Parental Leave in Sweden -- how it works

When we first moved to Sweden, we discovered that we qualified for government paid parental leave since Calvin had not yet turned 8 years old.  Jon took 6 weeks off and loved every minute of it.  You can read about the time he took here.

In comparison to US unpaid maternity leave (most dads never take any leave whatsoever), we view Sweden's policy as extremely generous.

Side note: only 3 countries in the world offer 12 weeks of unpaid leave

• United States
• Swaziland
• Lesotho

Swedes are very good at taking advantage of the system and some families can leverage the timing of the births of their children to take up to 3-5 consecutive years off from work, all paid.  

All of these numbers are going to get confusing and fortunately, Forsakringskassan.se provides you an easy calculator where you can put in your salary, time off and it'll automatically calculate all of the benefits for which you qualify.  All of this information, filling out forms to apply for parental leave is available here http://www.forsakringskassan.se/.

Breakdown of the Swedish parental leave

• 480 days to split between the two parents (no need to be married, just biological or adoptive parents)
• Dads get 10 days of "free" parental leave when the baby is born -- must be used within 60 days after baby arrives home from the hospital
• Equality bonus if you split the time down the middle of an extra tax-free $240/month
• The "minority" parent (generally the dads) must use at least 60 days before the child turns 8 years old
• Many Swedish companies "top up" base government pay up to 90% of your salary for x months (generally 6 months) if used before the child turns 1.5 years old
• You can choose to get paid 1 day/week, 2 days/week...7 days/week.
• You also get Barnbidrag - a child allowance of 1050 SEK/month ($164/month)

How to maximize your time off

• Since you are paid on a daily basis, holidays do not count towards your parental leave. They are holidays and those days add up...
• The less days you get paid each week, the longer you stretch out your time
• So, if you take 1 month of time and choose to get paid 3 days/week, this turns into 1 month  and 16 days of time off from work. Multiply that by 6 months of leave and you have effectively transformed your 6 months of leave into 9 months off of work! Well done!  You have to be good at budgeting your funds, but if you have a working partner, you can scrimp and save and enjoy that time off with your baby (now toddler).
• Take your time off when your employer "tops up" -- that means before your kid turns 18 months old. 
• Save some days and add them to your 33 days of vacation each year.  This is how many Swedes take 1-2 months off each year without batting an eye.

How all of this affects us

• I work on a contract for a US company so I qualify for absolutely no US maternity leave but I DO qualify for the base pay of Swedish parental leave.  I'll take that $15/day thank you very much!
• My US income goes straight to our US bank account to fund our mortgage, HOA fees, and student loans. My income is necessary and I can't go unpaid for too long.
• Fortunately I work from home, so it should still be a low-stress work environment for me. No need for a nanny or a commute to daycare this time around.
• Jon's company will top up for 6 months and I can donate all but 60 days of my time to him (I'll be the minority parent in this situation).  Since he has heavily taxed Swedish income, we will be getting the most bang for our buck by leveraging the government-paid leave (80% of his salary up to a maxed out cap) for 180 days.
• Kids in Sweden don't start daycare until they are 12-18 months old, so I really do need Jon on hand to take care of Baby #2.  I plan on taking off 3 months of unpaid leave but our US bank account can't float for too long. 

I may have missed some details and my Swedish friends can enlighten us further on how to best leverage this unique opportunity.  Jon is going to take as much time as possible because let's face it, when will we ever be in this position again?  If he didn't take time, that would be a disservice to our children.  What is better for our kids than to have both parents at home, on hand to dote, play and laugh with them?  Also, Jon gets to try out the open preschools and learn all of those Swedish nursery rhymes.  I'm excited for him to experience a bit of what I first went through with Calvin when we first moved here.

My only concern is that Jon will love his parental leave too much and convince me to keep expanding our family beyond our original plan of 2 kids. One at a time...one at a time.  But I can't blame him - who wouldn't want endless time with your baby?  

Calvin at 5 weeks

If you're not here, you're not anywhere

For my 30th birthday, my mom bought me the book, "The Happiness Project" and there was the quote in one of the chapters,

"If you're not here, you're not anywhere"

It was one of the author's daily reminders to herself to stay in the present moment.  There are so many times when I see parents out with their children but they are checking their cell phones and completely ignoring their kids.  One woman was so absentminded that she pushed the empty swing next to her while her daughter sat still in her own swing - for about 20 minutes.  Really? Really!? Come on now!  

I admit that I am also guilty of mentally checking out sometimes because let's face it, I just don't want to play in the puddles like Calvin does.  But those times when we "check out" from our kids or from anything we are doing, means that we aren't in the present moment and it's a waste of time.  And every time I really engage with what Calvin is doing, we all enjoy ourselves so much more.

