Just call me the new cleaning lady

Busted lady!

You know when you get caught speeding how you have that moment of utter and sheer panic?  You know that you should've slowed down, driven more carefully and been a better driver overall. You sit there on the side of the road just wishing and praying against all odds that he'll let you off with just a warning.  Just this time, Officer, really, I didn't mean it.  "I promise. I'll be better next time."  And for a while, you actually do drive more safely.  That is...until you forget that speeding ticket and its associated humiliation (and cost) and you decide that it's not that big of a deal, really.

Well for me, that speeding ticket is the equivalent to cleaning my house.  When we moved a few weeks ago, I decided to take on the task of, essentially detailing, our 1500 square foot house.  I thought, "It'll be easy!  All of the furniture is out of the way and Jon will take Bessie and Calvin to the new house."  Nope.  As it turns out, the Cleaning Police pulled me over and whacked me a huge ticket.  "Gotta do your time Missy. This place is a wreck!"

Admittedly, Jon and I aren't the cleanest people on the planet. I would always joke that I was doing my part to ensure Calvin didn't develop allergies from living in a sterile environment.  When we moved into the house, it was gorgeous. Not a dog hair in sight (they owned a dog as well), and everything was sparkly-like new.  In order for us to get our deposit back, and one can say I am extremely motivated by money, I had to leave things as they had left it with some minor wear and tear allowable.

Time to pay the piper.  For all of the times I ignored the slightly overflowing floor drain in the shower -- now it was time to clean it out.  I cursed myself for my long hairstyle as I proceeded to yank out soap scummed long hair from the drain.  It was gross.  Grosser than you could imagine.  And it smelled too.  Double gross.   I was on my hands and knees, scrubbing until my knuckles went raw, on an actually hot day in Sweden (what are the odds??), AND 7 months pregnant.  Not my favorite moment and not one I want to repeat anytime soon.

About 4 hours into the deep cleaning session, I seriously contemplated calling a cleaning service and paying them to do it all.  All of a sudden $250 was sounding pretty cheap compared to what I was doing.

Fortunately, I had already cleaned out the oven, refrigerator and kitchen cabinets -- everywhere stubborn stains and stuck on grease like to hang out.  Unfortunately, I still had the rest of the house to complete, floors to mop, and gross shower drains to empty.  What was I thinking?  Oh, that's right. I was trying to keep our moving expenses as small as possible.  I scrubbed that house inside and out from 7:30am-4pm, non-stop.  I also didn't have any lunch because we had removed all of the food for the move.  My hunger, back ache and raw hands from the various cleaning products was my motivation to finish the job already.

Now that we are at the new house, I definitely have the mindset of the I-just-received-a-speeding-ticket-so-I'll-drive-like-a-saint-for-FOREVER.  I'm vacuuming regularly, cleaning the bathroom once a week and trying to keep the kitchen as neat and tidy as possible at all times. Nothing on the counters, Jonathan! 

We'll see how long this lasts. I predict I'll be back up to the equivalent of 10mph above the speed limit -- leaving dishes in the sink over night, not taking out the trash regularly -- that kind of thing.  But for now - my house is CLEAN!

How to fly across the world with a 2+ year old by yourself

Jon and Calvin left for the US yesterday for a little family reunion and more importantly, a beautiful wedding in Maine featuring two wonderful people.  I'm really too pregnant to fly (8 months) - Icelandair won't allow pregnant women to fly in the last month of their pregnancy without a doctor's explicit clearance of health.  My midwife wasn't crazy about the idea and the risks of me delivering in the US without health insurance with a premature baby seemed too much.   Sadly, the boys have to go on this trip alone...

Regardless, in preparing for the long trip for Calvin (2+ years old) (and Jon as his only caretaker along the way), we developed a fairly solid game plan.  I've outlined our plan for the 15 hour trip in case anyone is traveling with a toddler in the future.  The red text is what actually happened.

The plan:

• 11:30am-12:15pm -- Calvin would (hopefully) nap in the taxi ride to the airport (40 mins) -- SUCCESS!
• 12:15pm - 2:30pm -- Arlanda Airport Terminal 5 has a children's play space, Junibacken, that could serve as a good place for Calvin to work out some energy for the 2 hours before their flight departed -- SUCCESS!
• 2:30pm - 5:30pm - first flight -- Calvin would stay awake on the flight to Reykjavik and play with his toys, books and possibly watch the kid movie, Ice Age III -- SUCCESS!
• 5:30pm - 7:00pm - layover - Calvin would play with his toys or explore the Reykjavik airport a bit  -- SUCCESS!  Warning, Reykjavik airport does not have a good food selection (see snacks suggestion below)
• 7:00pm - 12:00am (Stockholm time) - Calvin would SLEEP on the flight from Reykjavik to Boston.  This was by far the trickiest part because it is Calvin's bedtime but we worried that he wouldn't be able to sleep well on the flight and would be over tired by the time they landed -- PARTIAL SUCCESS - he slept 3/5 hours, so not too bad
• Calvin and Jon would meet up with Joann and Dave at the airport around 6:30pm ET, which would feel like midnight for the guys.  With any luck, Calvin would have some fun with his grandparents for a few hours and crash out late at night and "re-set" his internal clock and wake up a little later than normally. -- Calvin fell asleep between Boston and Rhode Island and woke up in a good mood. He buzzed around from 7pm-9pm ET and slept until 4am ET.  

