Parental Leave - three week update!

Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.

These have been the fastest three weeks of my life.  It seems like only yesterday that I was saying “hej då!” to work and it’s already been almost a month!  So to make sure that I don’t end up on January 4^th looking back at a blur of time, I wanted to jot down a few top  lists from the time so far.

• Favorite Moments –
• Walking in the Forest:  At the end of a rainy, nap-filled day, Calvin had a full battery after dinner.  We decided that it would be a good idea for me to take him out to the forest right behind our house for a quick walk.  It might have actually been the best idea we ever had.  He was so fired up, he talked a mile a minute for half an hour straight.  I was DYING.  It was so much fun to see how much of a little boy he is now, and I was able to piece together about 10 minutes of video from the walk too. 

Calvin walking through the forest

• Don’t wake the trolls!:  The four of us went for a fun walk through the big forest one day.  We made sure to stop and have calvin check for trolls under every bridge we found.  On one, he found a troll, but luckily it was asleep.  For fun when I walked over the bridge my last step was LOUD.  Loud enough to wake the troll!  Hours later after bath time, he grabs my face with both of his hands, stares deep into my eyes and says “ DADDY – do NOT do that again.  DO NOT wake up the trolls!!”. 

• Seeing Lucy crawl for the first time:  Lucy and I have had a lot of fun over the last few weeks.  She loves playing a game where she just hands you stuff, then you give it back and the cycle repeats.  We’ve played this for hours, in addition to reading tons of books, building blocks and eating grass (tastier than you would think).  But the best part is that she has been teasing us with crawling for SO LONG.  One week BEFORE my leave started, Lis said it was a shame that I would  likely miss her first crawl because it would be happening any day.  THREE WEEKS after that we were still waiting.  She would get really, really close to doing it but then change her mind at the last minute.  It was only because we were both around her constantly that eventually we were both able to see her crawl for the first time in person.  Now we wait a few months and then start the 1^st step countdown. 

Lucy crawling!

• Car Show – Lisa found out about an American Car show in the newspaper a few weeks before it happened.  Plopped it up on the fridge and Calvin stared at it every day.  When we were there it was insane – Calvin was just running up and down the aisle and couldn’t stop chattering about each and every car.

Calvin loves the car show!

• Biggest Surprises –
• How early dinner prep needs to get started for us to stay on schedule.  Working backwards, we want to have both kids in bed by 7.  That means we need to start bathtime by at least 630.  Which means that dinner needs to be ready by 545-600.  Everything takes about 20-30 minutes of cooking time, plus 20 minutes of prep (we are heavily veggie now, so a lot of cutting), so that’s a 5pm start at the latest? Just so that we can all have dinner together?  How are any families able to do this with both parents working at an office?? 

• How much laundry we have.  Dinner prep and cleanup is a never ending cycle too, but at least food is TASTY and eating is FUN.  Clothes are not fun.  I don’t even know why we insist on putting Calvin in clean clothes every day – they only last that way for 5 minutes!!
• How much our Swedish has improved.  Lisa mentioned this in a former blog, but we are doing our best to spend 30 minutes each a day using Memrise and I think it’s really working out well.  I’m actually having fun learning now and am able to pre-plan a few sentences of any conversation I anticipate having.  It’s something we work together on and I’m excited about seeing how far we get with this. 
• Biggest Challenges –
• Not calling in the electronic babysitter from the bullpen all the time.  Calvin loves watching 10-20 minute youtube movies.  I love having 10-20 minutes to play with Lucy, shower, find out what is happening in the world, etc.  It would be SO EASY to just rely on movies all the time.  But that’s not best for anyone. Not as big of a deal right now when the weather is GORGEOUS, but I see you Swedish weather and I know what we in store for ourselves starting mid-September.  Hopefully I can stay strong….
• Getting good Lucy time.  I love playing with Calvin.  Love it.  We spent hours the other day just playing wiffle-ball pepper, where I just hit the ball and he runs, gets it and brings it back to me. Then we built a T-ball set the other day (#expatsolutions!).  There is nothing better.  BUT I also know that Lucy is also at a really fun stage.  The hard part is that Calvin requires 100% attention from at least one of us the vast majority of the time.  I remember when we first moved to Stockholm and Calvin was the same age that Lucy is now – we would spend hours together then just playing every day.  It’s a challenge to make sure that I get that quality play time with Lucy as well, even though I’m here all the time.  But it’s so important and fun, I’m going to make sure that it is a constant priority for us. 