Today, I was doing work and I started listening to a summertime country playlist on Spotify.  I instantly became homesick for the relaxed ways of the south.  The carefreeness of being able to hop in a pick up truck, head to the river and just be carefree on a lazy Sunday.  It's everything I want for my children -- that freedom and ability to let their minds and hearts wander without expectation and to LIVE for the hot summer time.  But I don't live in the south anymore and feeling sad about it means that I'm not appreciating where I DO live and everything it has to offer.  Different doesn't mean better or worse - it's just different.  And I was violating my "be present" rule -- I was wishing I was somewhere other than where I was.

Calvin and I spent a few hours in the sun playing in the outdoor pool down the road.  He ran through the grass, laughing and playing with this boats.  I'd say he was pretty carefree in that moment, but was I? Where was my head?  Why was I wasting these moments with my son when they are already so fleeting.  

It's human nature and it'll happen again, but the above saying will be my attempt to keep myself on track.  I'm going to put down my phone more and only check my emails once we are having "down time."  And I'll even try to enjoy the puddles like Calvin does.  

Looking for animals in the clouds

Will we get lucky a second time?

Calvin is remarkably easy.  He was an easy pregnancy, an easy newborn, and a super easy toddler.  We had no idea what we were in store for and it turns out that he is pretty wonderful 98% of the time. Case in point: today I asked him if he wanted lunch and he said, "no -- nap with binks."  As usual, I reiterated what he said to be sure we were on the same page, "You just want to take a nap with your binks?" To which he replied, "Yeah! Hurray!" and crawled backwards down the stairs, jumped into his crib and grabbed his pacifier.  That was it - nap time is the best time.  He asked and then celebrated when he got to take a nap.  Who does that?  You really can't ask for much more than that.

It's only when I hear about other mom's children's tantrums that I discover that Calvin's "tantrums" are really just minor disputes in our house. Nothing is ever broken or destroyed and the tears abate after a few minutes and a hug from Momma or Daddy.  We keep waiting for the other shoe to drop and for him to hit his "nightmare phase" but so far, we've been lucky.  (I'm currently knocking on wood and have my fingers and toes crossed because I REALLY don't want to jinx anything).

So...the real nail-biting question is whether we will hit the JACKPOT with our newest little angel or if we are in store for a whole bucket of crazy.  I'd like to think that we are more experienced parents this time around and that we can handle everything but Calvin didn't prepare us for everything, he only prepared us for his kind of calm, relaxed type of play. Not much help if we end up with a little hellion.

So here's to hoping that Calvin's relaxed approach to life is coded into our genes -- both Jon and I are pretty chill (right?) -- and that they combine again in such a way to result in the cutest, calmest little baby known to us.  If not, well, we'll roll with the punches and learn how to be parents all over again.  That's part of the fun, right?

A coastal rivalry -- Gothenburg vs. Stockholm

Since moving to Stockholm, we have been traveling a lot outside of Sweden.  Our travel within Sweden has been limited mainly to the Stockholm area with a few exceptions -- Jonköping, Uppsala, and Visby/Gotland.  We have really enjoyed our time outside of Stockholm and we wanted to explore more of the Swedish countryside, which has always overwhelmed me with its simple beauty.

Jon thought it would be great to take a scenic train ride to Gothenburg/Göteborg, and spend a long weekend exploring the city and southern archipelago.  Calvin loves trains and I love exploring, so why not? We have heard lots of good things about Göteborg from people who used to live there and we wanted to investigate the second largest city in Sweden for ourselves.  We have heard rumblings from Swedes from each coast boasting that their city is the best and Jon imagined a Biggie vs. Tupac type rivalry between the two cities.  NY vs. LA - which city is better?  People from Göteborg say that their city is friendlier, easier to make friends and more open to foreigners.  Stockholmers say there is no contest, Stockholm wins.  They don't provide much evidence because it just is so evident that no further explanation is needed.

We hopped on a train where Calvin blissfully slept during the whole journey, and when we settled into our apartment in downtown Göteborg, it became clear to us why the city has the nickname, "Little London."  The nickname wasn't earned by Göteborg's historical importance, architecture or function as an economic hub for the country, but mainly because their weather is driven by the Atlantic coast.  We left sunny, warm Stockholm, for gray, dreary and surprisingly cold, Göteborg.
 

Now, I know fully well how weather can affect your impression of a location, so I tried really really hard to give Göteborg the benefit of the doubt.  We wandered around the city, shopping district, and historical center for an entire day.  The weather ranged from cold and gray to sunny and bright, and we went through 4 different outfit changes in just a few hours.  The parks were lush and green and there was a beautiful canal running through the city.  We wandered down by the water and looked at the ships.  There is even an opera house on the water, to which Jon slyly asked, "What city, outside of Sydney, has an opera house by the water? Oh, Göteborg, of course!"
                 