He was a happy guy on a 7-hour block of time, so now the trick is to try to maintain a new schedule of napping and bed time.  Good luck with that everyone!

Also for the plane...

• Pack in a small backpack that is easily accessible:
• a variety of new and old toys and books -- Jon brought out the new cars when the seatbelt sign lit up just before landing on each flight
• bring a cozy blanket for the plane
• grab or bring a small pillow for extra coziness
• pacifiers (if your toddler still uses one)
• kid headphones -- Calvin didn't really need them as he was happy to watch the movies sound-free but always good to bring
• Additional non-electronic toys -- PlayDoh, find-and-seek books, cars, memory cards (with Cars on them, of course), lots and lots of stickers, washable markers, coloring book
• snacks!
• Jon said that the toughest times were when the fasten seatbelt sign lit up and Calvin had to sit in one place during takeoff and landing without any movies or electronic distractions
• It was helpful that the main travel times fell around his usual nap time and bed time.  Even still, Calvin only slept a fraction of what he normally does.  He managed to survive through long lines at customs and baggage claim but it was fairly rough.

Jon was pretty nervous to go on such a long set of flights on his own but Calvin is an easy kid. He is really flexible and was able to sleep well and watch movies quietly.  I also had every confidence in Jon that he can easily handle Calvin completely.  He took care of Calvin solo for 2 weeks total while I was in Cote d'Ivoire and Geneva for work, so he knows what to do.  Jon did ask me what would happen if he had to go to the bathroom.  To which I replied, "Either take Calvin before he falls asleep or hold it. You have 2 options."

We also spent about 2 weeks talking with Calvin about the details of the trip. I told him explicitly that he would be flying on a big plane and he could wear his headphones and watch movies and play cars on the flight.  We talked about all of the family members he would see and we spent a lot of time looking at pictures to familiarize him with everyone again.  I kept emphasizing how much fun it would be for him and all of the fun things he was going do and see to try to make it as positive as possible.

He hasn't seen most of our family since Christmas 2011, so it wouldn't be a surprise for him to be a bit anxious.  Calvin really understood the situation and he was excited about the plane but sad that I wasn't going with him.  He kept asking for cuddles for the past few days and would get really stressed out if I left the room without telling him.  He waved goodbye to me in the taxi and said, "Bye Momma" for a few minutes after they left.  It broke my heart to say goodbye but I know that he will have so much fun with everyone.  We plan to Skype regularly so I get to see them everyday.

             

So, what am I doing all day without my full time partner-in-crime, Calvin, and my teammate-in-life, Jon?  I'm getting some much needed work done without distractions - it is glorious.  I can schedule conference calls at any time of the day, not just after Calvin goes to bed or is napping.  It has opened up my entire day.  I'm also giving Bessie lots of snuggles because let's all face it, she will be a little neglected when the new baby arrives. It always happens in those first few months after a baby arrives.  She deserves some special attention too.

Samantha is coming to visit next week and we are headed to beautiful Gotland for some rest and relaxation.  We went to Visby, Gotland last year with the Missildines and it was one of the most beautiful places in the world.  Jon and I rarely ever want to return somewhere we have already traveled, but this was one of those special places.  We could walk the streets of Visby all day and still discover new little crooks and crannies that are just so special.  Sam and I are renting a car and will be exploring ALL of Gotland, so there is even more to discover.  I am so excited to not only return but to see more of the island.

We are coming for you Gotland!

Not a happy camper...2 year olds do not take kindly to sleep deprivation

Jon took me to Bavaria (blog still in draft) for my 30th birthday and we had the most amazing time so I wanted to give him his "dream" trip of family time in nature for his birthday.  Jon and Calvin are going to be in the US during his actual birthday, so I wanted to give him a nice trip while the weather was still warm.  My family used to go camping in Maine every year so I have really wonderful memories of it as a kid and wanted to share that tradition with Jon. He has recently fallen in love with nature, so I thought there would be no better birthday activity than to spend a beautiful Swedish summer weekend camping in the woods by a lake.

I started doing some research on all of the gear and ordered a tent, sleeping bags, camping stove, and two folding camp chairs.  With all of the gear secured, camping menu planned and a camping resort reserved, we were headed out in a rental car to explore Sweden!

