold Move: Employing unattractive back-up dancers.

Melodi 5: Eric Gadd/Eddie Izzard singing something I can't remember in Swedish -- all I know is Eddie Izzard is hilarious.
Bold Move: Telling the audience, "I'm going to rock your soul!" and then hitting the stage with a chill lounge lizard number.

Melodi 6: YOHIO singing Heartbreak Hotel - YOHIO is a cross between Avril Lavinge and the Girl With the Dragon Tattoo only he is a boy.  Apparently he is a huge superstar in Japan and is now after the Swedish market.
Bold Move: Showing the broken heart glove to the audience/camera no less than 30 times in 2 minutes.

Melodi 7: Anna Järvinen singing a lullaby in a housecoat and pajama bottoms
Bold Move: Not falling asleep to her own song.




Melodi 8: Michael Feiner and Caisa -- two words, "SAX APPEAL!"  They would have benefitted from less of her singing and more of his awesome sax playing.
Bold Move: Not singing fully in either English or Swedish -- at times I forgot what language I was hearing since I couldn't make out any of the words.  (...it was in English)

The most entertaining, however, was Danny Saucedo stealing the attention by showing off his hairless chest and a weird S&M outfit with a spikey codpiece.  I would say that Americans would be "above" this type of entertainment/humiliation but since the Kardashians still have a reality show, nobody can make that argument.

Danny took on multiple personas during the show...

Frank Sinatra Danny

Forward-fashion Danny

Half-naked Danny (his best look really)

Brave, bold S&M Danny

So, who made it onto the next round?  The Danny rip-off guy, David and he-she YOHIO.  Gosa-girl didn't even make it to the second-chance round even though we texted in our votes.

The Swedish Method to Lose that Baby Weight!

A big issue for moms (everywhere, I think) is losing that post-baby pregnancy weight.  Granted a ton of it comes off after delivering your baby, but I see posts in magazines and online about moms who just can't lose those last 10-15 pounds.  One thing I noticed upon arriving to Stockholm was that all of the moms here are stick skinny.  Aside from their comfort breastfeeding in public (no La Leche League here needed!), they all tend to look like they never gave birth.  There's no "mommy pouch" in front and they are all carrying <2 month old babies around.  Why is this? How can so many magazines be making money on telling you their tips when these women just seem to do it so effortlessly?    Is there some secret that they know that we don't?

Nope -- here are my main two observations:

1. They walk a few hours every day
2. They don't own cars (the main reason for point #1)

It's actually very easy.  At first I gave all of the credit to their Viking-genes and just thought Swedes were "naturally thin."  No, they are "naturally" fit -- their lifestyle and societal norms make it (somewhat) expected to get out of the house and walk around everyday.  During your parental leave, you push a large stroller, often through snow, for several hours a day.  If you've ever pushed a stroller with a child in it for just 1 hour, you will quickly realize what a workout it truly is.  Now, put that stroller into 4 inches of snow and you'll very quickly be winded, tired and sore. (Walking through snow is essentially like walking on the beach -- you have no traction and each step seems to be 'in place' rather than propelling you forward).

Combine ALL of that with the numerous hills that comprise Stockholm and it's absolutely no surprise at all that Swedish moms lose all of that baby weight without having to even think about it.  They just live their lives -- a normally active one -- and the weight falls off.  Breastfeeding plus walking for hours and lugging a huge stroller (and baby) up stairs, escalators, buses and trains means that calories expended greatly outweigh any conceivable caloric intake.

Deep snow makes for tough pushing

Not owning a car means that you have to walk everywhere (duh). It also means that when you go to the grocery/liquor store, you only buy what you can carry.  This means that you can only really carry enough food for 2-3 days max before you have to go out again.  This works out your arms and also means that you are only eating what is absolutely necessary.  You're not stocking up on food to snack throughout the day and you're not wasting food (and money) because you eat everything before it expires. What a life!

It's that easy folks!  So there is no "secret Viking gene," just good old fashioned exercise and a reasonable diet.

One major difference is that the moms in Stockholm do all of the above and they still look fabulous.  Their hair and makeup are perfect and they wear heeled boots (why I don't know).  For me, personally, I'm about comfort and warmth so I look more like this:

Hajah what? Another hill??

 and less like this:

So in conclusion, you too can do "The Swedish Method" to lose that weight -- ditch the car and walk to the grocery store every 2 days. Push your stroller outside for a few hours every day (go up every hill) during your maternity leave and I guarantee you will be back in your pre-pregnancy jeans before you go back to work.

Find the right jogging stroller for you!

Swedes are not "cold"

I read or heard somewhere that people have deemed Swede's personalities as "cold."  After the day I had today, I would disagree with that assessment and I'm not even Swedish.

Swedes may not want to insult your ability to handle things on your own by holding the door open for you or helping you if you don't ask, but they have literally rushed to my aid