The next day, we were supposed to head out to the archipelago but the weather was absolutely awful.  It was cold, drizzly and didn't look like it would improve until 3pm, when we were scheduled to be back at the apartment anyway.  We canceled the archipelago idea and instead, took Calvin to the Alfons Åberg's Kulturhus for some warm, indoor imaginative play.  He had a great time and we stayed warm and happy.

 
Whenever we change our travel plans last minute, I just keep repeating the mantra, "Adapt or die. Adapt or die."  I really didn't feel like being on a boat for an hour+ and then wander around outside on an island in horrible weather.  That wasn't going to be fun for anyone.
              

We left Göteborg with the feeling that Stockholm wins as the better city.  We cannot compare archipelagos because we didn't get to see Göteborg's islands, but in terms of cityscapes, Stockholm wins hands down.  Göteborg looks like a great place to study, work and live.  It felt very friendly and they have an extensive tram system that zips around to all city locations very easily.  It just didn't seem like any place a tourist would really want to visit for any length of time.  There just isn't that much to do if you don't live there. If we took a trip to the archipelago in nice weather, our opinions may be different.  However, you can't argue that your city is better if you have to leave the city to enjoy it's best parts.  In my amateur opinion, Stockholm wins this round.

I am very glad that we went to Göteborg and we will continue to set out to other regions of the country to explore.  I'd like to travel up to Kiruna or the northern region to see the northern lights and I'd love to see Småland with its picturesque little red houses and yellow fields.  I'll be returning to Visby this summer - one of my favorite places in Sweden so far, so it'll be nice to revisit an old friendly town.

Pregnant in Sweden

Introducing the newest Ferland at 18 weeks

The long periods in between blog posts are partially due to the fact that we weren't publicly announcing our pregnancy until the half way point.  That meant that I couldn't really divulge all that was going on in our lives which meant some posts were on the boring side.  Now that the cat is out of the bag, I can talk about all of the things I've been dying to talk about!

I'm not sure how much Calvin understands of what is going on, but he points to my belly whenever we mention "baby" and he repeats baby names after us whenever we are brain storming.  Now that we know we are having a girl, I'm sure a small part of him is relieved he won't be needing to share his cars with a brother.  She could surprise us though and be a total tomboy.  She'll be wearing his hand me downs for sure, because why not?  Gender equality is the rage here in Sweden so girls wearing trucks is nothing shocking.

Here is a rundown of how this pregnancy has been COMPLETELY DIFFERENT than my first pregnancy.  Of course, every woman experiences pregnancy differently but this time, I'm in a new country learning about a new health care system.  It keeps things interesting, that's for sure.

Positive pregnancy test: January 20, 2013
Estimated due date: October 10, 2013 -- this date keeps moving around so we'll just keep 10/10 to make things easy.

First trip to Swedish midwife: Barnmorcentral -- February 2013

• More of a "meet and greet" type scenario -- discussed medical background, exercise, diet, smoking/alcohol consumption, etc
• Blood pressure test: 113/76
• Urine test for protein
• Finger stick for blood sugar test and iron
• Everything came out in the normal range
• Next appointment: May 27, 2013

Differences between Swedish and US prenatal care:

• This first visit didn't even confirm that I was pregnant -- no blood test, urine test, etc.
• First (and only) ultrasound will be conducted at 18 weeks at the ultrasound center
• Quite different from the three ultrasounds of Calvin before 18 weeks (@8, 12, then 16 weeks)
• There they check for growth, abnormalities, twins (eek!)
• If you are over 35, you have the option for an amniocentesis to check for genetic disorders and defects
• Blood glucose blood test is only done if medically necessary
• They take 5 finger pricks throughout the pregnancy and if you show high blood sugar levels, they may make you take the glucose challenge for gestational diabetes.  Thank goodness I am not subjected to that needless, vomit-inducing and stressful test!
• At 20 weeks, you attend a group discussion of diet, exercise, and general things that women experience halfway through pregnancy.  Since it's all in Swedish, my midwife suggested I meet with her to discuss any concerns we may have.
• The midwives you see for office visits are NOT the midwives who will deliver your baby.  There are office midwives and hospital midwives.  Hospital midwives do delivery and office midwives handle the well-visits.  Definitely a departure from the US system where you agonize and stress over building a relationship with your midwife or OB because you want them to honor your birth plan.
• You won't know where you are going to deliver until you are in labor.  You have your list of preferred hospitals, who have your information and due date, but when you are in labor, you have to call the hospital to see if they have room for you.  If not, you have to go to the next hospital and so on.  It's a stressful situation but there is a limitation on the number of beds each hospital has and Stockholm has a lot of pregnant ladies.
• Birth plans are real things here -- since you won't know where you are delivering and you won't have a personal relationship with whoever delivers your baby, you hand over your birth plan, cross your fingers, and hope that they honor your wishes the best they can. 
• I've heard stories of some midwives being "old school" and not giving epidurals because they deemed them unnecessary.  These women are of viking blood and are as tough as nails.  I need to make sure I put on my big girl panties and get prepared to do this the natural way. Calvin was a piece of cake because I had a cozy epidural but that may not be an option this time.  Time to practice rhythmic breathing!