We headed up to Falun, Sweden - home to the UNESCO World Heritage Site copper mine - for some scenic camping.  It was predicted to be a beautiful weekend and the weather was surprisingly hot - 84F and a lot of sun.  The night temperatures would be a comfortable 60F, so we all packed long sleeve clothing as tents don't provide too much protection from the temperatures.  All of our sleeping bags were rated to 0C, so I thought we would be ok.

A few things worked against us:

• The camping resort was really designed for RVs, not tents, so we were assigned a gravel pit site. Not comfortable when you are sleeping on the ground.

• We don't own a car, so we couldn't scout out camping locations beforehand. I had to rely on websites only and all campsites look a little suspect on the internet.  It's impossible to get a feel for the location or the people who camp at those campgrounds without sketching it out first.
• We had been packing and moving the entire 4 days prior to this trip so none of us had gotten a good night's sleep in a week or so.  We rescheduled this camping trip at the last minute to take advantage of Jon's vacation time that he had already set aside for the move.
• We couldn't do a test run of any of our camping gear because we were packing for our move.

Given all of that background, looking back on it, it was clear that we did not set up Calvin for a successful trip.  Though he is a good natured kid, he needs his 12-13 hours of sleep each night and a 3 hour nap each day.  Without sleep, his good naturedness breaks down quickly and you can just see him fall apart at the seams.  Essentially Calvin could NOT sleep in an environment with which he was unfamiliar, so resultantly, none of us slept.  It was also really hot when Calvin "went to bed" and really cold when he woke up.  He was shivering, crying and also refusing to get dressed into warmer clothes.  I'm sure it made sense to him at the time.

We may have gotten 2 collective hours of sleep between midnight and 4am, which needless to say, is not enough to have a happy family.  The campground was noisy and our fellow campers/RV'ers were super close to our tent so I felt really self conscious of Calvin's cries throughout the night.  Also, as soon as Calvin settled down (because the campground was quiet), Bessie started barking at every little noise.  In short, it was a disaster.

Calvin was wide awake at 4am (and upset), so we got up and took advantage of the pre-dawn quietness to take in the scenery that we had missed the day before.  The lake was serene and peaceful and we actually enjoyed feeding the ducks Calvin's Cheerios and watching the sun rise while the moon was still visible.  The lake was glass and reflected the trees beautifully.

Jon took Calvin to the playground by the lake and I decided to pack up the tent and break down everything before they returned.  Jon said the happiest moment of the whole trip was when he returned from their walk to find the tent broken down and packed in the car.  Happy birthday to YOU Jonathan.

By no means was the entire trip a disaster as we learned some very valuable lessons. 

1. Even the best behaved toddlers refuse to sleep despite being completely exhausted.
2. Setting up a tent for the first time is difficult while a 2 year old is screaming at you to read him another story.
3. RV electricity does not equal electricity you can use to charge your cell phones (which both died within 3 hours upon our arrival).
4. Breaking down a tent is really noisy at 5am but you are never going to see those people again, so whatever. Do what you need to do.
5. Cutting your losses early on is better than being stubborn and miserable without sleep for 72 hours.  
6. If your kid is unhappy, nobody is happy.
7. There really is no replacement for a good night's sleep.

                          

Jon repeatedly told me that he had a good time despite the fact that things didn't go exactly according to plan.  We were able to explore a new beautiful part of Sweden, build some family memories, take amazing pictures and spend time with one another.   You can't ask for much more than that.  Also, if Calvin hadn't woken us up at 4am, we would've missed the most beautiful sunrise over the lake. Some things are worth waking up early for and we were the only people around to watch it happen.  Fortunately Calvin won't remember these initial flubs we make as parents and by the time he remembers camping, we will be seasoned pros and things will run smoothly (fingers crossed!).

So, our tent and sleeping bags are safely stored away until the next trip.  We will try this again after Calvin can sleep comfortably on a cot or whenever we gain enough courage to venture back into the wilderness. All in all, we ended up with the most beautiful pictures and a few good memories.  

Stockholm's Bus Strike - Summer 2013

We were sad to see our beloved ancient Lidingö tram close down for renovations last week, but the city promised a replacement bus line that would run more frequently with hopes of being even more efficient than the tram.

However...what we didn't count on, was a bus strike to occur at the same time as the tram closing for renovations.  That means there actually is NO replacement bus, because there are no buses running throughout the city.  Last Friday was a holiday and many people were off at their summer homes, so clearly no resolutions have been made over the weekend.

Jon woke up to check the www.sl.se website and found this nice message, which he copied/pasted to his manager.