Lucy playing peek a boo

Calvin playing t-ball

• Anytime that Lisa isn’t around to help.  The biggest “cheat” that we have right now is that, for traditional Swedes, only one parent can be on leave at any one time.  So once the father takes the leave, the mother goes back to work.  For us though, Lisa’s work is project based from home through the internet.  So she is still around for the majority of our time every day.  The times that she isn’t, everything changes.  It is such a different game with just me and two kids – I have no idea how she (or any other stay at home parent) manages it effectively.  I’m sure I’ll continue to get more comfortable with it as time goes on, but it’s no joke!

• 

  Parental leave is NOT a vacation.  Until it is

So as I said up top, this has been an action packed 3 weeks.  We are entering into our “travel season” soon, so I’m just really grateful that this first phase of the parental leave has gone as well.  As I told Calvin this morning when we were playing at the beach – this is the very definition of “living the dream”, and I still can’t believe how lucky we are and how much more fun we will have in the coming weeks and months. 

Now I just need time to slow down a bit!

My new job starts tomorrow

Bessie HATES it when I leave for work in the morning.  As soon as I start packing my bag she starts barking her little head off.  If the coffee hasn’t woken us up yet, she definitely will. 

Luckily for all of us though, she won’t need to bark like that again for a long, long time.

The true cost of potty training

If you've already done potty training then you know what is involved but it seems like nobody will tell you these things.  It's a horror show. In fact, it is so painful that it has inspired me to try to get Lucy on one of the gazillion potties we have lying around the house just in an effort to reduce this pain in a few more years.

1. You need to buy at least 3 different kinds of potty (maybe more if you have multiple bathrooms in your house) and they are all way more money than you want to spend. For some reason, Sweden's cheapest potty starts at $46. Total for the 3 various potties we own, $150 and NONE of them even flush!
1. A potty that fits on the big toilet with a stool for climbing up
2. A small potty that sits on the floor that they can get to on their own
3. A travel potty 
2. Incentives, bribes, whatever - don't skimp - you need them. Calvin needed BIG rewards - Disney Planes characters. Find the motivation and buy it in bulk. Stock up on stickers too.
1. 3 Disney Planes/Rewards, stickers, bubbles, etc - $60
3. 20 sets of underwear. It's gonna get messy - $75
4. Extra laundry soap - $25
5. Patience, love and compassion - priceless

Total damage: ~ $310

If you buy one of those gimmicky, "Potty train your child in 1-3 days" books or online resources, that's another $40 or so. They prey on desperate parents who will sell their souls to end the horror show and $40 seems like a really good deal but don't do it! There are free guides everywhere and believe me, nobody can guarantee you anything. It just takes time. Good luck!

Raising the stakes to learn Swedish

The Background
After living in Sweden for 2.5 years, we've attended classes, had a private tutor and bought Rosetta Stone and yet we still haven't greatly improved in our understanding of the Swedish language. It is not so much of an inability to learn as it is a lack of proper motivation. My job is entirely in English and I work from home, so I'm somewhat isolated. Jon works entirely in English and has some coworkers who are willing to have fika time in Swedish, but it isn't helping nearly enough. Jon's parental leave is beginning at the end of this week and we both decided that it was time to set aside dedicated language time each day. This is Jon's greatest opportunity to learn the language and if we don't commit, we will only continue to slowly struggle.