I have no willpower when it comes to cravings

Impressions:

• Sweden's approach to prenatal care is pretty holistic.  They don't schedule appointments every 4 weeks for healthy pregnancies and expensive procedures are limited only to those who need them.  Let's face it -- pregnancy isn't a complicated event for 90% of women.  In a socialized medical world, you need to limit expenses everywhere you can and anything that is unnecessary is not done.
• It is kind of disconcerting to go through the first half of your pregnancy without any medical appointments, but that's how they do things here.  They take your information and then say, "See ya at 20 weeks! Call us if things get weird."
• We asked my midwife about prenatal vitamins and she looked at me like I was crazy.  Why would you need vitamins?  It almost seems like prenatal vitamins are a pre-requisite in the US and women freak out if they miss a pill.  Missing a prenatal vitamin will surely result in a deformed child, for sure, right? Isn't that what my US midwife pounded into my head??  She shook her head and said, "folic acid is necessary in the first 8 weeks but fine afterwards and you won't need additional iron until week 20." -- Everything else is just business as usual I guess.  Maybe Americans are a little more uptight than I had thought.
• Iron -- my blood test came back very deficient in iron. I'm anemic and nearly pass out on a regular basis and this pregnancy has really sapped whatever iron was remaining in my blood.  When we were in Rome, I had to sit down frequently after walking around because I was dizzy. Around 13 weeks,  I was reading to Calvin on the couch and nearly passed out sitting up -- the tunnel vision,  loss of hearing, everything.  I called to Jon and he ran to the apoteket to get the high dosage of iron supplements my midwife had recommended.  I'm now on 2 pills a day - the maximum dosage and am feeling much better.
• Emergency care during pregnancy -- around week 12, we had a scare with cramping and some bleeding.  I called my midwife and she sent me to the emergency gyn clinic.  Calvin was a model child and played with his cars in the waiting room for 4 hours.  Aside from waiting for forever even though there was NOBODY THERE, they did an ultrasound to confirm everything was ok.  Fortunately it was and they couldn't explain my symptoms so I was scheduled for another ultrasound.  Two weeks later, we had a follow up ultrasound and once again, they confirmed everything was fine.  
• Even though the socialized prenatal care here is very "laid back" in comparison to US practices, they do take you seriously if you have an emergency.  This was very comforting and it bolstered my confidence in their approach.  If everything is normal, no need to come in.  If things are not normal, come in immediately and we'll take care of you.  Makes sense to me.

Turns out it's easy to hide a pregnancy when you live half a world away

How I'm feeling:

• Before we knew we were having a girl, I was convinced I was having a girl.  Everything was different than last time. I was super sick for 2 weeks and had food aversions for another few weeks after that.  I couldn't drink coffee for 15 weeks and still don't really care for it.  I started eating everything in sight... and I mean everything.  I did the stereotypical pregnant lady move and ate an entire jar of pickles -- only breaking down in tears when I struggled to open the jar, followed by real tears once I did pry the jar open. Tears of joy! Over pickles?!? Who am I? What is this baby doing to me?  I was/am a hormonal wreck...
• Now that I'm taking iron supplements regularly, I'm feeling much much better. I have more energy and haven't felt like I was going to pass out in a long time.  Just those two things have been a lifesaver.
• Having experienced the US approach to prenatal care, I cannot say that I was overwhelmed with my positive experience. I probably would've had a good experience regardless of where I delivered.  I had a low/no-risk pregnancy, epidural with pitocin and Calvin was born after 3 pushes.  Everything went fine for me so I can't credit the US-medical system with doing anything remarkable.  Reading up on Sweden's positive birth-related outcomes, this country is, without a doubt, the much safer place to have a child.  Sweden's approach to birthing babies respects the process and allows the woman's body to do its own thing.  
• I'm slightly nervous about the figure-out-where-you-are-going-to-deliver-once-you-are-in-labor deal.  1) Labors after the first baby often come much quicker, 2) We don't own a car, so will I be laboring in a taxi? On the T-bana tram? 3) The nearest hospital is about a 40 minute drive..., 4) Who will watch Calvin?
• We are moving a few months before the baby is due, so it is my mission to make good friends with our neighbors very quickly.  We may need a last minute lift to the hospital or someone to watch Calvin on short notice, so I'm hoping they are amenable...
• Worst case scenario - give birth on the side of the road and call an ambulance.  THIS HAS HAPPENED TO WOMEN HERE.  It is a story I have heard from other women.  The last minute scrambling has resulted in some chaos and the baby comes when the baby comes.  Eeek!