Continued strike on bus services on MondayJune 23

No changes have occurred during midsummer.Municipal union strike by bus drivers continues. The buses will then also on Monday to be completely set on many routes in Stockholm, Solna, Sundbyberg, Sollentuna and Södertälje and replacement services on Lidingöbanan and Saltsjöbanan (Neglinge-Saltsjöbaden).

We do not know how long the strike will last. Follow developments in the media and here on sl.se.

Travel Guarantee does not apply to strike.

Many bus services suspended due to strike action. 

It'll be a work-from-home situation until the bus strike is resolved.  We simply cannot walk to the nearest T-bana station (it would take 2 hours) and consequently, cannot leave Lidingö for social meet ups, lunches, dinners and of course, work.  Not sure how this will affect Calvin's daycare as many of his teachers used the tram to get to work, but we could all be house-bound for a while. 

We certainly aren't the only ones affected by this strike. Hundreds of thousands of folks in Stockholm rely on public transportation as their only means of transportation. Figure it out folks and get those buses moving again!

Parental Leave in Sweden -- how it works

When we first moved to Sweden, we discovered that we qualified for government paid parental leave since Calvin had not yet turned 8 years old.  Jon took 6 weeks off and loved every minute of it.  You can read about the time he took here.

In comparison to US unpaid maternity leave (most dads never take any leave whatsoever), we view Sweden's policy as extremely generous.

Side note: only 3 countries in the world offer 12 weeks of unpaid leave

• United States
• Swaziland
• Lesotho

Swedes are very good at taking advantage of the system and some families can leverage the timing of the births of their children to take up to 3-5 consecutive years off from work, all paid.  

All of these numbers are going to get confusing and fortunately, Forsakringskassan.se provides you an easy calculator where you can put in your salary, time off and it'll automatically calculate all of the benefits for which you qualify.  All of this information, filling out forms to apply for parental leave is available here http://www.forsakringskassan.se/.

Breakdown of the Swedish parental leave

• 480 days to split between the two parents (no need to be married, just biological or adoptive parents)
• Dads get 10 days of "free" parental leave when the baby is born -- must be used within 60 days after baby arrives home from the hospital
• Equality bonus if you split the time down the middle of an extra tax-free $240/month
• The "minority" parent (generally the dads) must use at least 60 days before the child turns 8 years old
• Many Swedish companies "top up" base government pay up to 90% of your salary for x months (generally 6 months) if used before the child turns 1.5 years old
• You can choose to get paid 1 day/week, 2 days/week...7 days/week.
• You also get Barnbidrag - a child allowance of 1050 SEK/month ($164/month)

How to maximize your time off

• Since you are paid on a daily basis, holidays do not count towards your parental leave. They are holidays and those days add up...
• The less days you get paid each week, the longer you stretch out your time
• So, if you take 1 month of time and choose to get paid 3 days/week, this turns into 1 month  and 16 days of time off from work. Multiply that by 6 months of leave and you have effectively transformed your 6 months of leave into 9 months off of work! Well done!  You have to be good at budgeting your funds, but if you have a working partner, you can scrimp and save and enjoy that time off with your baby (now toddler).
• Take your time off when your employer "tops up" -- that means before your kid turns 18 months old. 
• Save some days and add them to your 33 days of vacation each year.  This is how many Swedes take 1-2 months off each year without batting an eye.

How all of this affects us

• I work on a contract for a US company so I qualify for absolutely no US maternity leave but I DO qualify for the base pay of Swedish parental leave.  I'll take that $15/day thank you very much!
• My US income goes straight to our US bank account to fund our mortgage, HOA fees, and student loans. My income is necessary and I can't go unpaid for too long.
• Fortunately I work from home, so it should still be a low-stress work environment for me. No need for a nanny or a commute to daycare this time around.
• Jon's company will top up for 6 months and I can donate all but 60 days of my time to him (I'll be the minority parent in this situation).  Since he has heavily taxed Swedish income, we will be getting the most bang for our buck by leveraging the government-paid leave (80% of his salary up to a maxed out cap) for 180 days.
• Kids in Sweden don't start daycare until they are 12-18 months old, so I really do need Jon on hand to take care of Baby #2.  I plan on taking off 3 months of unpaid leave but our US bank account can't float for too long. 

I may have missed some details and my Swedish friends can enlighten us further on how to best leverage this unique opportunity.  Jon is going to take as much time as possible because let's face it, when will we ever be in this position again?  If he didn't take time, that would be a disservice to our children.  What is better for our kids than to have both parents at home, on hand to dote, play and laugh with them?  Also, Jon gets to try out the open preschools and learn all of those Swedish nursery rhymes.  I'm excited for him to experience a bit of what I first went through with Calvin when we first moved here.

My only concern is that Jon will love his parental leave too much and convince me to keep expanding our family beyond our original plan of 2 kids. One at a time...one at a time.  But I can't blame him - who wouldn't want endless time with your baby?  

Calvin at 5 weeks