The Issue
One of the biggest motivating factors is Calvin. He is truly bilingual and can consciously switch between Swedish and English if we ask him. I wouldn't say we can count on him as our main translator as he has led us astray in the past - he's a practical jokester already - and also because he is 3 years old. We are responsible for our own integration. Our neighbors have told us that he speaks perfect Swedish when we aren't around but when we are present, his Swedish declines and he speaks in English. We don't want to be in a position where we are negatively affecting his social skills with his peers. We want him to be able to play and invite friends over to our house. It is a major issue if we can't communicate with his friends. We don't want to be the limiting factor here. That's not fair to Calvin.

Raising the stakes
So, to really buckle down, Jon set a bet. We will be using the free online program, Memrise, and their handy iPhone app, to set daily competitions. The program awards points depending on how accurately and quickly you respond to reading and writing comprehension of a vocabulary set. Whoever has the least number of points awarded during their 30 min study session will have to do the laundry that day. We can practice in addition to those 30 minutes but only that session will be scored and will determine the winner and loser. Believe me, our house has a lot of laundry so this is truly a motivating factor.

So when you see us using a lot more Swedish on Facebook and in emails and texts, it is because I really don't want to do the laundry anymore and Jon is trying his best to beat me. BRING IT ON!

Reader's Digest Update - February - May 2014

I really don't know why I continue to think I will get less busy as time goes on. It never seems to be the case but I will think, "Oh, in a few more weeks things will die down and I'll write another blog post." NOPE.

So here is a super condensed version of the past 5 months:

February 

• Calvin contracted chickenpox and I learned that combating the itching throughout the night is nearly impossible - midnight cuddles work well but nobody sleeps.
• Lucy ALSO contracted the chickenpox thanks to the generous kisses, sneezes and snots from her big brother. I was concerned because she was only 4 months old but she only manifested 6 spots total and earned some pox scars on her belly as proof that she endured a mild case. She'll be at greater risk for shingles as an adult so she will get the vaccine for that eventually.
• THAT TOOK UP MY ENTIRE MONTH

March

• Calvin started a new school right across the street from us, so Jon did the inskolning while I tended to chicken poxed Lucy at home
• He LOVES his new school - the teachers are old school Swedish marms and have been doing this for 30 years. He'll be a proper little Swedish boy in another year or so. 
• His English and Swedish language skills are skyrocketing and he is speaking in full sentences and using the word "either" properly, which I found to be impressive. His manners are very proper and I find it hard to resist him when he asks in his little chirpy voice, "I would like x, y and z, please, Momma?"
• Jon left for the Dominican Republic for a week for cousin Mikey and Megan's wedding - I was wishing I could go too and enjoy an open bar, warm weather and family fun.

April

• VISITORS and Jon worked nonstop
• Dave visited for a few days and then he and Jon went to London for the London Marathon. Dave did a great job and finished all 26.2 miles despite being incredibly sick the day prior. Jon played the part of tourist very well and sampled all of the nearby London pubs.
• My mom came to visit and we had beautifully warm weather. We enjoyed a fun filled day at Skansen and other adventures.
• Calvin had his 3 year old dental appointment and they scolded me for not having him brush his teeth twice a day for 2 minutes at a time (all in Swedish). I laughed in their faces - pretty sure that crossed the language barrier clearly. 
• Joann came at the end of April and we created a plane cake for Calvin. Making elaborate cakes are my version of a marathon - I enjoy the beginning, abhor the middle, and can't wait to finish but am always glad I did it in the end.
• We finished April with our favorite Swedish celebration of spring - Calvin's birthday and Walpurgis Natt. He believes the huge bonfire is solely for his birthday.

May

• May 1st we woke up to snow. Apparently the warm weather was just a tease and spring once again, a cruel temptress.
• Potty training Calvin = nonstop laundry and having to tap into a bottomless pit of patience. Nobody really tells you what's involved - not the whole truth anyway.
• Proof that I have no green thumb - the tulips our landlord planted years ago all bloomed beautifully despite the morning frosts and the two flowers I planted in April are as dead as a doornail.

gorgeous tulips

what i planted - they didn't even survive a week!

So there ya go - a condensed version of the past few months - all typed one handed while holding Lucy